Finally snapped at MIL after years

[Fudgelover91]

Basically I have lived for years with partner in a rural location next to his parents on their farm.

During the last 3 years my dad was was diagnosed with prostate cancer ( had successful treatment ) and I lost my uncle at Xmas.

I live 90 mins away and I am a nervous driver so I want to move back to be closer to my own family.

I am living in one of my rental properties 25 mins away from my family whilst I decide if this will be permanent.

Plus my MIL interfere’s too much and always has done but I have never addressed to her it until last night when she sent me a nasty text saying partner was lonely and how could I just leave after years of living there.

She will text me asking me where I am living, what do I want her to do with my stuff ( in the house owned by my partner and nothing to do with her at all) and will constantly make passive aggressive comments.

She is like this partner’s ex wife and current partner too, not just me.

She feels she can speak to me how she wants and she knows I won’t say nothing back.

My partner works 3am -1pm and she would text me “he needs a meal when he comes home” even though I work full time myself, these are the kind of things that she would text me when I lived there.

Anytime my family visited she would watch them on CCTV and text me asking me “when are your visitors leaving”?

I told partner months ago I cannot tolerate her bossing me around and interfering anymore and to address this with her.

Last night I told her how I felt and how interfering she was and I told her a few home truths.
It had been simmering inside me for years and I felt a lot better for getting it of my chest .

I have decided to put my own family first now as for years all I have done is help MIL and FIL and they were never grateful or appreciative.

Have I been unreasonable in feeling like this and finally snapping at MIL?

And I a bad person for wanting to leave partner to live closer to my own family?

I feel like I am always in the wrong .

Thanks xx

Did you post recently about wanting to leave the relationship because of how tight and controlling your partner is with money?

How did it go, @Fudgelover91

Haven't read the whole thread but JFC. It sounds like you were a prisoner! Watched on CCTV, ordered about and told visiting hours are over??! Blimey. And she said your husband needs a hot meal when he gets home? 😂 I'd have said well you know where the kitchen is love, don't let me stop you. She's got way too much time on her hands to be controlling you. Best thing you ever did was leaving. Do not feel guilty and do not go back to that prison. You are FREE!

The thing his mum worries about what will happen to him when her and his dad pass away.

Oh the irony. She has driven a wedge between her son and his partner and she cannot see this.

I have an excellent relationship with my MIL and think sometimes people are quick to attack a MIL on here but she sounds like a nightmare.

I agree @UndercoverCop
I got on really well with my late MIL, but she never saw me as a rival for her son's attention, and I never saw her as a rival.

I hope you managed to extricate all your belongings without any hassle @Fudgelover91

Well done for ending this madness.

You're going to need to block her number so she can't harass you.

As a leaving gift (and I honestly don't know how more people wouldn't think of doing this), I'd leave a copy of Susan Forward's book on the kitchen table:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Legacy-Reclaiming/dp/0553814826/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2IUKR0W6PU22O&keywords=susan+forward+toxic+parents&qid=1692862525&sprefix=Susan+Forward%2Caps%2C151&sr=8-1

Well done to you!

Well done OP. I’m guessing his ex wife left for the same reason?

have decided to put my own family first now as for years all I have done is help MIL and FIL and they were never grateful or appreciative.

Please put yourself first. Then whatever energy and interest you have left you can use to help others. It is not selfish to put yourself first, it is nessesry to have good mental health and to stop this pattern of being in an imbalanced destruction relationship.

How did it go, OP? I'd also warn ex-DP that he will never have a proper relationship with a woman while he is mummys boy and clinging to her apron strings, that he needs to grow up.

The thing his mum worries about what will happen to him when her and his dad pass away.

Well, she should have thought about this before she hounded all the women who cared about her sons, away.

Is he Timothy Lumsden off Sorry? What's that about him crying when there was conflict with his mum?

You are well rid OP. Got find yourself a man with a spine.

Block her on any messaging app and move on with your life. Tell your ex that if he does any 'poor mum' crap, you'll block him too. Horrible dysfunctional family.

Good luck

Gosh I have seen so much harm done by overbearing mothers over the years. They just can’t let go of their sons and make it impossible for their sons to have any decent relationships outside of their own family. They wreak havoc. Honestly I personally know of four mothers like this and one in the making with sons who are still teens!

And this situation happening in a farming context makes it ten times worse because your house on the farm is stilled viewed as their property, and any wife or partner is seen as as a potential thread in terms of asset splitting.

I’m so sorry that you have had to put up with it for so long op. I can’t believe that your mil ripped up your plants! 😮 I would have said something then I think! You sound like a very decent person and I am so glad you have got away.

The fact that your bil has moved countries to get away from his mother speaks volumes. I hope you have made it clear to your ex partner that he needs to stand up for himself and get away too. He holds huge responsibility for the break up for not standing up to his mother. I thought he was living on the farm because he was drawing an income from it but he doesn’t even have that as an excuse! Pathetic! It’s so disappointing when they don’t fight for you; you deserve so much better op!