Finally snapped at MIL after years

[Fudgelover91]

Basically I have lived for years with partner in a rural location next to his parents on their farm.

During the last 3 years my dad was was diagnosed with prostate cancer ( had successful treatment ) and I lost my uncle at Xmas.

I live 90 mins away and I am a nervous driver so I want to move back to be closer to my own family.

I am living in one of my rental properties 25 mins away from my family whilst I decide if this will be permanent.

Plus my MIL interfere’s too much and always has done but I have never addressed to her it until last night when she sent me a nasty text saying partner was lonely and how could I just leave after years of living there.

She will text me asking me where I am living, what do I want her to do with my stuff ( in the house owned by my partner and nothing to do with her at all) and will constantly make passive aggressive comments.

She is like this partner’s ex wife and current partner too, not just me.

She feels she can speak to me how she wants and she knows I won’t say nothing back.

My partner works 3am -1pm and she would text me “he needs a meal when he comes home” even though I work full time myself, these are the kind of things that she would text me when I lived there.

Anytime my family visited she would watch them on CCTV and text me asking me “when are your visitors leaving”?

I told partner months ago I cannot tolerate her bossing me around and interfering anymore and to address this with her.

Last night I told her how I felt and how interfering she was and I told her a few home truths.
It had been simmering inside me for years and I felt a lot better for getting it of my chest .

I have decided to put my own family first now as for years all I have done is help MIL and FIL and they were never grateful or appreciative.

Have I been unreasonable in feeling like this and finally snapping at MIL?

And I a bad person for wanting to leave partner to live closer to my own family?

I feel like I am always in the wrong .

Thanks xx

Time to knock this relationship on the head then. He is always going to be the same, and he will always take her side over you.

I know you want to stay friend with him, but it may be a good idea to have a complete break for some months first, so that he can get his head around the idea that you no longer running around after him.

Hope you manage to get your stuff back easily tomorrow.

No doubt she'll see you arrive & have to have a word!

Thanks for the lovely replies and support.
Yes I am not looking forward to tomorrow at all.
Im going to leave it till about 8/9pm when they will be in bed to avoid any confrontation with her.

Does your ex know that you are going to pick stuff up tomorrow?

Good for you letting rip at her, must admit I would have lost my rag within a couple of weeks of that shit. Does the farm have pigs? Mil would probably make a tasty meal. Make a change from the patio.

I would have to tell her that you are leaving uour partner because of her, her unpleasantness to you, her constant prying and unkindness. Let her understand her son will be a very sad, lonely old man and all because of her interference.

Well done, it was long over due. Your partner will always be a mummy's boy. Go back pack your stuff. Tell her to do one and waltz down the drive waving and smiling madly at her.

Let her understand her son will be a very sad, lonely old man and all because of her interference.

She probably won't believe it & just think that Op doesn't care enough!

Let us know how you get on lovely.

Is she modelling herself on Gill Archer?!
I have an excellent relationship with my MIL and think sometimes people are quick to attack a MIL on here but she sounds like a nightmare.
YANBU

Good for you, sticking up for yourself! The Farm Wives FB page is full of similar stories. Unique challenges in farming!

I would completely ignore her messages , when she says when are your visitors going or he needs a meal etc . She sounds very controlling. You do not need to explain yourself to her .

Good for you. Hope it goes ok tomorrow

The very best of luck to you. You have been very brave in extricating yourself from this relationship- it’s doubly tough as you and DP were good friends. Hope all goes well forward ♥️

@Fudgelover91

Glad you've blocked her in your phone - ensure you do so everywhere else incl social media if she uses that.

Also good luck when you go collect your stuff: hope it goes smoothly. Take a large enough vehicle so you only need to do this once and take friends to help with the move if you need to to speed things up.

Ensure you take all your important/legal/finance documents with you and get your name taken off the utility bills. (Take a copy of the relevant bills and contact the utility companies, preferably in writing.)

Remove your name from any shopping or subscriptions packages (internet, shopping/Amazon, Netflix and other streaming packages). Change your passwords on online banking and anything else necessary.

Do a mail redirection (online with the post office - takes about 7 working days to kick in).

Good luck for a better future and, when time and money permit, perhaps have some counselling to strengthen yourself mentally for the future. 🌹

The only time you need to go back to your partner's home is to get the rest of your stuff.
I hope you have protected yourself financially, as I wouldn't trust MIL or your partner.
YANBU at all. It sounds like your living situation there was hellish and you and your family deserve better.

YANBU in what you want and decided for yourself, but YABU to think (if you think that) you will get your husband to agree and move with you. I think your relationship is over, so your mil is not your mil anymore and you can go on with your life without her in it.

Op when people send you message, you don't have too read them. Don't open, don't read and don't let her into your life

Well done and good luck - please take the good advice about sorting out copies of documents, removing your name from utilities, any loans, joint accounts, all that sort of thing. Make sure all your friends and family know you've separated, send emails, so you have proof of the date if it's needed later. And don't bother reading any messages from his dear old mum!!

Fingers crossed - hoping for an update with good news.

I do hope you'll come back and let us know how things went.

How did it go when collecting your things? Did you run into her? Hopefully she gave you some distance?

Well done on getting rid of them both. They're extremely toxic and dysfunctional were dragging you down.
Block them and pour yourself a glass of wine.

Why do posters make comments like your second paragraph as though it's something that nobody has ever said before, is clever, is witty? It's so bland, predictable, boring and incredibly unhelpful.

How convenient that she develops health issues the moment her spineless son attempts to defy her….
While I agree that she’s an issue, the biggest problem was getting engaged to a guy who didn’t have the balls to stand up for you. Well done for finally seeing the light.