School mum life

[Illbebythesea]

I have 3 dc. Middle is about to start reception. Feel like I have just established myself-ish with eldest child’s fellow parents. I have to do this THREE times. I hate it. I am probably more socially inept then I let on, every-time I leave a gathering for whatever, sports day, school play, pick up, party… I question everything I say and reckon I’ve come across a total tit/bad mother.

When we decided to have children this is something I NEVER considered. But it is one of the worst parts of parenting for me! So, AIBU? Do you dread the parties? The small talk?! The awkwardness of not knowing what to say after, so what class did you get?! Oh god… i just want to paddle away to a remote island…

I just never talked to them

It's absolutely hideous

Yes it’s horrendous, I don’t mix well so I felt very forced into it a lot of the time. We had nothing in common other than the ages of our kids. It was tedious

@Annaishere i literally respect this SO much now. I think at first I would think, gah they’re rude… but 6 months in I’d think, they knew… they went hardcore from the start. The dream is what you have done!!

Oh yeah, you don't have to do that. Second and third time around I wouldn't bother, you'll know people who have kids in the same class as your younger ones as well through the older DC. Obviously be nice! But everyone in know has found that you stick with the eldest lot.

It’s awful!! We probably all think it’s awful! Why don’t we say to each other, this is bloody awful?!

Lol @Illbebythesea

Nah, they're just people. I would talk to people at work, uni, shops etc, school parents are no different. We are all them.

Completely agree and im a sociable person! Having to navigate small children’s social lives as well as your own and being thrust with parents just because your kids get on is honestly the worst. Take heart as they get to 6+ there are lots more opportunities for drop off parties and I have made some lovely actual friends at school gates but yeah…hate it generally!

@LBOCS2 i am relieved to hear this! Is it definitely a thing? I felt like I had to make some confidants in year 1, but now I feel like I’ve done the graft! I’m not willing to put myself through this 3x in 6 years! 😂

Definitely a thing in my experience, across two schools. Get to know the first lot and you'll know some in the younger years too, and really by that time you're an old hand - you don't need the same support a newbie does!

@GotMooMilk i wouldn’t consider myself an introvert but also not an extrovert. Somewhere in the middle… I truly admire these people who can adapt to any social situation. That can easily maintain small talk forever and ever… I just get past 3 or 4 questions then think… I have nothing. Maybe I’ll google conversations starters. I have also met some lovely people, I wouldn’t say they’re friends yet but definitely potential! I’m still on my best behaviour around them 😂

I have 4 kids. Youngest starting in September. All 4 in school. I can talk to anyone but exhausted at the end!

@Holidaystress11 i can imagine! It’s bloody hard work!

Yep 3 times I did that crap. I made one decent friend out of the three classes.

@Hankunamatata its slim pickings. It’s not that I don’t think lots of them are really nice, but just not MY people. The thing is, I don’t even feel like I need friends. Just people who I feel comfortable enough to meet at the park during the holidays without feeling to much pressure/judgement. That’ll do!

Try not to over think it. Be polite and if you find one or 2 that you click with, then great. If you can get along with mum's of the kids your kid plays with for playdates/Park then even better. But you don't have to be best friends

Another thread from school gate mums about how shit school gate mums are. Yawn.

Thank goodness for mobile phones. When my eldest started 28 years ago there was no other thing to do than stand and try and ignore talk to other parents.

Give a nod, a smile and if nothing comes back, get the mobile out

It’s not compulsory. I enjoy meeting new people, and will chat with ease, but there are plenty of parents who sit the car until the last possible minute then dash in, grab child, and go.

@CurlewKate where have I said they are shit? I said the situation was shit and they probably think it’s shit too!

@NancyJoan good for you Nancy, good for you.

I have to do small talk for a living and sometimes I catch myself prattling on and it's exhausting! However, I will say this, most people (75%) appreciate the exchange, like to be chatted to and acknowledged. I think this is what makes us human.

We are all nervous, awkward and frightened at the start, but often the feeling of connection with others can be wonderful. It doesn't really matter what you talk about, the weather, good cake, holidays, have they come from far? Have you had a good day? something very silly...

I think we all like to be reached out to

It’s really only a big deal for a short amount of time at primary, and you really don’t care very much by the time you’re doing it for the second time around.

Remember- these people aren’t your friends. You’ll be lucky if you get one or two who are genuinely decent people.
The rest - in my experience- are not pleasant.

I keep my head down , pick up my children and fuck off . I do not intend to be bosom buddies with anyone- a hello is all I do at most. I’m not rude at all- but I am incredibly observant and shrewd. I see and hear and watch going’s on and I am glad to not be a part of it. They know nothing about me.

I have my own family and friends- not fellow mothers from my children’s school.