To think British maternity care must be among the worst in the developed world?

[ForestGoblin]

Nurses refusing to watch newborns when a mum needs to poo??? Nurses have got a professional and legal obligation to support patients to receive adequate personal care (not being compelled to poo yourself has got to be rung one of meeting that obligation).

Friends who have given birth in Ireland, france, south Korea, Switzerland were all given support to sleep, recover, be recognised as an injured person in need of recovery time.

British nurses trick new mothers into thinking they can't leave their babies for a minute on a bloody hospital ward (even when they've got numb legs).

Rise up, damnit!

I am still furious and upset about my postnatal care from 20 years ago. I wish I had complained but I was too exhausted and scared at the time. Mainly it was the rudeness.

I am an NHS consultant and tell my juniors that however busy or stressed you are, there is no excuse for rudeness. Especially to patients. Shame not everybody subscribes to that philosophy.

Luckily after my section they let my mum stay overseas on the ward, because others were waiting 45 mins for a nurse to hand them screaming newborn. My cousin was waiting over an hour, unable to move while her just born baby screamed and nurses failed to attend.

Yes my experience was unbelievably terrible.

There was no ‘care’ element at all - as long as both me and the baby were alive, nothing else seemed of interest.

Midwives were patronising, environment was awful (in labour for 36h on a ward with strangers including men), refusal of /failed pain relief, ended up with extremely violent damaging birth.

Following the birth… well, we were both alive so that was the end of any support. Just left in a side room, presumably not let to leave as it had been so severe (not that anyone came to check).

I remember wanting a shower and thinking someone would help me, given I could barely stand / had catheter in / million stitches. Did they hell - I had to
drag myself (and baby in cot) to shower, blood up the walls, on the floor etc. No one came to clear that up either.

Just awful.

The thing that really sticks with me though, is that in all the days I was kept in hospital, no staff who were at my birth came to see us. I was in labour for days. They didn’t care - that’s a culture issue IMO.

I didn't experience anything like you've described OP. And even better it's free! Had lots of appointments, felt listened to, they picked up my diabetes, referred me for mental health , and looked after me and my newborn when I was in hospital for nearly 2 weeks.

london maternity care is horrendous. First birth the doctors were awesome but the post natal “care” was so abysmal I went private for the next birth just for the private room. Extreme but I avoided the PTSD (diagnosed) after the abuse in the post natal ward.

I’ve lived a lot abroad and also had other non-obstetric hospital procedures in the UK. I think if you haven’t had much experience with hospitals, especially I’d you’ve never experienced another developed country’s medical system, you’re unlikely to realise just how DIRE maternity “care” in the UK is.

Hold on a minute. I'm sorry if this happened to you but it doesn't represent every hospital in the UK!

Diffierent circumstances, but I have a very similar story. I wasn't young, but my first baby arrived after a placenta previa bleed and c-section. So a little dramatic. Because of this, and concerns about estabilishing feeding of my baby born at 36w I was in the hospital for 5 days. No fathers allowed over night (they were actually only allowed in the ward for 8 hours of the day), and I was on a 3 hour feeding and pumping schedule, 24 hours of the day. So I hadn't slept more than 1.5 hours at a time for about 3 days. I'd lost a fair amount of blood. Wasn't confident getting in and out the bed because I'd had a c-section and was generally run down after no sleep for 3 days following surgery. I asked for help settling the baby in the middle of the night (with tears running down my face because I was exhusted) and got 'what do you want me to do about it'. Baby was screaming and I was in a communal ward. I felt I was distrubing every one and failing at mothering, 3 days in. I remember it as one of the lowest moments of my life.

Where did you go, if you don't mind sharing? I'm due my third in 7 months and also live in London! Was considering going abroad again but would be great not to have to leave the country.

Did you not have a relative to bring food in? I did 10 days in hospital once and didn’t eat a single thing they provided. Sobbing through hunger is a bit pathetic sorry!

Truly horrific to have given birth during Covid. C Section, twenty minutes in recovery and then I was dumped on postnatal alone holding a baby, sweat dripping in my eyes, unable to move, unable to reach the call bell, water, my phone. I ended up hysterically crying to a midwife when she walked past an hour later who moved some stuff about for me so I could at least reach a few essentials but I have never felt more terrified. I literally could not fucking move and I was meant to look after a baby I just gave birth to, with no support. Every single time I needed something, a pissy HCA would arrive to hand me a change bag while I tried to change a nappy with DD on my thighs.
I feel burning resentment when I hear about this supposed golden hour and mythical NHS tea and toast.

The NHS is a disgrace. But why would a new born need to be watched. Wouldn't the mum just put it in the crib.

I went to Sweden at 32 weeks pregnant - the immigration people asked to see my MatB1 form and return flight details to check I was not staying to give birth there!

@RenegadeMrs sounds like your experience had very, very similar vibes to mine. Just such a low point and (for me anyway) sort of set the tone about how I felt about myself as a mother. I think I was profoundly affected by my first bad experience but because no one died expected to suck it up and bury my feelings.

Do you run a maternity ward? This level of compassion would explain the state we are in.

Had C sections with both babies. First baby (2015) it wasn't too bad as we were in a side room (he had strep B) with bathroom and DP could stay during the day. Second baby (2021) during covid was awful as on ward for nearly a week, DP could only visit once for 30mins per day. Not enough staff to watch baby so I didn't shower the whole time time I was in there! In order to go to the toilet I had to wait until baby was sleeping run down the ward and then back again and hope he hadn't woken up, and they kept telling me I wasn't drinking enough water! I felt for them as there just wasn't enough staff, they did really help me with feeding and were v supportive in that respect (tongue tie).

Good luck win that. I was assaulted by staff, like I mean i was physically held down while a midwife inserted a catheter into my body touching my vulva without my consent while I was literally screaming and sobbing and telling them to stop.

Noone cared. Complaints team didn't acknowledge it. Couldnt find a lawyer who thought I had a case.
The police are not going to do anything for a midwife behaving like this.

Mine are adults, when i gave birth the first time,the midwife came to the loo with me when I had to pass urine after the birth, she held the baby for me, in fact she tucked the baby inside her uniform next to her chest so he didn't cry. She stayed while I had a shower to ensure I was OK. By the time I had my second the midwife was more 'hands off', I was asked if I felt OK, I was physically checked but was not accompanied to the bathroom. At the time I thought it was solely because I had given birth once and was more confident. Now, I think there were other reasons, it's like they have attended at the birth and their job is done. Now I hear horror stories and TBH, I wonder what midwives feel their job entails. If they don't want to deal with blood,urine faeces, don't do the job. If they don't want to be dealing with women who are their most vulnerable then don't decide to be a midwife
BTW, I fully acknowledge that there are excellent midwives ,I just don't think there are enough .

For me it was just the lack of kindness and compassion. I understand they are busy but there is no excuse in my eyes that means you can be mean to someone who is at their most vulnerable.
I was sobbing in pain after an instrumental birth and the midwife said ‘well yes that’s what happens when you have an epidural’ as though it was some kind of failing on my part. She walked off btw without giving me any pain relief. My DH had to literally flag someone else down to sort it. I’ll never forget that MW for letting me down when I needed it.

On the flip side, a lovely maternity assistant came to see me in the morning. She helped me wash by the bed, helped me change and dress the baby. She showed me more kindness than anyone else I encountered the whole time I was there.

Ive had 3 babies in NHS hospitals and all 3 were positive experiences. One of them the midwives actually looked after my baby as i had to leave the hospital for an hour for something completely out of my control and they supported me with that around breastfeeding and fast tracking our discharge as much as they possibly could.

The biggest negative was i was taken to the assessment clinic after my waters broke, i was in the waiting room when contractions started, my first 2 babies were very fast labours (both under 30 minutes) so i went to the desk and explained and i was sent back to the waiting room, my contractions were less than a minute apart and after 20 minutes i somehow walked back and said im about to have the baby, the begrudgingly took me through even though it wasnt my turn, and i had my baby almost as soon as i got my trousers off on the trolley in the clinic with 5 other women on the monitors, plus their partners/family/friends in the bay. But i guess that isnt a common occurrence of someone having a 25 minute labour!

But the post natal care was all excellent, all 3 were in the 2000's, one prem but not in NICU/SCBU cared for on the ward for 7 days who also had some other developmental problems the midwives supported me to cope with and understand, all vaginal deliveries, amazing breast feeding support with all 3.

I just wanted to add something positive for potential first time parents reading. I dont want to devalue to experiences of those who did have negative experiences and traumatic births.

What feels weird to me is that the doctors were equally busy (if not more) but were all so nice. They were also pissed off with the midwives’ attitude.

None of this is new. I had my son nearly 22 years ago and the maternity ward staff were terrible then, lots of them about, but absolutely zilch "care". I had a c-section. Everything up to giving birth was fine. The post-natal appointments, GP midwife appointments, being admitted early with problems, and then the actual C-section 5 weeks early. Couldn't fault any of it. But once on the ward, some of the midwives were horrible - and no, it wasn't because they were understaffed, they were just plain nasty and rude, no help at all, I'd ring the buzzer and they'd not come, even though I could see them gossiping around the nurses station! They made you feel a nuisance. Once I'd been discharged (escaped), and back under the care of the GP midwife, everything was fine again.

Sadly, I think there is some kind of nasty culture on maternity wards.

Sounds like we had very similar experiences and I really feel for you. Women were treated like animals during covid.

It’s also amazing to read just how many women on this thread had water left out of their reach after their c sections. Was the same of me and it’s crap reading so many other women have been denied this very basic care.

I think part of the problem is that it is a complete postcode lottery.

Yes first nearly 18 years ago fantastic community MW care, great Mw care in midwife led unit at child new area community MW care was dire.

PND ward experience with first was dire - and had HB for next ones - had I a pfb that screamed if not being held by me - I had to leave her in cot at side of bed to go to the loo twice and was shouted at both times for leaving her. They gave me nothing post birth no drink no food np pain killers wasn't allowed to leave pfb but wasn't allowed into breakfast room with baby and no staff would hold her - I was so thirsty and hungry when DH was allowed back.

Only time I think I slept a nurse pulled back curtain shouted I didn't need pain killers and left curtain open - also had one male visitor leering at me trying to bf.

It was a horrible experience and next morning staff were much more pleasant than night shift but we had to wait and wait for some mysteries piece of paperwork - we had friend giving us a lift back - we don't drive - in end we just walked out no-one stopped us or questioned us.

I though poor care was because they were so busy - but DH said it was just us 4. I really felt for section twin Mum she had one with her she couldn't cope with and by time we left had gone 24 hours + being promise she could be wheeled down to see sick other twin still hadn't happened.

Recovery with HB much quicker and no bf issues at all.

I've given birth in my home country (Eastern Europe) and it was a great standard of care but very matter of fact and no nonsense. You are properly looked after.

I've also given birth in England and remember feeling so sorry for a poor woman who was sat alone in the post natal ward unable to get any food. I didn't realise we were expected to get food ourselves, as I'd been in hospital before for a minor op and was treated far better. In the end when DH came to visit, he insisted on getting this woman some food as well and came back with enough for both of us. I feel so sorry for those who have noone with them when everyone else has partners/family/friends there and are basically left to their own devices.

I really hope you alp register your complaints and probably with the rcm as well as fhe hospital via pals.

Sane other womens form this abuse