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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone I vaguely know is going to jail

189 replies

Samscity · 17/08/2023 12:51

An article was circulated in a WhatsApp group chat today of someone we went to university with. He was involved in a hit and run and killed the person and then handed himself in. He's now going to jail

I think it's so scary how someone's fate can change so dramatically in a heartbeat. I feel it's shocking and so devastating that someone died. I don't know the guy that did it well at all, just saw him at a friend's flat party etc never spoke to him.. but just all very unnerving

OP posts:
Enoughnowbrandon · 17/08/2023 12:53

Very sad for both. He must have just panicked.

LakeTiticaca · 17/08/2023 13:15

Nobody knows what is coming round the next corner.
Scary

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 17/08/2023 13:26

I was driving home from work one day, well under the speed limit going around a sharp bend on a road I know well, with good visibility of the area around me. There was a man walking down a path towards the road; I registered that he was walking oddly so was aware of him. As he moved onto the path parallel to the road, he tripped and fell and would have landed with his head right in front of my front wheel. Thankfully he caught himself and I had braked. He straightened up and staggered on and it became obvious that he was blind drunk. He was so close to dying that day, and my life would have been destroyed too.

It can happen so easily.

Americano75 · 17/08/2023 13:45

I work in a prison, there are so many 'there but for the grace of God' cases.

Dogsaresooomucheasier · 17/08/2023 13:49

I walked across a 50mph road with my baby daughter in her pram and somehow didn’t see a car coming up the totally straight road about 10 seconds away - mega sleep deprived. They must have seen me looking to cross early as they managed to brake in time but the car actually touched me. Absolutely terrifying how life can change in one second, and it’s awful for the guy you know and the poor person who lost their life :-( x

Dotjones · 17/08/2023 13:53

It's the "and run" part that makes me lose sympathy. Any driver can do the "hit" part, no matter how careful they are - you can be driving at 20mph in a 30mph zone and a child can dart out from behind a parked van. (This happened to me, I stopped just in time. If they'd darted out a second later I'd have definitely hit them.)

But the "and run" is unforgivable. The only excuse for not stopping and calling for help is if you genuinely fear for your life, in which case you must still contact the police immediately.

LylaLee · 17/08/2023 13:57

Americano75 · 17/08/2023 13:45

I work in a prison, there are so many 'there but for the grace of God' cases.

How do you find out why people are there? Is it just based on what they tell you, or you read the files and memorize:John Smith - murdered a lollipop lady. Beat her to death with the sign because she was taking too long; Joe Bloggs -tax evasion; Ben Jones - doctor who accidentally gave someone a lethal dose, misreading a 100mg syringe for a 10mg one.

LylaLee · 17/08/2023 13:58

Dotjones · 17/08/2023 13:53

It's the "and run" part that makes me lose sympathy. Any driver can do the "hit" part, no matter how careful they are - you can be driving at 20mph in a 30mph zone and a child can dart out from behind a parked van. (This happened to me, I stopped just in time. If they'd darted out a second later I'd have definitely hit them.)

But the "and run" is unforgivable. The only excuse for not stopping and calling for help is if you genuinely fear for your life, in which case you must still contact the police immediately.

I think the sad thing is that maybe some people just have a 'flight' reaction. When they realise what they've done, it's already hit and run.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 17/08/2023 14:00

Dotjones · 17/08/2023 13:53

It's the "and run" part that makes me lose sympathy. Any driver can do the "hit" part, no matter how careful they are - you can be driving at 20mph in a 30mph zone and a child can dart out from behind a parked van. (This happened to me, I stopped just in time. If they'd darted out a second later I'd have definitely hit them.)

But the "and run" is unforgivable. The only excuse for not stopping and calling for help is if you genuinely fear for your life, in which case you must still contact the police immediately.

Panic is a thing. Panic + shock can make the most responsible person do unimaginable things. Remember the thread awhile back about people who froze in emergency situations? The other side of that fight coin is flight.

BerriesandLeaves · 17/08/2023 14:03

I think people are probably in shock and panic and carry on driving. I hope I'd stop.
There was a story in the news recently about a hit and run following a 12 year old walking across a motorway!

Jux · 17/08/2023 14:04

Dotjones · 17/08/2023 13:53

It's the "and run" part that makes me lose sympathy. Any driver can do the "hit" part, no matter how careful they are - you can be driving at 20mph in a 30mph zone and a child can dart out from behind a parked van. (This happened to me, I stopped just in time. If they'd darted out a second later I'd have definitely hit them.)

But the "and run" is unforgivable. The only excuse for not stopping and calling for help is if you genuinely fear for your life, in which case you must still contact the police immediately.

Absolutely agree with this. "And run" is unforgivable.

I do know a guy who's doing Life. He murdered two people, apparently it was a blood bath. He'd moved far away from our area when he did it so have no idea how a completely gentle, unassuming guy turned into someone who murdered two people so horrifically (with their baby in a room upstairs - whom he left untouched) became the monster he did.

FawnFrenchieMum · 17/08/2023 14:08

BerriesandLeaves · 17/08/2023 14:03

I think people are probably in shock and panic and carry on driving. I hope I'd stop.
There was a story in the news recently about a hit and run following a 12 year old walking across a motorway!

This was a very bizarre story. The guy the child was with was arrested for allowing him to walk on the motorway (following an accident in their car) but then the driver that hit the child also didn’t stop. I can’t imagine the shock of hitting a pedestrian on the motorway late at night.

StBrides · 17/08/2023 14:11

Tragic all around, for the victim, the guy sentenced and their families

FawnFrenchieMum · 17/08/2023 14:14

One of DH’s friends was sent to prison a couple of years ago, he had beat a girl he was dating black and blue.
He had been in our home several times and DH had asked him to quiet his parents for new windows, he came out to measure up then never got back in touch.
We only found out why when the local paper reported on the story. We also found out that he had in the past served time for stabbing an ex-partner.
It was an awful feeling that we had allowed this person into ours and our parents lifes and homes.

Ohmylovejune · 17/08/2023 14:16

This was something I took away from my speed awareness course. That life can change in a heartbeat. Something you can't predict can happen, so all you can do is be sensible and law abiding when difficult circumstances arise. So, don't speed. If it happens don't run, stay and help.

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2023 14:32

What is your AIBU here?

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

CandyflossKaren · 17/08/2023 14:33

Prison is fairly straightforward

No need to be so horrified

AndrewGarfieldsLaptop · 17/08/2023 14:34

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2023 14:32

What is your AIBU here?

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

I agree. This just feels like an attention post.

SisterAgatha · 17/08/2023 14:36

two things. I know a lot of people who went to prison. I think you are lucky to get to a good age and not know one. People I went to school with turned out to be murderers, domestic abusers and burglars. I think your shock at this may be affecting how you feel because;

I don’t think the “and run” part is excusable by saying it was shock. this is not a “there but the grace of god” scenario. It’s not being unlucky that made him flee a crime scene he created. My best friend hit someone badly and called the ambulance himself.

GoodChat · 17/08/2023 14:38

There's no excuse for a hit and run. Why are people making excuses for him? You hit someone, you stop. That's it.

Hoppinggreen · 17/08/2023 14:41

BerriesandLeaves · 17/08/2023 14:03

I think people are probably in shock and panic and carry on driving. I hope I'd stop.
There was a story in the news recently about a hit and run following a 12 year old walking across a motorway!

There was so much more to that story though.
The driver was the child’s Dad, he crashed his car while allegedly drunk then drove to the motorway and for some reason drove up the slip road to the services, at some point the 12 year old got out of the car and was hit by it.
No panic, just a drunken idiot responsible for the death of his son (allegedly)

MolkosTeenageAngst · 17/08/2023 14:41

You don’t go to jail for hitting and killing a pedestrian unless there are other factors. Not stopping after you hit somebody is what makes it an offence, I would also not be surprised if there were other factors involved as committing a hit-and-run is not a guaranteed jail sentence. Yes, shock is one reason somebody might not stop but there are other reasons for example being over the legal drinking limit or being on illegal drugs. People can fail to stop, wait until they’ve sobered up, and then hand themselves in later thinking they’ll avoid any drink-driving charges.

I wouldn’t judge this man either way until I knew the full story, including how long after hitting the pedestrian he waited to hand himself in. I can imagine being in shock and carrying on driving for a few minutes before the reality of the situation sunk in, on the other hand I would see doing nothing and waiting for hours or longer to either go back to the scene of the accident and check on the person or to hand yourself in as less forgivable or understandable.

ShirleyPhallus · 17/08/2023 14:42

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2023 14:32

What is your AIBU here?

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

Is it? I genuinely don’t know anyone who has been arrested. Or maybe I do and they just haven’t told me

continentallentil · 17/08/2023 14:43

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2023 14:32

What is your AIBU here?

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

I don’t think most people know someone in jail!

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 17/08/2023 14:45

I don't think this is one of those instances where you find yourself in prison over an unfortunate series of events. This acquaintance chose to leave the scene of the accident. A reasonable person does not leave someone to die in the road because they just panicked.