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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone I vaguely know is going to jail

189 replies

Samscity · 17/08/2023 12:51

An article was circulated in a WhatsApp group chat today of someone we went to university with. He was involved in a hit and run and killed the person and then handed himself in. He's now going to jail

I think it's so scary how someone's fate can change so dramatically in a heartbeat. I feel it's shocking and so devastating that someone died. I don't know the guy that did it well at all, just saw him at a friend's flat party etc never spoke to him.. but just all very unnerving

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 17/08/2023 15:29

I was recently in court for other business and unfortunately it seemed like every other case involved a driver of a car. The two cases I witnessed in part were so very sad and like the above PP state - so many lives affected, children losing a parent, parents losing a much loved child/adult.

I don't think people realise how many drivers are facing court action daily, due to thousands of crashes daily.

JudgeJ · 17/08/2023 15:29

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2023 14:32

What is your AIBU here?

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

I recall once switcvhing on the locval news and learning that one ex pupil was going to jail for a massive confidence trick and another ex pupil was making his debut for a Premier League team that evening, it's inevitable when one meets thousands of people over a lifetime! BTW, the first ex is now in jail for murder and the second is, I think, playing in the Conference!

Original poster
Samscity · 17/08/2023 15:30

JenWillsiam · 17/08/2023 15:17

It’s sobering that someone has gone to jail for killing someone? Not the person who’s actually dead?

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What!? No! The entire story is sobering. Somebody died! Somebody killed that person. The entire story is very sobering.

I feel like some people on here are always looking for a fight.

OP posts:
HalloumiLuvver · 17/08/2023 15:31

GoodChat · 17/08/2023 14:38

There's no excuse for a hit and run. Why are people making excuses for him? You hit someone, you stop. That's it.

Agree.

I have sympathies for a driver who hits someone when there is very little they could do to prevent it. (And if they were doing appropriate speed for the conditions).

Absolutely no sympathy for someone who leaves someone injured and flees. We all know it's the law to stop and fgs, wouldn't your humanity mean you'd want to help/call for help? It could be the difference between life and death for the person, how fast the paramedic/ambulance gets there.

Beezknees · 17/08/2023 15:32

My dad has been in jail numerous times. He actively chose to commit crimes. If you go to jail you are never really a victim of circumstance. Leaving the scene of a crime is never a good idea.

anyolddinosaur · 17/08/2023 15:32

Hit and run people are often hiding something - like drink or drugged driving. They know they will be found so hand themselves in when they cant be prosecuted for the other offence.

JenWillsiam · 17/08/2023 15:33

Samscity · 17/08/2023 15:30

What!? No! The entire story is sobering. Somebody died! Somebody killed that person. The entire story is very sobering.

I feel like some people on here are always looking for a fight.

Show quote history

But that’s not what your post is about. It’s about someone you know going to jail. Their entire fate changed.

This isn’t something that happened to him. He did it. He’s gone to jail because he hit and killed someone and DROVE off. He left them dead. That’s not ok at all and tells you a lot about his character.

Of all the stories to pick as sobering you chose this.

GoodChat · 17/08/2023 15:34

@LakeTiticaca people are saying it was just a tragic accident - and the death was a tragic accident (hopefully).

The flight or fight thing is bollocks. Your humanity should be your instant reaction.

HalloumiLuvver · 17/08/2023 15:35

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 17/08/2023 15:11

Someone I used to hang about with as a teen was sent to prison for murdering his girlfriend's baby. He wasn't the biological father. She left the baby with him whilst she went to arrange an abortion so he killed her baby because she was killing his. He's out now after serving about 16 years.

Jesus that's horrific. What an utter bastard.

Iwasafool · 17/08/2023 15:35

The shock must be horrific, obviously it is horrific that someone died but I mean how it must feel to a driver. I hit a badger once, dark country road and it suddenly shot out in front of me. It then scurried off so my braking must have reduced the impact and I don't drive fast on dark twisty country roads (much to the annoyance of drivers who have 20/20 night vision and can see round corners) but I was hysterical. I was so lucky that someone was with me. Hitting a person and realising they were dead - I just can't begin to imagine.

JenWillsiam · 17/08/2023 15:37

YukoandHiro · 17/08/2023 15:01

If he was drunk and you were under the speed limit, and you immediately called emergency services, you wouldn't have gone to jail. But of course it would have stayed with you forever.

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That’s completely untrue. A prison sentence is still possible.

Arabels · 17/08/2023 15:47

saltinesandcoffeecups · 17/08/2023 14:00

Panic is a thing. Panic + shock can make the most responsible person do unimaginable things. Remember the thread awhile back about people who froze in emergency situations? The other side of that fight coin is flight.

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Does anyone have a link to that? Thanks

Belladonna56 · 17/08/2023 15:49

People panic when something dreadful happens. He handed himself in later, which some wouldn't have done.
It's awful how your whole life can go pear shaped in a second.

tenbob · 17/08/2023 15:54

GoodChat · 17/08/2023 15:34

@LakeTiticaca people are saying it was just a tragic accident - and the death was a tragic accident (hopefully).

The flight or fight thing is bollocks. Your humanity should be your instant reaction.

Tell me you don’t have the first clue about human psychology without telling me etc etc…

Original poster
Samscity · 17/08/2023 16:04

JenWillsiam · 17/08/2023 15:33

But that’s not what your post is about. It’s about someone you know going to jail. Their entire fate changed.

This isn’t something that happened to him. He did it. He’s gone to jail because he hit and killed someone and DROVE off. He left them dead. That’s not ok at all and tells you a lot about his character.

Of all the stories to pick as sobering you chose this.

Show quote history

I didn't choose it, I read it this morning and it just stuck with me so I shared it.
I guess the fact that I felt like I knew the person (albeit loosely) felt a bit scary.

OP posts:
Wintersgirl · 17/08/2023 16:04

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2023 14:32

What is your AIBU here?

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

Not everyone, I don't...

HaveYouHeardOfARoadAtlas · 17/08/2023 16:04

My ex’s son was sent to prison for a similar incident…..but he was off his head on drugs and killed a family while driving. Think he got 12 years. He was a sweet kid when I knew him but apparently had gone off the rails big time.

Heurgh · 17/08/2023 16:05

Samscity · 17/08/2023 15:30

What!? No! The entire story is sobering. Somebody died! Somebody killed that person. The entire story is very sobering.

I feel like some people on here are always looking for a fight.

Show quote history

This is AIBU. People are at least looking for a brisk discussion, if not an actual fight. You've posted something with no discernible AIBU whatsoever.

Echobelly · 17/08/2023 16:06

I once read a fascinating and very sad article about the only research ever conducted into people who had killed someone accidentally. Not surprisingly it was an utterly devastating experience that destroyed people's lives but they did manage to start some sort of support group for people who had been there and that had been a tremendous help to them. I hope more research and support mechanisms have been created since then.

zingally · 17/08/2023 16:07

Similar thing happened with a lad I went to school with. Couple of years ago he was driving down the M1, bit drunk, hit another car and killed a woman. Just awful. He got 7 years in prison I think.
Thing is, at school he was a bit of a cheeky chappy, jack the lad, but he wouldn't have intentionally hurt a fly.
It just goes to show how one moment of crappy judgement/behaviour can ruin lives.

BlossomCloud · 17/08/2023 16:07

PuttingDownRoots · 17/08/2023 15:29

How many people that are completely nice and generally law abiding do stuff like drive the morning after a few too many drinks, go at 80 on a motorway or 40 through a village.. or look at that phone while driving...

Honestly... lots of people do these things and are lucky to get away with it.

Leaving the scene is bad. Some people panic... or don't realise what they've hit... but others do it deliberately to avoid a breath test for example.

People who do those things are certainly not nice. And by definition they are not law abiding.

LovedFedAndNoonesDead · 17/08/2023 16:08

FooFighter99 · 17/08/2023 15:08

@Hoppinggreen can you link to the article? All the reports I read have suggested that the car he was in crashed, he and his dad got out and he was later hit by a different driver who failed to stop. I can't find anything to suggest it was his dad who hit him

Show quote history

This is one link to the story. Tragic all round and avoidable by the sounds of it.

https://metro.co.uk/2023/08/08/dad-appears-in-court-charged-with-causing-death-of-his-son-12-on-m62-19301503/

Dad appears in court charged with causing death of his son, 12, on M62

Matthew Rycroft has been charged with three offences.

https://metro.co.uk/2023/08/08/dad-appears-in-court-charged-with-causing-death-of-his-son-12-on-m62-19301503/

OneTwoThreeShake · 17/08/2023 16:10

I think its really strange to piggyback onto a tragic event and claim its in some way close to you, when the reality is it's someone you barely knew but crossed paths with many years ago. Quite disingenuous really.

I know several people who have been to prison. One killed a man with a one punch hit. These things happen. It was 100% his fault because he chose to hit somebody, the same as your "acquaintance" chose to drive off. Everybody knows someone who's done awful things, whether they're aware or not.

oakleaffy · 17/08/2023 16:11

Zero sympathy with hit and RUN
probably under influence of substances as well to do a runner.

A lovely student working on a pizza delivery was killed in a hit and run by two drunk women racing- they ploughed into him and left him to die.
A man I knew lived nearby and heard the bang- and was the one to call ambulance and to be with the young man.

The perps has zero remorse.

hiding5675687 · 17/08/2023 16:13

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 17/08/2023 14:45

I don't think this is one of those instances where you find yourself in prison over an unfortunate series of events. This acquaintance chose to leave the scene of the accident. A reasonable person does not leave someone to die in the road because they just panicked.

Precisely this ^

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