Page 7 | Someone I vaguely know is going to jail

Samscity · 2023-08-17T11:51:10+00:00

An article was circulated in a WhatsApp group chat today of someone we went to university with. He was involved in a hit and run and killed the person and then handed himself in. He's now going to jail I think it's so scary how someone's fate can change so dramatically in a heartbeat. I feel it's shocking and so devastating that someone died. I don't know the guy that did it well at all, just saw him at a friend's flat party etc never spoke to him.. but just all very unnerving

Againstmachine · 18/08/2023 17:15

CremeEggThief · 18/08/2023 15:34

Of course it's wrong for some people in this country to apparently be so privileged and sheltered and living in a bubble well into adulthood.
How can you people empathise and relate to the majority, who do not have this privilege, effectively? I think the simple answer is you can't.

That might be ok for most of you in this bubble, but it is not ok for certain professionals: e.g. childcare workers, teachers and social workers, who do not have awareness and respect for the different experiences and backgrounds of ALL the children they will come into contact with, not just the privileged.

No wonder society is growing more polarised instead of less.

This is a weird post making out people are better because they may know criminals.

It really isn't a bad thing like you are trying to make out.

BlossomCloud · 18/08/2023 17:38

CremeEggThief · 18/08/2023 15:34

Of course it's wrong for some people in this country to apparently be so privileged and sheltered and living in a bubble well into adulthood.
How can you people empathise and relate to the majority, who do not have this privilege, effectively? I think the simple answer is you can't.

That might be ok for most of you in this bubble, but it is not ok for certain professionals: e.g. childcare workers, teachers and social workers, who do not have awareness and respect for the different experiences and backgrounds of ALL the children they will come into contact with, not just the privileged.

No wonder society is growing more polarised instead of less.

Its possible to have empathy and understanding without having lived experience.

What do you want us to do, hang around prisons looking for friends? Ask our uncle if he wouldn't mind robbing a bank?

It's not a bad thing that many people have an entire network of friends and family who are law abiding. I tend to choose people whose values are similar to mine for my friends*, and it's not that surprising that my family's values align with mine

*Note, not background, they come from every social class

BlossomCloud · 18/08/2023 17:38

CremeEggThief · 18/08/2023 15:34

Of course it's wrong for some people in this country to apparently be so privileged and sheltered and living in a bubble well into adulthood.
How can you people empathise and relate to the majority, who do not have this privilege, effectively? I think the simple answer is you can't.

That might be ok for most of you in this bubble, but it is not ok for certain professionals: e.g. childcare workers, teachers and social workers, who do not have awareness and respect for the different experiences and backgrounds of ALL the children they will come into contact with, not just the privileged.

No wonder society is growing more polarised instead of less.

Its possible to have empathy and understanding without having lived experience.

What do you want us to do, hang around prisons looking for friends? Ask our uncle if he wouldn't mind robbing a bank?

It's not a bad thing that many people have an entire network of friends and family who are law abiding. I tend to choose people whose values are similar to mine for my friends*, and it's not that surprising that my family's values align with mine

*Note, not background, they come from every social class

Avavlon · 18/08/2023 18:04

I was hit by a hit and run cycling to work in Jan just left in the road if a van traveling the other way hadn't seen my bike lights and stopped I could have been hit by another car
6 nth off work difcult time they never found the driver their were appeals on FB and in the local paper the Pearson must have released they hit someone I realise I was lucky to not be killed as someone else said accdent happen but it the not stopping that the crime the police think he may have been over the limit I say he but it could have been any one

Kentucky83 · 18/08/2023 18:16

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2023 14:32

What is your AIBU here?

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

This is clearly the first experience of this kind that OP has had and is wanting to talk about it because it has shocked them. Talking helps.

BlossomCloud · 18/08/2023 18:19

Kentucky83 · 18/08/2023 18:16

This is clearly the first experience of this kind that OP has had and is wanting to talk about it because it has shocked them. Talking helps.

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Exactly. I would feel the same as the op if I found out someone in my social group was going to prison.

tuvamoodyson · 18/08/2023 18:38

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2023 14:32

What is your AIBU here?

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

I don’t know anyone who’s arrested or sent to prison…

WiddlinDiddlin · 18/08/2023 18:47

DinnaeFashYersel · 17/08/2023 17:11

I'm surprised at the levels of sympathy for hit and run drivers on this thread.

It's a pretty serious crime.

I don't know that its sympathy exactly.

I can understand why someone might behave a certain way and I can accept some people might not have full cognitive control at that point. For me, it's what they do the second they ARE in control - if they keep running/hiding... theres no excuse for that. If they get a grip and go find help/tell someone etc... thats different.

Humans are subject to the same basic behaviour patterns when the brain is in crisis as any other animal - flight, fight, freeze and fiddle about - some people will come out of that state very fast and be sensible and useful, and, some people will not.

Until you've actually experienced a really traumatic situation, you really don't know what you'd do, so its very easy to say 'Oh well I would do xyz...' which of course makes it super easy to judge others.

GarlicGrace · 18/08/2023 18:47

I don't know anyone who has been arrested. I also don't know anyone who has had an abortion, or anyone who has shoplifted, or anyone who has smacked their children - @BadNomad

I'd say this shows you "know" very few people, as in know them well for who they are. Maybe all your conversations revolve around - I dunno: recipes, house prices and Love Island. It certainly appears you avoid potentially awkward or upsetting topics, and probably come across as intolerant - adolescent shoplifting's so commonplace that few would bother to hide it, unless they felt you'd be inclined to pass delayed judgement on them.

I mean, you do you. I'm puzzled by your determination not to know anything "difficult" about your so-called friends, but we're obviously very different kinds of people.

BadNomad · 18/08/2023 18:56

@GarlicGrace you ask people if they've had abortions?

I don't see it as any of my business. If they want to tell me they can, but I'm not going to ask. I'm not a bit judgemental and they know it. Hence why I know about affairs they've had, medical issues they've gone through, miscarriages that no one else knows. Lots of secrets. But, no, never felt the need to ask anyone if they've ever had an abortion or shoplifted.

NameChangexox · 18/08/2023 19:22

Someone I worked with has recently been charged with double murder, really shook us all up actually! He was always very quiet but a little bit odd!

ttcat37 · 18/08/2023 19:51

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2023 14:32

What is your AIBU here?

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

I think you may need to review your social circles as this is not normal or common

XenoBitch · 18/08/2023 20:07

ttcat37 · 18/08/2023 19:51

I think you may need to review your social circles as this is not normal or common

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I know a lot of people who have been arrested (myself included), and a few that have done time. We all have various mental health issues in common.
I certainly wont be reviewing my social circles as no one in it has wronged me, and I enjoy their company.

LifeExperience · 18/08/2023 20:07

I know a woman who killed someone in cold blood and cut up the body, parts of which have never been found. I would never have thought her capable of something like that, but if you live long enough and know enough people, I don't think it's terribly unusual to know someone who's done something illegal enough to end up in prison.

drpet49 · 18/08/2023 20:11

CremeEggThief · 18/08/2023 15:05

LOL at the innocents who don't know people who have been arrested or in jail!🤣😂🤣

How the hell can you get well into adult life in the UK, living such a sheltered life?! 🙄😆

Round where I live even most of the kids under 10 know people who have been in trouble with the law!

@CremeEggThief You sound proper rough

Goatymum · 18/08/2023 20:11

I know two people who have been to jail - both bang to rights. Both definitely have personality disorders of some type.

PuttingDownRoots · 18/08/2023 20:16

I know a few people who have criminal records... all outwardly respectable adults now. All relating to their late teens/very early 20s. Basically being young and stupid...often with alcohol involved.

One of these was my cousin... and being 12 years older than me, I had no idea until the family found it amusing I had put him next to my cousinon the other side of the family, who is a vicar, on my wedding seating plan.

BananaSlug · 18/08/2023 20:40

saying you don’t know doesn’t mean they’ve never been arrested or been to prison, you might know someone who just hasn’t told you. I know someone whose been arrested and got a caution for common assault who is now a qualified teacher. Just because they haven’t told you doesn’t mean anything 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m sure she doesn’t go around telling people so you would be none the wiser

Ilovecleaning · 18/08/2023 21:05

Yes. I sympathise. It’s a lesson in life. Things happen to us, not just to other people. I don’t know how old you are, OP but you will find these things happen to you in life. 🌺

Clafoutie · 18/08/2023 21:23

youcandanceifyouwanna · 17/08/2023 14:47

Exactly. seems like the OP posted here for traffic, or is looking for stories.

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Wow, people are very quick to judge! Perhaps the OP just felt understandably shocked and wanted to share her feelings. That’s ok, isn’t it?!

Clafoutie · 18/08/2023 21:32

WiddlinDiddlin · 18/08/2023 18:47

I don't know that its sympathy exactly.

I can understand why someone might behave a certain way and I can accept some people might not have full cognitive control at that point. For me, it's what they do the second they ARE in control - if they keep running/hiding... theres no excuse for that. If they get a grip and go find help/tell someone etc... thats different.

Humans are subject to the same basic behaviour patterns when the brain is in crisis as any other animal - flight, fight, freeze and fiddle about - some people will come out of that state very fast and be sensible and useful, and, some people will not.

Until you've actually experienced a really traumatic situation, you really don't know what you'd do, so its very easy to say 'Oh well I would do xyz...' which of course makes it super easy to judge others.

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Completely agree. To imagine how someone might respond in an extreme situation is not ‘excusing’ them, as some PP are saying. Of course hit and run is unforgivable, but he handed himself in, he is going to jail, and he has to live the rest of his life knowing he has killed someone. As you say, none of us know how we would react to extreme shock, so judgement is easy. That is just an observation, not an attempt to excuse him, or to minimise the fact that he killed someone. It sounds horrific all round, and I can understand why the OP might be shocked, I know I would be.

Yellowlegobrick · 18/08/2023 22:15

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

It depends how wide your social circle is etc? It is pretty uncommon. Im almost 40 and no absolutely no one who's been arrested or spent time in jail. Or they've never admitted it. In my career path either would likely result in immediate dismissal from your job. You'd be unlikely to be employed with a criminal record either.

ClimbEveryLadder · 18/08/2023 22:45

continentallentil · 17/08/2023 14:43

I don’t think most people know someone in jail!

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Gosh I thought I was boringly middle class and law abiding but when I add it up I’ve known at least 7 8 people that have been in jail Gonna stop wondering as just remembered another

ttcat37 · 18/08/2023 22:54

XenoBitch · 18/08/2023 20:07

I know a lot of people who have been arrested (myself included), and a few that have done time. We all have various mental health issues in common.
I certainly wont be reviewing my social circles as no one in it has wronged me, and I enjoy their company.

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Entirely your prerogative but it’s still not normal or common.

namechangeforthis5 · 18/08/2023 23:17

When I was nearly 17 I lost my virginity to this guy. He was nice and quiet only thing about him was he smoked a lot of weed. Found out a couple of years ago (I'm 42 now) that he had gone to prison for holding a prostitute hostage and repeatedly raping and beating her. I was really shaken up by this and felt ashamed I'd had sex with him. I'd seen him at a party about 5 years after I'd gone out with him (for only 3 months) and he was a bit weird but I put it down to him being drunk. I can't reconcile how he went from that quiet Sikh guy to such violence. I have told hardly anyone about this hence the name change.