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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Someone I vaguely know is going to jail

189 replies

Samscity · 17/08/2023 12:51

An article was circulated in a WhatsApp group chat today of someone we went to university with. He was involved in a hit and run and killed the person and then handed himself in. He's now going to jail

I think it's so scary how someone's fate can change so dramatically in a heartbeat. I feel it's shocking and so devastating that someone died. I don't know the guy that did it well at all, just saw him at a friend's flat party etc never spoke to him.. but just all very unnerving

OP posts:
MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 17/08/2023 14:46

A teenager was killed near me recently. 4 lads in a car, speeding at night. All well over the limit for alcohol and other substances. Crashed through a hedge that had a wooden fence within it. 3 walked away, fourth killed in a terrible fluke where a piece of wood from the fence struck him and killed him. I know the father of the lad who died.

It’s a terrible, needless, tragic accident but the family of the lad who was driving has received death threats and the lad himself is on suicide watch, goodness knows what will happen to him. Of course he made the choice to drive, but I’m thinking it could have been any of them that were driving that night and they all got into a car thinking they were invincible. So many lives ruined that night.

youcandanceifyouwanna · 17/08/2023 14:47

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2023 14:32

What is your AIBU here?

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

Exactly. seems like the OP posted here for traffic, or is looking for stories.

squashi · 17/08/2023 14:47

Shows how quickly life can turn around.

Ponoka7 · 17/08/2023 14:50

Do you actually know him now though? There's plenty of people, especially men who are university educated, or have good earnings who are still thuggish, arrogant, abusive etc. If you walk places you see near misses all the time because of aggressive drivers. The people, speeding, going across zebra crossings, ignoring red lights aren't low lifes, they are 'decent' people. Tbh I judge bad driving more than someone working on the side or shop lifting. As for those describing accident situations, that isn't what's happened. There's been a level of dangerous etc driving to get a custodial sentence.

Original poster
Samscity · 17/08/2023 14:58

Sorry it wasn't meant to be an attention seeking post. I was just a bit unnerved by it and wanted to share a story. Probably somewhere other than AIBU would've been better.

OP posts:
Original poster
Samscity · 17/08/2023 14:59

Ponoka7 · 17/08/2023 14:50

Do you actually know him now though? There's plenty of people, especially men who are university educated, or have good earnings who are still thuggish, arrogant, abusive etc. If you walk places you see near misses all the time because of aggressive drivers. The people, speeding, going across zebra crossings, ignoring red lights aren't low lifes, they are 'decent' people. Tbh I judge bad driving more than someone working on the side or shop lifting. As for those describing accident situations, that isn't what's happened. There's been a level of dangerous etc driving to get a custodial sentence.

I don't know him know him. He's just a friend of a friend from uni. Seemed like a nice enough person. Just all very sobering.

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 17/08/2023 15:01

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 17/08/2023 13:26

I was driving home from work one day, well under the speed limit going around a sharp bend on a road I know well, with good visibility of the area around me. There was a man walking down a path towards the road; I registered that he was walking oddly so was aware of him. As he moved onto the path parallel to the road, he tripped and fell and would have landed with his head right in front of my front wheel. Thankfully he caught himself and I had braked. He straightened up and staggered on and it became obvious that he was blind drunk. He was so close to dying that day, and my life would have been destroyed too.

It can happen so easily.

If he was drunk and you were under the speed limit, and you immediately called emergency services, you wouldn't have gone to jail. But of course it would have stayed with you forever.

gogomoto · 17/08/2023 15:03

It's pretty shocking when you discover someone from the past has commuted a crime. In my case the person arguably did a far worse crime, no one died but ick, horrible heinous crimes... knew them at university.

Dinojump · 17/08/2023 15:05

Dotjones · 17/08/2023 13:53

It's the "and run" part that makes me lose sympathy. Any driver can do the "hit" part, no matter how careful they are - you can be driving at 20mph in a 30mph zone and a child can dart out from behind a parked van. (This happened to me, I stopped just in time. If they'd darted out a second later I'd have definitely hit them.)

But the "and run" is unforgivable. The only excuse for not stopping and calling for help is if you genuinely fear for your life, in which case you must still contact the police immediately.

Nobody knows how they would react if they got someone. Panic and shock changes your way of thinking. YABU.

FooFighter99 · 17/08/2023 15:08

Hoppinggreen · 17/08/2023 14:41

There was so much more to that story though.
The driver was the child’s Dad, he crashed his car while allegedly drunk then drove to the motorway and for some reason drove up the slip road to the services, at some point the 12 year old got out of the car and was hit by it.
No panic, just a drunken idiot responsible for the death of his son (allegedly)

Show quote history

@Hoppinggreen can you link to the article? All the reports I read have suggested that the car he was in crashed, he and his dad got out and he was later hit by a different driver who failed to stop. I can't find anything to suggest it was his dad who hit him

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 17/08/2023 15:11

Someone I used to hang about with as a teen was sent to prison for murdering his girlfriend's baby. He wasn't the biological father. She left the baby with him whilst she went to arrange an abortion so he killed her baby because she was killing his. He's out now after serving about 16 years.

Americano75 · 17/08/2023 15:12

LylaLee · 17/08/2023 13:57

How do you find out why people are there? Is it just based on what they tell you, or you read the files and memorize:John Smith - murdered a lollipop lady. Beat her to death with the sign because she was taking too long; Joe Bloggs -tax evasion; Ben Jones - doctor who accidentally gave someone a lethal dose, misreading a 100mg syringe for a 10mg one.

Show quote history

Variety of ways, you know what type most are in for based on where they live in the prison. I only come into contact with a smallish percentage of the popularity though, and often I hear more about their backgrounds than their crimes.

Elvis1956 · 17/08/2023 15:15

I think it's the area where you grew up that effects your view on things. Before I was 25 the following occurred and involving people I went to school with or living with 1/2 mile of my house
Neighbours convicted of being a contract killer.
good friend murdered over a drug deal
lad died smuggling drugs ... The condom he swallowed burst
leader of local biker gang escaped from prison and was recaptured after hijacking a bus!
A very very nasty piece of work I went to school with killed his girlfriends child...he'd previously been driving the car a friend of mine died in the accident he caused
New the son, wife and in laws of the first person convicted by DNA evidence.
several friends went to borstal/prison
this all happened in the UK in a small village with a great community spirit

Sausage1989 · 17/08/2023 15:17

I wouldn't even think anything of this lol I know so many people who have been to jail!

Charrington · 17/08/2023 15:17

I was walking on the footpath outside our house with my dc. Ds was 4 and was beside me but not holding my hand. A person came around the corner, being half dragged by two big dogs that dived between us. He was terrified of dogs and took a step toward the road but froze on the edge of the path because we had a rule about not stepping on the road without holding my hand. His beautiful little autistic brain just prioritised the rule in that situation.

At that exact moment a car came round the corner, driving far too fast through a residential estate but probably taking a route that she drove day in day out. If ds hadn’t frozen, he would probably have been killed and the driver, speeding in an estate full of small kids would have been responsible.

It was one of those sliding doors moments. My heart is in my throat just thinking about it. But as a driver, you always have to remember that you’re operating a potential killing machine.

JenWillsiam · 17/08/2023 15:17

Samscity · 17/08/2023 14:59

I don't know him know him. He's just a friend of a friend from uni. Seemed like a nice enough person. Just all very sobering.

Show quote history

It’s sobering that someone has gone to jail for killing someone? Not the person who’s actually dead?

MikeRafone · 17/08/2023 15:21

I think it is wise to have dash cam both outside view and inside view - with an crash occurring you can then show you were not speeding, not distracted, not on your phone illegally.

People go out to crashes and figure out what happened, they can pin point whether someone applied the brake, all sorts of tec stuff. But for peace of mind having a dash cam showing how the driver was behaving would be ideal for many people. Eventually I think. insurance companies will give better deals to people with dash cam and black boxes etc

mymycherrypie · 17/08/2023 15:22

This is the problem really though. He seemed like a nice person but panic caused him to leave a potentially dying person alone in the road. Did he even know who he hit?Let’s hope jail cures him of the tendency to do such shit things and blame it on panic. No sympathy from me.

Lifeomars · 17/08/2023 15:25

Somebody I know is currently waiting to be sentenced after being found guilty of murder, I am not adding anything else as it is too identifying but suffice to say this has not only involved a terrible death but also enormous devastation in a lot of lives. Violent crime really is the metaphorical stone in the pond with regard to its effect on many others as well as the immediate victim. A life has been violently taken and other lives are irrevocably altered.

LakeTiticaca · 17/08/2023 15:27

GoodChat · 17/08/2023 14:38

There's no excuse for a hit and run. Why are people making excuses for him? You hit someone, you stop. That's it.

Nobody is making excuses for him. They are explaining the "fight or flight" response

BlossomCloud · 17/08/2023 15:27

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2023 14:32

What is your AIBU here?

Surely by a certain age in life, everyone must know someone who's at least been arrested, if not have spent time in jail? It really isn't an uncommon thing, OP!

Really? I don't. I don't think anyone in my family does either.

I did lose my first boyfriend because he was killed by a hit and run driver though. He was 19.

"And run" is particularly unacceptable. Even if the accident was unavoidable, running is inexcusable

Towdalinenow · 17/08/2023 15:28

This thread is very odd. People go to prison everyday! The OP didn’t even know the guy. Statistically the majority of people will know someone in their extended network who has gone to prison… an ex school mate, colleague, distant cousin etc.

Surely we all know accidents happen… wrong time, wrong place. It could easily have been him that died.

BUT It was the running away bit that has landed him in prison though. Well deserved id say. You’ve nothing to worry about… if you’re in an accident, don’t run away!!

BlossomCloud · 17/08/2023 15:28

But as a driver, you always have to remember that you’re operating a potential killing machine.

Agreed.

SayingwhatIreallythink · 17/08/2023 15:29

I agree with you OP. It’s horrible to think that we could so easily end up in jail for the sake of a few seconds of inattention.

PuttingDownRoots · 17/08/2023 15:29

How many people that are completely nice and generally law abiding do stuff like drive the morning after a few too many drinks, go at 80 on a motorway or 40 through a village.. or look at that phone while driving...

Honestly... lots of people do these things and are lucky to get away with it.

Leaving the scene is bad. Some people panic... or don't realise what they've hit... but others do it deliberately to avoid a breath test for example.