To ask if you’ve got a big family how do you get by?

[Schnitzelvonkrummm]

I guess Big is relative, but say 3 kids +. How do you afford it?

how do you holiday? And how much does it cost?

what’s your house like? Does each child have their own room?

i wonder if the majority of big families are on mega bucks (or so to speak) like 70k+ each? Then how do you have time for it all?

i was mindlessly scrolling on insta as you do and came across the Collins kids, 10 kids and open to more (now they philosophy behind it is a bit wonky to me but won’t get into that) and the mum was saying people assume that they have a mansion and are super duper wealthy but they aren’t, they are average and they just make it work and her husband works very hard. My guess is that they have to be a bit above average at least but still.

Do the Instagram family have lots of practical help from extended family? Not having to pay nursery fees alone is tens of thousands of pounds not needed.

How do you afford it?

Either they will earn more money or they will have lower expectations and spending. It isn't rocket science.

From what I saw, no, but they also home school (they have quite strong Christian fundamentalists beliefs so don’t send kids to school because of that)

more money is relative though? More money than what?

look on MN and there are people who are saying they have a combined gross of 100k that are struggling and can’t cut back anymore

Well we only have one. But your examples of house etc, we already had house before Ds was born. We have spare bedrooms so if we chose to we could easily fit say 4-6 children in and the cost would be the same as without children.
Holiday wise depends on holiday. But if your driving and staying in apartment or villa the cost is per rental not per person. Obviously you would need a massive villa for 10+ children, but if your usual is a 3 bed villa your cost for 1 or 4 children would be similar

day to day costs I have no idea though. Must spend a fortune on food, essentials and clothing

This. I have one child by choice, as a direct result of growing up in a large, poor family. It was miserable — we shared not just rooms but (small) beds for long periods, there was nowhere quiet to do your homework (I studied for my A level equivalents lying flat on my lower bunk, because there was nowhere else), barely enough food, knowing never to invite a friend because there was no extra to go round), parents only focused on food and clothes, and individual attention only to the younger ones who had, obviously, more physical needs.

So no, sometimes it just doesn’t work. Petiole do just have large numbers of children they can’t afford..

We have 3dc and wouldn’t class us as a large family. Very simplistic but we had the amount of children we could afford to have without compromising what we want from life. Would loved to have had more but realistically something would have been compromised and I wasn’t prepared to give things up in order to further expand our family.
We holiday 4 times a year, 2 abroad and 2 UK. Use villas abroad and cottages in the U.K., totally self catering as it’s more flexible and each dc can have their own room/privacy, we can do what we please and suit everyone’s needs.
They all have their own bedrooms at home.
We earn enough to live a comfortable life, it was very hard work at the beginning but now we are both established we have a lot more free time.

look on MN and there are people who are saying they have a combined gross of 100k that are struggling and can’t cut back anymore

In general, those people have a poor understanding of necessities vs luxuries.

If they posted their income and expenditure, most people would see areas where they could cut back and still have a more luxurious lifestyle than most of the population.

It's all relative though, that is the point. There is no one way of doing anything. Families with lots of children will either have a high income or they will have low outgoings, plus the whole spectrum in between. Exactly the same for families with less kids.

That was another thing, the emotional time and physical ability to care of that many kids… im sure some do manage but that social media family it seemed like the older ones were taking care of the younger ones but I guess that’s bound to happen with 10 kids and 5 of them being 5 and under.

Not really. Your essential spending is based on your previous situation and outgoings. So when things change (lost of living crisis, redundancy etc) it's not always easy to cut back, espeically quickly.

Anyway, to the OP, on insta they probably get loads of income from that. But outside that I think the more you have the cost of each individual child goes down. Is one of the parents already a SAHP? If so there is no additional cost for them stayuing home with subsequent kids. Is there loads to pass down? Then no need to buy anything more. Is the family already happy for the kids to share rooms? If so, putting in a bunk bed instead of one of the twin beds isn't a huge cost increase. Economies of scale and all that.

The problem probably sneaks up on you a bit as they grow older though, as their expenses and need for space increases.

When I look at friends with 3+ kids it is usually either a case of having a very high earner or two decent incomes which allow to buy in help. Big house, all kids have their own rooms and nice holidays OR a lot of benefit dependency with at least one parent not in work. So no need for childcare. Low income (guess topped up with UC).

I don't know any people in between with average incomes with big families. If you have to pay for childcare, mortgage etc I don't think more than 2 DC is affordable.

It's just my observation. No idea how true statistically.

I have a larger family.
Yeah we don't have nice things and we aren't quite hand to mouth but we aren't far off

The big families you hear about (like the Radfords, on the ones with Quintuplets, or your example) monetise it some extent. And the social media will only show the good bits while the TV bits are scripted to some extent.

If you read MN there are plenty of threads making the most of a small space a family is outgrowing... parents on sofa beds, toddlers in parents room out of necessity not choice, preschoolers in bunk beds.

A friend was waiting 18 months for a bigger council home because they needed a 4 bed so they couldn't give them a 3 bed despite being in a 2 bed flat (4 children but eldest has autism and was assessed as needing own room)

I guess that’s what I mean… I don’t know any ‘average’ income households with more than 3kids (guess that depends on what you define as average) and then those whilst they aren’t utterly lavish still earn probably more than average, and had GP support or limited childcare costs and don’t pay for wrap around childcare

We have 4 daughters and 1 on the way. We are high earners, DH works full time and I don't work atm. His salary is more than enough for us to comfortably live on. We have 2 children in private school and a nanny to help with the toddler and baby. We'll probably either hire a second nanny or enrol our middle daughter in nursery when baby 5 arrives.

Lots of bigger families manage on normal incomes, savvy shopping and making money on the side helps some, others don't notice a need to be careful. I'd say a lot of bigger families go without holidays, brand new cars, etc. The biggest outgoing for bigger families isn't always food and clothes, it's nursery/childcare fees which can be avoided by paying for a childminder/nanny to care for all of the children (which often works out cheaper than 3/4 nursery fees)

You might find the religious families with <10 kids have help from their church or community with food, nappies, etc. So they may earn modest salaries but get free/discounted goods to supplement them.

The biggest outgoing for bigger families isn't always food and clothes, it's nursery/childcare fees which can be avoided by paying for a childminder/nanny to care for all of the children (which often works out cheaper than 3/4 nursery fees)

sorry that made me laugh. In my next life I will hire a nanny to avoid paying for nursery 🤣

We have 6 dc.
I was a sahm until the youngest started school. We had a low income but tied, rent free accommodation that went with dh's job.

We (private) rent now, as have never had any family help or been able to save for a deposit.

2 dc have now left home (26 and 22 yo) the 2 youngest share a large room that could be divided, but they both are happy sharing.

We don't holiday as we have lots of animals and would also struggle to afford it, and dhs work is agricultural so tricky to get away.

We were managing well but have struggled recently as everything has increased so much. All children have had hobbies, after school clubs etc.
practically we have had little to no family help - sporadic and unreliable. I was a sahm as that was what we thought was best and was also the cheapest option. I studied for my now career alongside being at home. I am now a primary school teacher.

We have also always made time for each child to have 1:1 time, which we feel is very important. We do not ask the older children to help with the younger ones, but they do have household chores such as unloading the dishwasher or walking the dog that they are responsible for. These get alternated every now and again.

My nursery fees for 3 children would be about £5500 a month, I pay my nanny around £2500 for the same hours. So yeah, in your next life i'd recommend it! x

@Ladyoftheknight My nursery fees for 3 children would be about £5500 a month

I find that very hard to believe.

@Ladyoftheknight You realise that this is more than most people earn in a month???

I have 6 kids. We live in a 4 bed semi and a have had an extra room made downstairs. We have a 7 seater car and a 9 seater. Husband works full time in a well paid job and I’m part time on NMW. We shop at places like Aldi and Asda. No big deal. For holidays we stay in the UK and book Haven or Parkdean holidays. We can afford to book lodges rather than caravans with the bonus of a washing machine and dishwasher. We aren’t interested in foreign holidays. We don’t have family help, we do it ourselves. I don’t work day times so I am always home for holidays and sick days etc. Again, no big deal. We don’t claim any benefits, we provide 100% for ourselves. There’s lots of assumption that we claim benefits and we absolutely don’t. The kids all get love and support and are all happy, well rounded kids. Youngest is due to receive a 15hrs free nursery place from September so I may up my hours if I feel I want to but it’s not completely necessary. Life is good. Lots of people are very confused by the lifestyles of large families which I get that vibe from your post, op.

We have 4, But on a part time basis ( blended family) we have a joint income of around 160k, 5 bed house, they all have their own room. Holidays generally cost about 5-6K ( we go abroad for a week) Shopping is a lot, but honestly the biggest outgoing apart from mortgage is maintenance to his ex. We both split things like school uniform etc, i find the trickiest things are when you want to go bowling or the cinema or something really kind of normal and it costs £100 before you've even really started! Day trips in school holidays are the killer and going into Primark is always a mistake! We are privileged in the grand scheme of things though i never would have had 4 kids myself, it does make things complicated and you have to have a 7 seater car etc. Finding hotel rooms big enough and pleasing everyone all the time is all hard work.

Yes, very few people can afford £5500 or would want to pay it! So if they need full time childcare, they may find paying for a nanny or childminder is better than paying multiple nursery fees! Hope that clears it up!

We live in London, where another nursery was going to charge £2,300 a month. We didn't want to put our childrenin nurseries further away from us with poor ratings and reputations, so we picked the next best thing and they charge around £1800 per month.

Without outing my childrens nursery, I can't do much else to help you believe it!