To ask if you’ve got a big family how do you get by?

[Schnitzelvonkrummm]

I guess Big is relative, but say 3 kids +. How do you afford it?

how do you holiday? And how much does it cost?

what’s your house like? Does each child have their own room?

i wonder if the majority of big families are on mega bucks (or so to speak) like 70k+ each? Then how do you have time for it all?

i was mindlessly scrolling on insta as you do and came across the Collins kids, 10 kids and open to more (now they philosophy behind it is a bit wonky to me but won’t get into that) and the mum was saying people assume that they have a mansion and are super duper wealthy but they aren’t, they are average and they just make it work and her husband works very hard. My guess is that they have to be a bit above average at least but still.

I have 3 DCs primary school age.

We have no debt

Earn combined 100K a year which is also made up of 2 yearly bonuses which pay for our yearly family holiday which costs around £7-9K

We had a standard normal sized 3 bedroom house which we extended to 4 because we had equity so remortgaged.

We have 1 car.

We save around £400 per month which we use for family days out, clothes and whatever is needed so that pot generally never goes over the £1000.

We have no actual long term pot of savings but we do intend to start.

DHs mum and dad done all the childcare because they absolutely wanted to and insisted which means we had amazing help when working and also saved a bloody fortune on childcare costs.

Id say we manage really well and have a decent life, we arent extravagant people so really live quite happily.

Id have more children but going to a forth would have alot of implications like bigger car, bigger house or possible bedroom reshuffle and holidays could potentially become unaffordable.

We've got 3 kids in a 2 bed house. We have 1 holiday a year (UK based) but we try to do as many little extras as we can (days out etc.) We've currently only got my teaching salary and my husband's carers allowance (our DD10 is disabled) but we're hoping that he will be able to go back to work once the DDs are in secondary school. Also, that I can focus more on moving up in my own career. We live mostly hand to mouth but we're very loving and try to have lots of experiences as cheap/free as we can.

I lost follow a woman who has large family (we were on same ivillage baby group back in day)
Husband is degree educated and works in science will be on a decent salary.
Live in rural area in USA will be cheap housing.
Second hand furniture.
Home educates, makes clothes, cooks entirely from scratch.
No extras - so no pre school, no activities for children beyond church. No trips that cost money do no soft play, no zoo etc.
Very frugal lifestyle. Birthday is a simple homemade cake made by sibling and maybe a doll - no big parties.
Children do chores in home from young so no paying cleaners, gardeners. Work externally from tween eg mothers help.
No tv.
They camp sometimes.
Just a very different lifestyle.

You’re right I do wonder how it works or how people manage, not in a judgmental way but because my late nan had a big family (back in the 30s/40s/ 50s some of her siblings are the same age as my mum but that’s by the byand it was a different era back the) and I always thought it’s so lovely that they all have each other. You know when tragedy strikes they always have each other to lean on.

realistically im too old for a large large family and I also don’t know how I could manage physically emotionally or financially.

I have four young children. I don't work currently, but will do again (self-employed) when my youngest is 3. We definitely don't earn a huge amount! We'll usually have pretty much run out of money in the last few days before wages are due. However, we live in our own home and don't pay a mortgage, which obviously helps massively. The two youngest share a room and the two older children have their own. Holidays tend to be in the UK in holiday cottages, self catered. It also helps that we have one set of grandparents in a beautiful UK holiday destination! We're generally really happy, but the extra money when I start bringing in an extra wage will be very welcome!

We have 3 children in uk. Had not planned to have 3, but we have made career decisions that have enabled the children to have a parent working flexibly so we don't use any wrap around care for school etc. we have no help from any family so manage on our own. But by focusing on my career we are comfortable and the children don't want for anything.

We have a loft conversation so each child has a room. We go abroad at least 1 a year. This year we have had 10 days in Spain, 4 weekend breaks in uk and have a week away in a cottage planned for October.

How do we do it ? We work, I guess our gross take home before tax is about £100k.
We are organised, book flights when deals are on. We do lots of day trips etc but use vouchers or deals/ discount codes.

We are not that careful with money but we try to be sensible and shop around for offers
I guess the biggest challenge is 1:1 time but we definitely have a lot of family time.

I have 4 children aged 12-18 and a 4-bed detached house. We converted the dining room into a bedroom so each of the children has their own room.

We have never had Grandparents help and I was a SAHM till the youngest started school so we didn't have to pay for childcare. Now I work in a school so we still don't. My husband is a high earner now but wasn't always but we are both naturally careful with money.

We have an old 7 seater car which I will drive till it dies, we holiday (mostly at home tbh) in the uk as abroad was so expensive and stressful. Clothes and uniform are passed down the line, and thankfully, my lot are not interested in brands and the latest iPhone so we don't have to pay out there. A lot of my friends also have 4 or more so we are not unusual and the kids don't know any different seeing as they are all close in age.

Where I work the majority of people who have 3-4 kids and there are a few with 5. Either high joint incomes (£130k+) or both earning just below the HR tax point so they get CB etc. They seem not to go without - multiple holidays per year, expensive parties, home makeovers etc. It seems to work for them - I’m often quite jealous of their disposable income!

Outside of work I only know a couple of families with 6+ kids - they don’t work and rely on benefits (multiple kids with disabilities). I don’t envy their lives at all - they look chaotic and crowded.

I have 3 and we are considering a 4th. Ours are 7 6 and 1 (nearly 2). Combined income is now about £85-90k. We have a 4 bed detached house. It has scope to build into the loft but if we have a 4th will move at some point. Our kids currently all have their own rooms but I don't think kids are deprived if they have to share as some on mumsnet do.

We have 3-4 UK breaks a year and haven't been abroad with the children ever. That's set to change as we are going to disneyland in October. The kids all go swimming and do one other activity a week each. This is manageable for me as I don't drive. Kids all get one on one time as older two are at school, when they are home we tag team to do homework , read to them or hear them read.

We have no family support and the single biggest cost was childcare as dd1 and ds are 15 months apart. We have no childcare costs currently as dh has compressed his hours so has dd2 whilst I'm working (a weekday and Saturdays).

Clothes wise I buy in the sales, I buy good quality clothes that withstand lots of washing. Dd2 has worn a lot of her sister's baby clothes. She also has lots of their toys as well as plenty of her own. I buy when needed but if I see a good deal I will buy and keep.

Dh and I have no expensive hobbies and are weekends are centred around family time. We do a lot of UK theme parks, softplay, museums visiting family etc. It's affordable if you use vouchers, bluelight discount and other offers.

*our

Why is it hard to believe?
2k a month for a baby going FT is typical in London and it can often be quite a bit more. High earners only get 15 hours funded the term after they turn 3 so it doesn’t drop off as you might expect. £5500 sounds perfectly normal for 3 under 5 tbh.

I don’t know anyone with more than 3 actually. Even 3 is quite the status symbol around here but then my kids are at a private school so you’d be looking at something like £60k a year post tax to send 3!!

I believe large families nowdays have a higher amount of disposable income...

My parents had 4 kids, were on pretty low/average wages and lived in HA housing. We did ok, I dont believe they could have afforded 4 now.

I don't necessarily assume that larger families have higher incomes, I would think that they have sacrificed other things (luxuries, holidays etc) in order to have more children. We are a higher income family (circa 180k combined) and only have 2 children but that was a conscious decision as we wanted to send our children to private school so we live in an affordable 3-bed semi to be able to do that. We could afford to have 3 or 4 kids comfortably but it would mean buying a bigger house and second car and would mean we couldn't put them through private school which is important to us. Different families just make different sacrifices I think.

We have 4 DC between 10 and 18. Combined income of £140k . I went back to work 5 years ago having stayed at home in the most part when the kids were little. We have 2 DC in private school which is my salary. We live in a cheap part of the world which obviously comes with positives and negatives (high travel costs, low job opportunity, catchment secondary with lots of issues but cheaper housing (ish)). We have a 5 bed house so all DC have their own rooms but it's half finished because we have prioritised their education over doing the house up.

We don't live an extravagant lifestyle. We shop at Aldi and Lidl and rarely eat out. All our disposable income goes on DC activities so they have all done lots of extra curriculars.

We holiday once a year and it's a mixture of abroad and UK. This year we went with friends and it cost us £1K for everything (food/entertainment/meals out) as we stayed in a bunk house in the middle of nowhere. I have booked flights for next year for us to Spain which cost £800 but we are fortunate to be able to stay in a relative's house for free.

Having 4 DC does make everything so much more expensive and does limit what we can do as a family not just due to cost but also time and the competing needs of each person.

We have 3 and are planning a 4th. Combined income of about 120k, although this varies.
Both of us work, 2 kids in nursery which costs a lot.
I tend to notice most large families are either very wealthy, or quite poor. If they are poor they can't afford many luxuries anyway so one more child doesn't change that, and very rich means they get lots of help and can pay for all their extra curricular stuff for all the children.

We are neither of those things. I accept that the children will probably lose out a bit by having so many, but gain in having more siblings. We should still be able to afford a few big abroad holidays in their childhood. We have a small 5 bed house, so each child could potentially have their own room but we need one as an office so two will share for as long as possible.
I actually think doing too many extra curricular things can be too much for kids anyway, and we will do what we can to make sure they still have a great childhood. We love the atmosphere that a larger family brings, we have a lot of fun.

Just realised 'small 5 bed' sounds a bit insensitive. What I mean by that is it's a small house for a 5 bed, so a standard 3 bed semi with a loft conversion, as opposed to large 5 bed house.

I’ll apologise if someone has already commented on this, however the Collins family are US Christian fundamentalists. Main occupation is grifting and conveniently live in a state with low child protection standards. If they were uk based social services would be all over them like a rash and they would be “that” family on the estate. The fundie snarking boards are a mine of information for debunking the instagram gloss.

Nothing would make me hate life more than having a big family. I have 2 and life is so hard and miserable. 4 would just tip me over.

I do feel sorry for the kids, in addition to having awful names, the older 3 seem to care for the younger ones, and are almost groomed into either being a ‘pastor’ or into having scores of kids.

ive not seen the pages debunking the gloss though

We have 6 DC between us ages 16-7, 5 live with us full time the other comes eow. We have a 3 bedrooms so 3 in each when they are all here. We have an 8 seater car and have days out. My OH works full time, I'm self employed but still trying to get started. We rent off a family member so it is a bit cheaper.

We have 4 between 18yrs - 8months.

My salary is 42k. Husband doesn't work any more (health related) so have no childcare costs which is massively helpful.

We're definitely not wealthy but are comfortable and live within our means. Have everything we need and some of what we want!

We shop at aldi and cook from scratch as convenience food is more expensive. I take a portion of last night's tea for lunch at work so that reduces needless spending for us.

We have 1 car although it's relatively new and live in a 3 bed house. Thankfully all the rooms are decent doubles so we've been able to adapt to create personal space for the older ones. We downsized from a 4bed last year when finances took a tumble.

Holidays - Turkey or haven (the price is very similar!) and do day trips and the odd weekend. We live north Yorkshire area so not a widely expensive pocket of the world.

We don't use credit and have no debts so that's helped during cost of living as no panic over rising interest rates.

I tend to buy clothes out of season when they're cheaper and in sales. Shoes are the big expensive as they blow through them like there's no tomorrow.

I wouldn't say we struggle although by the end of the month things feel a bit tight. If we knew our finances would be changing we probably wouldn't have had our 4th but you make decisions with the info you have at the time and adjust.

I have 4 children 10 and under and the giving my children my time is what I definitely find the hardest, they are constantly vying for my attention and I’m shattered a lot so it’s what I find the most difficult. I am very lucky that I have a very supportive husband and people that help out so I try to get 121 time in as much as possible.

My eldest is constantly trying to parent the younger ones lol and I’m always having to tell him that’s my job not his. I am teaching my children to be independent and while at I’m not getting them “working” as such they know to tidy their toys away, make their beds, put dirty washing in the basket, rubbish in the bin and dirty plates in the sink etc. they like helping out in the garden and that’s a team job to get that sorted. We make it work.

Financially, it’s not easy but you make it work, vinted, hand me downs from friends and charity shops are a godsend. I don’t get everything brand new. We also save all year for Christmas and I have already started picking up stocking fillers to spread out the cost.

We have an annual income of about 80-85k depending on overtime. Holiday are uk every year. Sometimes a week somewhere, sometimes 3-4 weekends away or overnight stays here and there.

I do worry about finances and am looking to retrain to double my earning abilities to make the future a bit less daunting for us. We are comfortable for now and have play money left each month and decent savings but I know teenagers will cost me double what they cost me now.

A lot of people say you can't give 4 kids enough time, but I totally disagree. If you have a supportive husband who is around in the evenings then it's no different to many families who have two and are either single parents or have a partner working away/long hours
It depends how much time you want to yourself, and how dedicated you are to family life. We don't have much of a life outside our kids although that will change once they are older and more independent. But I'm an all or nothing kind of person. Pre kids I was a party girl, loads of hobbies etc then once I had kids I threw myself into family life, wanted lots of children and dropped everything else. I don't try to hold onto any semblance of my old life.

Also children don't need loads of dedicated one on one time. It's important to have SOME one on one time, but raising kids that expect constant attention isn't good either, life won't be like that when they leave home. Being able to occupy yourself, and enjoy a process or hobby without constant praise is important.

You won’t see it on instagram. Have a look on Reddit and Facebook- I’d put aside an evening though! It’s a rabbit hole. Google fundie snark.the debunk all the gloss. Essentially these people put a gloss on the lifestyle to evangelise and convert people to what is portrayed as a simpler more wholesome life as long as you forget about women’s equality. These are the trump base. It’s equally fascinating and horrifying when you dig deeper.

I have a big family ( five children ), we both work and always have and own our own home. We do not claim any benefits and have never had any childcare support from family.
I feel judged often, and unless people ask don't talk about my family size. It is an area where people do feel free to make comments that can be unkind.
Financially we have always made it work. I genuinely feel that avoiding buying / consuming unless it is stuff you really need is the way forward. If we have needed extra money we have worked longer hours. We don't buy new clothes for ourselves ( do for the kids) or new cars, drink or smoke. I haven't been abroad for years - none of it is a big deal as I am happy to buy second hand and holiday in this country. I hope this makes some difference to the environmental impact of having a bigger family, although I know it doesn't entirely.
I love my family , and don't regret anything or any of my choices.
I continue to feel that women cannot win - work / don't work, have too few or no children. There will be criticism from somewhere ....