To ask if you’ve got a big family how do you get by?

[Schnitzelvonkrummm]

I guess Big is relative, but say 3 kids +. How do you afford it?

how do you holiday? And how much does it cost?

what’s your house like? Does each child have their own room?

i wonder if the majority of big families are on mega bucks (or so to speak) like 70k+ each? Then how do you have time for it all?

i was mindlessly scrolling on insta as you do and came across the Collins kids, 10 kids and open to more (now they philosophy behind it is a bit wonky to me but won’t get into that) and the mum was saying people assume that they have a mansion and are super duper wealthy but they aren’t, they are average and they just make it work and her husband works very hard. My guess is that they have to be a bit above average at least but still.

we have 5 - 2 are adults now but still live at home. We have a 6 bedroom detached house - was a 4 and we converted the loft when our youngest was born

we both work full time earning 150-175k between us

we have just had a cheap self catering holiday in Uk - for 3 youngest

we don't go abroad every year but when we do I book a villa and flights separately - much cheaper.

We have both improved our prospects - started off with 2 kids in 2 bed terrance earning about 30k between us - then moved to 3 bed semi and had 4 kids earning as little as 28k but rising to 60k over time

I have 5. They each have their own bedroom and we have nice holidays etc. The simple fact is that my DH makes a lot. It sounds really crass to say out loud but that’s the facts. My husband grew up with double digit siblings and no money and he loved his childhood, but I’m thankful we’re able to provide ours with both a big family and nice material things.

I find it incredibly easy to believe. I’m not even in London (Home Counties) and the local nursery is £100 a day per child. I know lots of people who’ve hired a nanny because it’s often a cheaper option once you have 2+ kids (depending on a few variables like age gaps, entitlement to funding, top up fees charged by the nursery)

How much is a lot? If you don’t mind sharing

About 250k. I don’t think that much is necessary by any means at all to have a larger family (I have a number of friends with more children on a lot less money) but I won’t pretend it doesn’t help tremendously.

I have 6 children - dh works i am a sahm . We home educate (well the two oldest are at college now but the youngest 4 are still home ed).

im not sure what the answer is to your question income is around 80-90k from dh and as for time i enjoy it so it doesnt seem too much to me.

my kids seem happy enough with it at least the oldest when offered an opportunity to move out for college says she would
much rather live here so it cant be that bad!

Wow, what does your dh do? I’d love to earn that much but it’s probably out of my grasp

4 kids here, in our married life our income has ranged from 17k to now 55k. We've just bought a house where everyone has their own bedroom (2 share, currently.) We moved to a cheaper country to be able to buy a house. We haven't been abroad on holiday yet, we will be going next year and it is costing £4300 all inclusive for a week.
No family nearby, and we have never had family help.

I grew up in a place and time where large families (6+ kids) was the norm, and it was as you described. Never any holidays, very few new clothes, everything handed down. The older kids treated as built in free childcare for the younger. Older girls often kept home from school to help the mother cope. Much much lower expectations, parenting was really down to feeding and just about clothing the kids. It's not much like you see on television.

We have a decent income with 3 kids - but we spend 4.5k on childcare. It means we have no money for luxuries like holidays. It sucks . I can't see that hill coming down more when all 3 are in school as I'll be paying for wraparound care too.

4 young kids. I earn very well. DH earns very very well. We’ve a large 5 bed house, lots of rooms and outdoor space. Full time nanny. Travel is expensive but we ski and summer holiday with the kids as well as travel on short trips without them. Family holidays are around £8k. It’s expensive! We spend so much money on the house, gardens, kids activities. Our bills are massive though mortgage is pretty small. We are incredibly lucky not to have to worry about the cost of things. I don’t know how people are managing these days.

The drive to procreate must be so strong the price paid by some - no nice things no decent holidays being over crowded. I just don’t understand why anyone would choose that. I kind of get it if you are wealthy but personally the environmental guilt of a large family living a jet set lifestyle would cripple me.

I don’t know. It was £2k per month for full time nursery, and may be more now. There’s discounts for siblings but I can see how having 3 in at once could cost an absolute fortune!

On MN all families with 5+ kids are millionaires, with the kids all having their own bedrooms, being high achievers and doing loads of EC. In reality, these families are generally the poorest and are in need of the most intervention (ONS).
There are certain communities in the UK that have very large families due to religious conviction, and these children are now living below the poverty line in very overcrowded conditions due to the benefit cap. I read somewhere that to have a large family, you either have to be very rich or very poor.

I read somewhere that to have a large family, you either have to be very rich or very poor.
That is true in my experience.

4 dc here - all teens. How we afford it? We had kids later in life so had a decent deposit for a house. House was renovated to give each dc a room. Dh works entirely from home and I work away from home 2 days per week. I was a SAHM till the youngest was at school. I will only ever work part time due to additional needs of dc and making sure I am around to give them the extra time the need. No family living in this country.

Our dc don’t understand why they don’t have the best iPhones like their friends, but when they hit 15+ and prove they don’t lose things, they have gotten nicer tech. But we don’t ‘spoil’ them as much as their friends. I would go without also (eg, I have old bras, they have new ones). I don’t mind, it’s how we have adapted to the cost of living. I would always buy in sales out of season. Shop at Ocado and Aldi. We travel o/s, sometimes a long trip, sometimes cheap and cheerful. Always look for the best deals etc. dh is conservative with money, so that helps. Don’t eat out regularly, would treat with coffee in a cafe etc.

I also think it's worth noting we were fully equipped for a big family. It wasn't accidental or unplanned. We weren't 'winging it'. Lots of families get by under these circumstances but without planning, a safety net and a stable income it can be a struggle.

If DH didn't have such a good salary, if we didn't have a big enough house, etc we wouldn't have done it. Because it's hard enough even with the luxury and comfort we have, I can't imagine doing it without.

I think some people really love day to day living as a family, the laughs, the time together, being part of a big family. The happiest person I know is quite poor, she has 3 kids and lives in a council flat (husband left) and they have very little income, but enough to get by and buy essentials, the odd cheap day out, def no holidays.
She tells me she will never complain about her flat and not having a garden, as she is so lucky to have the security of a council flat. Her kids have grown up with a similar outlook (now teens) and are thriving and happy.

Actually I've really changed in this sense too. I used to live for holidays, but they are over so fast! I spend half the week thinking about how little time we have left, and then days catching up on washing. Chasing holidays and possessions always felt quite empty. Whereas having kids gave me far more satisfaction and a deeper sense of purpose , watching them interact is amazing. I can see why people think extra little people in their family is worth sacrificing certain things.

I think there must be something psychological behind it. Look at the Radfords and other mega families on social media. One of them is always crying on Facebook about how they're sick of not having enough space, money, time to do things, but has just announced she's having "the last baby". She said that about 4 dc ago when she had 8. They don't even have a car big enough to take more than 3 dc out. Anyone looking at their family would not find one single reason to have another child.

We’ve got a big blended family and know of a few other large families and loads with 3+ children. They seem to manage quite happily. People tend to make the best of what they have, friends with one child obviously have their own room, fairly new car and holidays abroad and meals out. Same income and house with 4 children then just 2 of them may be sharing a room, is haven holiday and not so many meals out. Both families usually seem able to afford cubs and swimming lessons etc and kids all seem happy

I guess it’s for people that absolutely love parenting. Personally we were done with two. Couldn’t bear to do that slog again and again though loved each stage at the time. Teens are fab but draining financially and emotionally even easy nice ones

What blows my mind is the Ramsay model older kids literally leaving home so they have a baby. I’m their age and Dh ans I are really looking forward to the next freer stage of life the thought of going back to zero makes me want to cry!

I know two couples who brought up four children each on a single income. All children adults now. Neither husband was a huge earner but there was family money/inheritance in both instances. Even so I got the impression there was not much spare money for luxuries/holidays etc.

We left our home city and moved to an area where we could afford a home where they could all have their own rooms. Definitely not rich but everyone has everything they need and much they want. When we holiday we rent a holiday home. Most often they have to share rooms on holiday.

I have 4 and am not a high earner but earn above average. I do work full time with a bit of UC. Kids share rooms, although they stay with ex a fair bit so he has two and I have two both in 3 bedroom houses. we don’t have holidays, takeaways, meals out type stuff, but live in a nice house, I own with a mortgage, bills paid, eat well (from Aldi), I run a car, dc do activities after school etc. Lots of free ( once you’ve got the kit) stuff in leisure time, bikes, paddle boarding. Flask of hot chocolate and some sandwiches rather than a cafe.

I was a sahm for the nursery years and definitely paying for it now. I was on 40k before I had eldest, law degree from a Russel group uni. It’s taken me years to get my earnings to 35k.

I have 8 kids though two are older and moved out now. I'm a single parent , my kids share 2 to a room then the 3 year old is still in with me. We have caravan holidays mostly though when the older kids were all little we didn't holiday at all but lived right by the beach.