AIBU about DD's gym knicker "shorts"?

[RiderGirl]

DD is just turned 13 and has taken to wearing "shorts" that I can only describe as looking like 1980's gym knickers in length, the literally sit in the crease of her buttocks. AIBU in saying that she isn't allowed to step outside the house wearing them? We keep falling out about it but I think they're wildly inappropriate!! To make it worse she wears them with a large t shirt and it just looks like she's in a t shirt and pants 🙈

I'm not sure what is wrong with photos, I suppose anyone can get caught out with an unexpected period but poo/pee stains at 13? Really?

People say we shouldn't police women and girls clothing which I agree with to an extent. However, we are all just animals and I do believe in decency. It doesn't seem right that a young child of 13 is displaying her buttocks and labia.
This isn't anti-feminist at all - I'd feel exactly the same if a 13 year old boy was wearing shorts so tight and short that I could clearly see the outline of his penis and testicles and his bum cheeks were hanging out. It would horrify me that a small child was wearing such sexualised clothing. Boys/men just don't wear such clothes - unless it's in a sporting context. Why is it socially acceptable for a pubescent girl to wear clothes that reveal so much of her genitals? Rather than blaming the patriarchy for suggesting girls don't reveal so much - I'd blame the patriarchy for the fact that girls (not boys) are revealing everything in the first place!

How many 13 year olds want sensible clothes. What do you think she should be buying, twinset and pearls might be nice.

There's a big gap between twin set and pearls, and showing your arse to all and sundry. Sensible clothes in my house are ones that cover the essentials and leave a bit to the imagination - my daughter may not want "sensible" clothes but she'll be wearing them for a few years yet.

I don't know, budgie smugglers were very on trend once upon a time and they didn't leave much to the imagination. When one of them men wore them on I'm a Celebrity last year GS and his mates thought they were hilarious and were daring each other to buy some for their end of A levels holiday. I don't think any of them did.

Her essentials are covered, do you think the OP would let her go out with a bare backside. There's a difference between not sensible and your essentials not being covered.

I think the same. I was a really skinny teen but did not have the confidence to wear shorts / sleeveless tops as I wasn't "model" skinny and was very pale. Nowadays teens of all sizes seem confident and comfortable in shorts and crop tops.

It's not the same though, is it? Every time I go out I see far more than I want to of young girls anatomy (no, I'm not looking but it can be hard to miss!). The same can't be said of young boys. Don't think I've ever seen a young lad's genitals visible in shorts unless we're talking about swimming trunks/sports wear.

Letting your 13 y/o go out with her bum cheeks hanging out is crap parenting, it doesn’t matter if it’s the fashion or not.

Perhaps teach your child not to copy what everyone else is doing and to have her own opinion.

Then you won’t have to worry about saying no to her if the next fashion statement is going out in just a thong.

Hot day here at the seaside and I see all sorts male and female. Some local shops/restaurants/pubs have signs up now as honestly the sight of topless 60 year old men and similar aged women wearing very little isn't very pleasant. Much less of an issue with 13 year olds.

topless 60 year old men and similar aged women wearing very little isn't very pleasant. Much less of an issue with 13 year olds.

I disagree. The 13 year olds are far more vulnerable to sexualisation and exploitation so it's a much worse choice for them.

Her essentials are covered, do you think the OP would let her go out with a bare backside. There's a difference between not sensible and your essentials not being covered.

Covered barely, arse cheeks showing and a camel toe isn’t, in my mind, the essentials covered given the OPs description. The backside might as well be bare if the fabric covering it is so minimal as to show everything outlined.

No way, at 13 her brain isn't fully developed enough to understand the risks that you do. That's why we have parents, to keep children safe before adulthood. Don't be bullied into letting her put herself in harms way for nothing more than self expression.

Yes but you're talking about beachwear here spilling over in to the local businesses. I live in the middle of the UK, no beaches for miles. The men and boys are covered and the girls are not. I don't particularly care what people wear but I find it sad that very young girls feel they have to reveal such intimate parts of their bodies, whilst boys don't.

Try working in a school.

The amount of labias I’ve seen (actual Fanny lips and not just underwear) is scary.

I’ve lost count of the number of times girls have been distraught because people have made fun of their pubes poking through their underwear or they’re wearing the wrong type of underwear or they’ve had discharge/period blood on their underwear and get laughed at for it.

Its so sad that these girls think that the only way to get attention is by having their skirts so short that they flash the boys anytime they walk past.

What’s ironic is that the girls who wear longer skirt or trousers actually seem to get more attention from the boys.
Which maybe a coincidence or it maybe that the boys just don’t find it attractive.

And it’s not usually crap parenting as most of them pull their skirts up as soon as they leave their parents.

Exactly this 👏👏

There’s a reason why 13 y/os can’t vote or drive a car.

They’re not emotionally mature enough to always make the right decisions.

Yes, if a man is sexually attracted to a teen he’s going to be attracted to them regardless of what they wear but wearing certain clothes can make them seem much more approachable and vulnerable, so they become more of a target.

Sd once was going to wear a thong bikini in front of her dad, at 13. I'm not ashamed to say I stepped in when I saw her and told her to get it off before her dad saw. She is a child !

I don't particularly care what people wear but I find it sad that very young girls feel they have to reveal such intimate parts of their bodies, whilst boys don't.

And also that they don’t have parents who will guide and set boundaries about what they wear, while they learn they don’t need to reveal so much of themselves.

In theory: isn't it lovely, let the girls wear absolutely nothing outside, if anyone says anything to make them feel uncomfortable then that's because that other person is awful.

In practice: girl wears whatever she wants in public, men make lecherous comments (at best), she feels horrible and those comments are now burned in her brain forever.

The worst bit though, is that those assholes will make comments to 13 yr olds no matter what they wear, because they are disgusting old bastards who only get emboldened with age, it seems. They've learned no one will confront them and that there are no repercussions.

As you can see, I'm going nowhere with this. I'd personally not want my 13 yr old wearing those things, either. I do know I work with 11-12 yr olds and it does seem like a popular type of short now. I try not to pay much attention to them tbh.

Maybe allow her the length but revisit the fit with her? They do sound as if they might be a size too small?

This is one of those threads where the poll doesn't match the most vocalised opinions on the thread

@Iwasafool by “sensible” clothes I meant stuff that doesn’t look like underwear. My 15 would go crazy with £50 in Primark but would come out with trackie bottoms, tshirts and jeans (and probably a bunch of novelty jewellery).
She is currently wearing a novelty tshirt that’s a picture that’s a play on a horror film. Not to my taste personally but it’s a tshirt that covers her body.

“My 15 year old” I meant to say.

“It feels like I’m wearing nothing at all”
”Stupid sexy Flanders”
Now imagine that with a 13 year old girl. Cos that’s what those shorts are.

That's the point of wearing them, to drawn attention to yourself. Dressing modestly or otherwise is a choice.

That's the point of wearing them, to drawn attention to yourself. Dressing modestly or otherwise is a choice.

Dressing otherwise to the point where your bits are on display is a sexualised choice though, and therefore not an appropriate one for under-age children to make.

Bang on point. This is why parents need to actually parent and say a hard no.