AIBU about DD's gym knicker "shorts"?

[RiderGirl]

DD is just turned 13 and has taken to wearing "shorts" that I can only describe as looking like 1980's gym knickers in length, the literally sit in the crease of her buttocks. AIBU in saying that she isn't allowed to step outside the house wearing them? We keep falling out about it but I think they're wildly inappropriate!! To make it worse she wears them with a large t shirt and it just looks like she's in a t shirt and pants 🙈

I think maybe past 16 you have to let them make their own fashion mistakes and only offer an opinion if asked. Before that, parents have a definite responsibility to ensure they’re not sexualised at too young an age.

You'd think that the manufacturers would add some extra material to the crotch/gusset to prevent such obvious camel toe, wouldn't you?

Unless showing off the outline of your vulva, along with your arse cheeks, is the whole idea, of course...

😮

My DD is 15 and has gone to town today in a similar outfit to the picture.

The shorts are still short and the top is tight and there’s lots of skin on show but it’s more appropriate because it doesn’t show her bum cheeks or the contours of her vulva.

She picked it out herself but if she had chose something less appropriate I’d tell her so because that’s part of being a parent.

@Jellycatspyjamas , Some of the shorts I've seen were much more revealing than bikini bottoms. I've seen bikini bottoms that have fully covered a bum and you can't see outline of a vagina.
I think you are mixing up the vagina with the vulva. The vagina is internal and you can't see the outline when naked, only the opening.
Female anatomy: Vulva, vagina, and breasts explained — Flo

itsnotrightbutitsok that looks fine to me, its like you say, not at all frumpy but not all on show.

itsnotrightbutitsok that looks fine to me, its like you say, not at all frumpy but not all on show.

@KirstenBlest i think you’re mixing me up with someone else, I’m quite clear on female biology and haven’t referred to anyone showing their vagina, the post you’ve quoted was in reply to mine. Thanks for the unnecessary lesson.

If quite a few of the women down my gym wearing 'skins' are anything to go by having your vacuum sealed vulva on show is very much part of the 'look'.

I know someone who is over 60 and wears hot pants so short the bottom of her arse cheeks on are show (with a tight top as well) Her parents don't say anything but I bloody wish they would! Ha ha! It’s not a good look for anyone imo like I say, nobody wants to have to see other people’s private parts outside of expected environments.

Lot of talk about not policing women’s clothes because men cannot control themselves, I agree with this however, if you wear overtly sexual clothes that show off your genitals and half your backside, you have to accept you are sending out a sexual message . Male self control aside, does your daughter want to be sending out this message, she may not see it as doing so but others will. I can understand you being unhappy with this as right or wrong ,men ( especially of certain cultures) will see this as an invite, if not to sexual behaviour but to insults. A grown woman may be able to hold her own, but a 13 year old?

I find it depressing that young women think that their only worth is in displaying their genitals. Grim that thats where we are still.

Our DD's school recently brought in "skorts" for PE - a short skirt with a pair of these tiny "shorts" sewn in underneath. The girls wear them pulled up so high, that on the way to school some days I see more of some of the girls' arse cheeks than you would if they were in a bikini at the beach! Luckily (for me), I've taken the piss out of them so often as we drive past them, that our DDs are well aware that showing their bums in public is not something we will allow and so they wouldn't even attempt to purchase this type of shorts. I agree that 13 is far too young to be showing off so much of her body and as her parent, it's up to you to ensure she's dressed appropriately.

@Itsnotrightbutitsok
Nope not a crap parent at all. That's what they all wear, it's what is deemed fashionable. I had some pretty questionable fashion choices at a similar age.
She's a well brought up girl. Works very hard, zero interest in drinking, smoking or vaping which is pretty common among her year group.
If a skimpy outfit is the worst thing, then that's fine with me.
Try putting "Scottish uniform" into TikTok for some proper pearl clutching fodder.

I should have directed it @Mooshamoo , not you, but it's quite obvious that there are people on here who do not understand the difference between vagina and vulva.

Thing is, if these girls have their butt checks and camel toes showing they are pulling up, and rolling up, what are pretty standard gym wear shorts.

They see on-line gym girls doing this and emulate, not realizing that gym girls are doing it to lift, not to look cool.

DD20 (and many other women) get a lot of shaming for wearing gym wear, even in the gym. It's disgraceful and unacceptable. Perhaps we need to make it more mainstream, rather than cover up with shame. However, in a 13 year old, we agree, it's a risk. But what a society we live in, that it should be so.

YANBU. I see so many teenagers wearing this type of thing and they look like little trollops to be honest.

If you really want her to stop, tell her you love them and wear the same thing... she'll be mortified

Times have changed, butt cheeks are acceptable. I went swimming and a bunch of tweens came strolling out of the changing room in thong bikinis! I felt like a shocked old lady.

I don’t know what the answer is but I agree it’s weird and uncomfortable.

We have a rule in our house that shorts and skirts are acceptable as long as buttchecks are fully covered but my DD finds is appalling and doesn’t understand why anyone would walk around with their bum on show or worse!
When she is older we obviously won’t have any say on what she chooses to wear but she is 12 and it’s our job to guide her to understand what is and isn’t appropriate no matter what the current trend is.

So we see, it's not the male gaze that's policing women's choices is it...

But they don't stop. They are disgusting and will happily perv on teenage girls. I never wore anything like this as a teen and neither did my friends, it's not inevitable and essential.

You know I think so much of this is about body positivity. When I was a teen and in my early twenties I was a size 8 but always felt fat and felt too fat to wear anything too revealing. Nowadays I see quite overweight teenage girls walking round in crop tops and little shorts

Well regardless of the age of the person wearing them they are pretty hideous. If my daughter wanted to wear them I would certainly be having my say.

Hopefully it will be a fashion that is short lived, like many other hideous fashion choices there has been over the years.

How many 13 year olds want sensible clothes. What do you think she should be buying, twinset and pearls might be nice.

Of course you aren't being unreasonable...can't beleive some of these comments, people are such sheep nowadays and tread on eggshells way too much around their kids.

She is only 13, not 18, or even 16! She is a child.You are the parent, so are allowed to set boundaries.

They are gym wear....to be worn in a gym.

There is far too much public flesh baring by kids nowadays, hotpants, crop tops....totally inappropriate at such a young age.