AIBU about DD's gym knicker "shorts"?

[RiderGirl]

DD is just turned 13 and has taken to wearing "shorts" that I can only describe as looking like 1980's gym knickers in length, the literally sit in the crease of her buttocks. AIBU in saying that she isn't allowed to step outside the house wearing them? We keep falling out about it but I think they're wildly inappropriate!! To make it worse she wears them with a large t shirt and it just looks like she's in a t shirt and pants 🙈

I think if a man walked down the street in hotpants showing his full bulge and his ass cheeks, he would be arrested.

So why do women get away with it. Why do we have to see ass cheeks and vaginas. I don't want to see them.

I am all for my own DC having freedom for the most part when it comes to choosing clothing (much younger admittedly and has additional needs, so not the same), but not a fucking chance would I provide shorts like that or the money for them. I think they are inappropriate. But there is always going to be a divide on this. I just know I personally couldn't allow my child to wander round in something similar.

Hate that look/style. Thankfully so does my DD. I have had to point out the "it looks like youre only wearing a (massive) hoodie" situation too though....she hadn't thought about it and was able to go oh right and was pleased I'd said ..It's one of those choose your battles situations, isn't it?

A 13 y/o is not emotionally mature/intelligent enough to understand the implications of wearing something so revealing.

So as her parent it’s your responsibility to explain it to her and be a parent and tell her no.

There is no way I would have let my 13 y/o out with her bum cheeks showing because she’s only 13 and I’m not a crap parent.

I recently saw some 13 year olds wear these. You could see a lot of ass cheek. I don't how parents let them out wearing that.

Then I saw another 13 year old girl dressed in a blouse and jeans. She looked so appropriate for her age. And she was still dressed nicely.

I definitely thought that she must have better parents.

I don't think objecting is anything to do with being old and out of touch. It's objectifying, women and girls are expected to expose themselves for the male gaze in the name of fashion while men and boys get to be properly covered.

As a parent, no, you shouldn't be letting a thirteen year old child leave the house with the shape of her genitals clearly visible. She doesn't have the life experience to know the exact implications of that but you do.

Thank god my Dd only wears Nike pros for gym and dance and even then will only wear the 7" leg ones not the 3 or 5" ones... i agree if men wore shorts like this there would be far more adverse comment and less 'his body his choice' if all the outlines of his genitals were on show.

I've seen young women wear these hotpant shorts at their places of work. It's bizarre.

If a man came in to work wearing hotpants , showing his bulge, it would not be allowed.

I feel like the young women are not told they can't wear them, because the older male bosses like seeing the young girls wear them.

In the last workplace I was in (summer camp) all the young women were wearing them. I think the older male bosses probably enjoy it. None of the young men were wearing hotpants.

If a young man wore hotpants to work, there would be outroar. If a young woman wears hotpants to work, it's accepted.

What does that say about society

There's a very big difference between these two things.

What is the difference?

Both would show outline of genitals

But the point people were making was that it was inappropriate for a teenager to be wearing those shorts because they show a lot of flesh and men would leer at her. Whether the clothing is 'functional' or not has nothing to do with that - they will leer at her and sexualise her regardless of whether she is in the park with her mates in shorts or on the beach with her family in a swimsuit. The end result is the same.

Also, a pair of gym shorts seems perfectly functional to me for most summer activities. Stretchy, comfortable, easy to move in, non-chafing, easy to pull on and off for the loo.

When people talk about what is 'appropriate' they are judging by what was considered normal for their generation. But the notion of 'appropriate' changes all the time. At one time it would have considered inappropriate and indecent for women to wear trousers. When I was a child, there were parents who refused to let their daughters wear leggings when they first became fashionable, but now they're ubiquitous and nobody bats an eyelid.

Like I said in my original post - to me, those shorts are a shocker. But I accept that things are changing and just because something's a shocker for me, that doesn't mean the benchmark is fixed forever at what was 'appropriate' when I was younger.

I think if a man walked down the street in hotpants showing his full bulge and his ass cheeks, he would be arrested

He wouldn't be arrested because he'd have done nothing illegal. Walking down the street in your pants or Speedos isn't a criminal offence.

Some of the shorts I've seen were much more revealing than bikini bottoms. I've seen bikini bottoms that have fully covered a bum and you can't see outline of a vagina.

With these shorts you can clearly see the bottom half of the ass cheek and the full outline of the vagina. They are a clingy skintight material.

It's part of a bigger problem. Women are not held accountable to any decency laws when walking down the street. Men are more held accountable for decency

Yes it is.
It could be reported as public indecency, if he was wearing skintight hotpants, and he had the full outline of his penis on show.

Please tell me you're being sarcastic

Not in the ones I was behind last week. Half her arse was showing.

Part of me thinks you go girl! The other half shakes my head in despair.

Yeah combats so low you could see your bum crack and pubic bone and a bright coloured strip thong slung out above it... ! The Nike Pros are less dubious tbh, at least they look like sportswear

I don't get it. If you don't want her wearing them then don't buy them.

On that basis half the participants of Pride would be arrested.

My mother wouldn't let me dress like this and not all 13 yos do, you will notice there are plenty of girls who save this sort of fashion for the beach/at home/as pyjamas at summer sleepovers.

I think if a man was walking around a shopping centre in just budgie smugglers he would certainly attract the attention of security and I’m sure he would be asked to leave. It’s not illegal but it’s not accepted in that environment. No one wants to see other people’s genital outline when they’re not expecting it eg outside of a swimming pool or similar.
They are ok for sport/gym but I wouldn’t be happy about my daughter wearing them or my son wearing the equivalent (eg cycling shorts with outline of genitals) when not exercising. I’m honestly not at all prudish but there are different expectations for different activities. We wear clothes to cover our private parts and they’re called private parts for a reason!

Pride is a different environment with different expectations. Context really matters here.

Oh god. Camel toe is not cute.

I would leave her be at the moment, obviously it's not a good look but sometimes it's better to learn these things on your own.

I've made some very questionable outfit choices in my younger years 👀

When people talk about what is 'appropriate' they are judging by what was considered normal for their generation.

No, when I talk about appropriate I mean not showing your arse and the outline of your vulva. Nothing to do with what was normal for my generation - each generation has its own version of clothes that are too revealing, which act to sexualise young girls at an age where they don’t understand the impact of that.

I wouldn’t let my 12 year old wear combats that showed the top of her arse crackers, crop tops that show her under boob, leggings that effectively frame her arse checks, or indeed short hot pants. It’s not appropriate because she doesn’t have the capacity or social skills to fend off men and boys who would sexualise her choice of clothes, and nor should she have to deal with that at 12, 13, 14. She will learn as she grows but part of being a parent is setting safe boundaries, until she is able to set those boundaries for herself.

No harm will come from her having her choices in fashion moderated a bit while she’s young.

I don't like seeing young kids dressed for the male gaze. If your a older teen that's your choice. My disabled son had a 18 year old personal assistant who turned up for work one day in bikini top! I felt extremely uncomfortable having her working for me and thinking that was a good choice of clothing for a carer. My opinion of her went in the bin that day. Dh said shortly after he wanted to get rid of her and I was relieved he agreed. Just screamed vacuous bimbo who cared more about being sexaul than working as she was constantly rearranging her ginormous boobs into her tiny bakini. All for the benefit of my then 16 year old son I fear 🤮🤮.