AIBU about DD's gym knicker "shorts"?

[RiderGirl]

DD is just turned 13 and has taken to wearing "shorts" that I can only describe as looking like 1980's gym knickers in length, the literally sit in the crease of her buttocks. AIBU in saying that she isn't allowed to step outside the house wearing them? We keep falling out about it but I think they're wildly inappropriate!! To make it worse she wears them with a large t shirt and it just looks like she's in a t shirt and pants 🙈

@Mooshamoo she's my sister, not my daughter. My daughter is 12 weeks old.

Totally agree with the difference between men and women’s dress choices. In the gym today I noted that plenty of women and girls were wearing those shorts along with bra tops, yet the men/boys were wearing long shorts and the vast majority had t-shirts with sleeves (not tank tops). Several men in fact had on cycling shorts or even leggings under their ordinary (just above the knee length) shorts presumably to prevent an inadvertent flash up the shorts’ leg in some positions?
I find these shorts distracting and don’t know where to look and I’m a heterosexual woman. One of the trainers at my gym says that its very uncomfortable as a male trainer to work with a woman wearing that stuff as when they’re looking at the client’s form they see so much more than they want to see and feel like they’re ogling the client when they’re just trying to do their job. He said the male trainers are all worried about being accused of letching and so are constantly averting their eyes but in my gym it must be hard cos they’re everywhere!

YANBU

Err, Nike make the same type/style of shorts for both male and female.

Boys and men don't tend to consider them to be outer wear for their sports, though, let alone suitable non-sport outerwear.

🤮

Get ready for her to start changing after she’s left the house.

It's not fashion. No matter how many times some posters repeat that.
It's an act of attention seeking. At 13 a girl will barely understand what kind of attention she might find...

I wasn't protected (by my parents) from my clothing choices at all. I'm quite a bit traumatised as to how I see men after my experiences between 10-15.
I also thought that my early teens of constant hassling & predatory behaviours by men (not boys) were universal. After talking to other women over the years - it seems I was the preferred target by a mile. That's strange to think of, as my "point of view" movie of the 12 year old me walking about my daily life makes me shudder even now. I can't unsee and I can't unhear it all.

I really don't think I could tolerate the idea of my daughter forming the world view the way I did.

I went to Athens in June for a holiday and we visited a marina in Piraeus. It was a school night but the marina was packed with young people hanging around - school age - chatting, playing cards, football, dancing etc. The boys were all wearing proper linen shorts ie no sweat pants/tracksuit bottoms (probably because it’s too hot) and black designer t shirts. The girls were wearing denim shorts, vest tops or t shirts. Not a single Greek girl was wearing the Nike shorts. They all looked fabulous, fashionable and comfortable. Even my 18 year old son commented on how the boys and girls looked. It was lovely to see but made me realise how we in the U.K. are so influenced by the USA, celebs, influencers etc.

What's wrong with being "influenced" by the celebs and countries of our choosing?

I don’t think girls of 12, 13 and 14 are choosing to be influenced by celebrities - they’re being influenced by social media and Tik Tok, by empty nonsense. It’s a fallacy to think we choose, rather than having influences foisted on us by publicists and the media.

So many young teenagers where I live seem to only ever wear crop tops and Nike Pro shorts. It's very inappropriate, imo.

Side note: I've always loathed athletic wear, but this is next level. Doesn't help that I hate the influencer 'aesthetic'. It's a terrible combination.

Not a cats chance in hell that my daughter is setting foot out of the house in those or anything similar. Privates are supposed to be private and the vast majority of people do jot want to see other peoples labia or ass crack silhouette. Yes women should be able to wear what they want but the bottom line is that they cannot do so or wear stuff like this without drawing unwanted attention. Young girls do not need to be wearing overly sexualised outfits like this just because some fashion i industry twat has decided it is fashion.

Agree with all of this.

And frankly, what sort of person would WANT to wear such a garment. Think about it. So much for any class, dignity or couth.

Sometimes it really feels we are in a race to the bottom.

It's the same as what it would have been 5-10 years ago.... I remember girls rolling up skirts at school, a decade before the first iPhone, who was to blame them? Girls wanting sexual attention.

There’s a difference between rolling your skirt up a bit and walking around with your arse and vulva outlined in Lycra aged 12. As trends become more visible to an ever younger audience through social media and parents take the “just following fashion” position, we expose young girls to sexual attention they don’t have the understanding or skill to deal with.

I rolled my skirt up in high school, I would have been 15/16, not 12, and while I wasn’t the most street wise I could fend off unwanted attention if need be. My 12 year old isn’t remotely there yet - there’s a lot of maturing that happens in early teen years and it’s unfair to let her put herself into a position she’s not equipped for. And no, I don’t think you can teach or train a 12 year old to understand the impact of early sexualisation or expect them to fend off the inevitable male gaze.

Funny how we can recognise the harmful influence of easily accessible pornography on boys sexual developmental but don’t want to acknowledge our girls are being equally influenced to accept early sexualisation and objectification at a rate previously unforeseen and at a much earlier age.

I’m not my daughters friend, I’m her parent - saying “no”, setting boundaries and protecting her from situations she’s not equipped for is part of the job.