To get rid of men from my life altogether

[montecarlo7]

I know this sounds a bit barmy but I've been doing a lot of reflecting recently and I realised that men have overwhelmingly brought negative things into my life.

I made a list of the male friends and relationships I've had in the past and I realised there were only 5 who were good men who brought something positive and there were many who harmed me. I'm almost 40 and single.

I've been raped in what I thought were safe relationships. I've been sexually assaulted on multiple occasions, both by strangers and male friends. I've been harassed and catcalled a lot. Two male friends (both partnered) I made in the last few years ended up sexually harassing me. Not the first (or second) time either. My (male) neighbour in my last home harassed me to the point I had to go to the police.

I've had partnered and married men make passes at me over and over to the point that I don't make friends with couples anymore.

The men I've hired in a business or work context have not brought much positive either.

I do have one close male friend who I trust. But I'm thinking that I'm going to have a policy of no more male friends and stop looking for relationships...I'm going to be single and accept it.

At one point I thought this has to be my fault that the men that show up in my world are not that great. But now I'm getting to age 40 I'm starting to reconsider that it's actually them.

I plan to put my energy into female friendships only. I'm in a very female centred line of work and only work with women which is nice. I stopped hiring men for other jobs e.g. around the house if I can work with a woman instead.

I gave up a hobby I had that brings me into contact with a lot of men.

I know women are not all perfect either, but here's the thing. I've never been assaulted, sexually harmed, harassed, catcalled, verbally abused, or had an unwanted pass made at me by a woman.

It's clear that some men are unsafe to be around and that's reason enough to avoid the whole lot of them.

What do you think?

I've always had a general dislike of most men, after being physically and verbally abused by strange men I didn't know, sexually assaulted, seen as a sexual object from the age of 11 (sexual comments made to me for years by men in the street), been laughed at by men, mocked, etc. I love, LOVE, being older now and therefore invisible to them, I don't 'hate' them but apart from the ones in my life I love and trust having known them for decades I am very wary of them in general. If my husband ever leaves me I will never date, ever. I'll maybe get a dog, definately a few more cats. Cats are way better, dogs are loyal.

@Farmageddon no l know! He’d just identified a ‘creepy yoga man’ as a thing. And didn’t want to be that person!

It is shocking how much your post will resonate with so many women, including me. I do have a lovely husband who is truly a good man and I also had an amazing father... but I doubt if I will enter a new relationship if anything happens to my DH. My widowed mother feels similar. There are just so many awful, dangerous even, men out there and I just wouldn't have the energy to try and find the good ones.

Does having a son make you more tolerant of men's BS?

I noticed in the work place that women who had big burly husbands or boyfriends or were highly thought of by management were left well alone . These abusive men are just cowards and bullies.

I have a wonderful DS who has been raised by myself and to be respectful of women at all costs.

I have just found out that he has been cheating on his lovely pregnant girlfriend, needless to say I have lost all faith in men. The one person who I thought would never do this has just let me and his girlfriend down, unbelievable.

I'm not anti-man. I happen to be married to one of the good ones and have the joy of having many lovely men in my life. However, it is undeniable that women suffer disproportionately at the hands of men.

Despite growing up in a loving family, I still fell victim to DA. I stayed single for many years afterwards and read a lot about DA. It allowed me to reset my views and identify men to avoid. Including those who on the surface seemed lovely and had no 'issues' with women (e.g. happily work for a female boss) but still harboured sexist views at heart (e.g. happy to leave all the mental load to their partners).

I'd recommend every woman stay single until she's gone through a similar process tbh.

The fact that you think rape and abuse is comparable to being dumped, just shows what a misogynistic idiot you are. WOMEN DO NOT OWE YOU THEIR ATTENTION.

We're allowed to have not enjoyed years of negative experiences with men. We're allowed to not really want to deal with them. You do realise that trotting out the "yOu'Re alL So BiGotEd!" line doesn't work?

you don't want to live in a society where people (aka women) feel it is ok to do this? That's the essence of your argument: "How dare they not want to interact with men in spite of the fact that we are the ones who are proven to be overwhelmingly more likely to rape, kill and harm them."

It's truly revealing to see in black and white, on a forum, how threatening to the male ego boundaries set by women are.

Not all women set these boundaries, but those who do can be scolded, nay shamed, for setting them.

Not all women have reasons to set these boundaries, but if they do, goodness me, they must be shamed and scolded for daring to speak of those boundaries, and the reasons they set them.

Shame! Shame! Hang your heads in Shame!!

How dare you exclude the mighty male? Thou shalt rot in hell!!! Oh woe, oh woe......

I hear you op, and I agree. If I was single tomorrow I wouldn’t get involved again.

Yeah note how he gives no fucks about living in a society where rape is common and convictions are minimal. That’s not even worthy of a mention. It’s all about him and what works best for men.

He just wants to live in a world where men can force/guilt/shame women into interacting with them against their will, poor boy 🥺

It's kind of frightening you are so dense you cannot comprehend that rape, constant unwanted aggressive sexual attention, and physical violence is the same as "being dumped". Typical. You're like one of those unhinged incels.

On a forum for women, no less.

Was it Germaine Greer that said the following?

"Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them."

The rhetoric your using, anyone would think this thread is advocating aborting male babies or rounding men up and summarily shooting them.

😂

Horrible bigoted women for wanting to be happily single!! You MUST accept my Godly Penised self!!! How DARE you want to be on your own!! For shame!! FOR SHAME!! (reminds me of the certain males who identify as not-males who get furious about same-sex attracted females who aren't, shock horror, attracted to their male-selves and their magical penises of wonder that they 'just need to try!' to cure them of their same-sex attraction).

It's interesting isn't it? Plus zero empathy for the things that have happened to me at the hands of men.

I thought the same thing...it's the same entitlement as the men who dress up as women and want access to lesbians.

#WGTOW

You are very much not being unreasonable. Sadly, even being at the crone stage myself I’m still having to avoid a neighbour who doesn’t understand how I’m not in thrall to his posh electric car and offers of alcoholic lunches at country pubs.

My female friends and I often discuss setting up a female only age-inclusive commune.

Interesting thread.

In your place I can absolutely see your point.

I do know a substantial number of very good, kind, decent men, including my husband and sons, so am blessed but I know from reading MN that many are not.

I’d very happily join you. I have the same discussion with female friends too.

Even the men that seem to be “good guys” - the lingering hand a bit too low on the back is something even they do.