To get rid of men from my life altogether

[montecarlo7]

I know this sounds a bit barmy but I've been doing a lot of reflecting recently and I realised that men have overwhelmingly brought negative things into my life.

I made a list of the male friends and relationships I've had in the past and I realised there were only 5 who were good men who brought something positive and there were many who harmed me. I'm almost 40 and single.

I've been raped in what I thought were safe relationships. I've been sexually assaulted on multiple occasions, both by strangers and male friends. I've been harassed and catcalled a lot. Two male friends (both partnered) I made in the last few years ended up sexually harassing me. Not the first (or second) time either. My (male) neighbour in my last home harassed me to the point I had to go to the police.

I've had partnered and married men make passes at me over and over to the point that I don't make friends with couples anymore.

The men I've hired in a business or work context have not brought much positive either.

I do have one close male friend who I trust. But I'm thinking that I'm going to have a policy of no more male friends and stop looking for relationships...I'm going to be single and accept it.

At one point I thought this has to be my fault that the men that show up in my world are not that great. But now I'm getting to age 40 I'm starting to reconsider that it's actually them.

I plan to put my energy into female friendships only. I'm in a very female centred line of work and only work with women which is nice. I stopped hiring men for other jobs e.g. around the house if I can work with a woman instead.

I gave up a hobby I had that brings me into contact with a lot of men.

I know women are not all perfect either, but here's the thing. I've never been assaulted, sexually harmed, harassed, catcalled, verbally abused, or had an unwanted pass made at me by a woman.

It's clear that some men are unsafe to be around and that's reason enough to avoid the whole lot of them.

What do you think?

@SatelliteStomper Absolutely it is most amusing actually they just cannot help themselves their entitlement and ignorance is so great they prove out points with every post 😂

Oh look. A dude can't take no for an answer.

I have sons so am not a man hater per se but I do understand where you are coming from.

Relationships and platonic friendships with men have all ended in disaster and the damage was always done by them, not me. (I haven’t ever been harassed by workmen) but seven years ago I decided no more romantic relationships for me and I haven’t regretted it one bit. I’m not angry or bitter but I am a lot more happier.

It's hilarious. Knight900's posts are so completely apposite to the OP's point one could almost think she had created a sock puppet account.

I'm with you OP no more men for me. And your cat is lovely.

I'm going to try to answer in good faith. What happens as a woman is that you experience so many micro-aggressions (never mind the macro) from men throughout your life - in the family, in school, in religious institutions, clubs, sports, any hobby, in the street, in work, in the fucking supermarket, and then very often in relationships even with men who are otherwise lovely - that eventually, at some point, you realise this isn't a handful of individuals, this is a deeply disturbing societal malfunction. For us, not for men. It's quite likely that men are only just beginning to be made aware that we see and acknowledge the micro-aggressions amongst ourselves, because for example social media makes it easier to read about them - to the benefit of women, I might add; another problem for men. And the reaction to that is for men to double down, blame feminism, try whataboutery and other tactics (more micro-agressions frankly) and for loads of women, there's just no will to even try to do anything to understand that behaviour. You knock yourselves out with that.

So if you are getting arsey about a generalisation, that's tough, because what women are experiencing is absolutely across the board, all through their lives, and - as has been mentioned - we acknowledge a very few exceptions, but that doesn't negate the trend. HTH.

Take a look at the 4B movement @montecarlo7 , they are South Korean feminist who have, actually (not like the people here who ”wouldn’t bother with men again if something happens to the current one”) left men behind.

The 4’s stand for: no marrying men, no dating men, no sex with men, no having children.

They are truly inspirational!
I hope something like that will come to western world / our current ’feminism’ start taking more of a this approach.

That doesn't surprise me about South Korea. Covert filming of women and girls in hotels, changing rooms, toilets, public spaces in general, upskirting, on street harassment.....I'm not surprised at all.

😂

Knight900 is not my creation 😄 It looks like he's been banned, according to the email I got from MNHQ when I reported one of his posts. But if you miss his "intellectually rigorous" contributions, you can probably find him (and his kind) over on the Reddit red pill group or some such.

That sounds incredibly violating. Poor South Korean women.

Great post Sbishka.

@Sbishka fantastic post. Almost a shame to have banned @Knight900 so he won't be able to see it.

I'm sure he would have felt you lacked intellectual rigour though.

Thanks (and BeggyMitchell too) - tbh it was just good to get it off my chest, there was no way someone like him was ever going to allow himself to engage with it meaningfully. <shrug>

Was thinking today about a friend who has a long-term partner but they live apart, no children, meet up at weekends, not every weekend, do fun stuff, have sex, and then he goes back to his boring job and she fills her evenings with hobbies and friends. She loves him and he adores her, but she keeps it tight. If I had my time over again I might do something like this. Seems a whole lot easier although it takes more financial resources for them both.

Great post

Well you either accept equality between the sexes of you don’t. Being vehemently anti male - displaying such view points is flagrantly sexist. Just because it suits OP personal view ( shared by many on here ) doesn’t mean this is not sexist

I find it fascinating and a little bit horrifying that you think that we are anywhere near equality between the sexes. Do you truly believe that a couple of laws meaning we can apply for the same jobs as men and that our husbands aren’t allowed to rape us anymore, really mean that men consider women as their equals? Your posts certainly don’t indicate that you think women are equal to you. Perhaps if so many men didn’t think of women as lesser beings, you’d have less women wanting nothing to do with you.

It’s not sexism. It’s self preservation.

Men are awful everywhere, there is no country with nice and good men. Just different kind of awful.

Is Knight900 still posting shit?

"...eventually, at some point, you realise this isn't a handful of individuals, this is a deeply disturbing societal malfunction."

This is a brilliant and insightful post.

I went out for dinner last night with a female friend. I told her the same things we'd talked about in this thread. She said she just hadn't experienced the same things and suggested my appearance had something to do with it. I thought, OK maybe.

But then we talked about other things in our lives and she related some of her experiences with a Latin dance where men and women dance closely and she said multiple times recently she'd been dancing with a man where he had purposefully and persistently rubbed his erection against her and put a thigh forcefully between her legs rubbing her. She said multiple men have done this to her.

I thought it was interesting that she had told me that she just hadn't experienced any of the same kind of behaviour but then went on to tell me about multiple sexual assaults that had happened to her recently. I didn't point this out to her but it did occur to me afterwards. How has she not noticed? I think many women are in denial about what happens to them. I was for years.

I think the male sex drive means they treat us as a collection of body parts.
on average (of course with exceptions), they are lower in empathy than us, which can explain why they also make poor housemates

It seems to me from what you say that you will be content and happy to do so, so go for it.

I hope if you have not gone to the police about the rape and other male abuse you mention, you feel able to.

That's interesting, montecarlo7. She's maybe illustrating perfectly the old "oh you know what guys are like" passivity that were taught young.

The "he only hit you cos he LIKES you" shit that adults tell girls at age 6. The " he only called you a slut because he FANCIES you" shite.

We really do our girls a massive disservice by not allowing them to name unpleasant behaviour by boys truthfully.

We do our boys a massive disservice by not shaming them for this behaviour as it forms.

And yes, I mean shame. We need more shame expressed, to curtail undesirable behaviour young and instill respect and dignity.

Those awful gang rapes of lone young women on holiday - happening over and over again in Spain and Greece. Whole groups of otherwise “normal” young men. Be interested if any of the male apologists on this thread can post even one equivalent instance of a whole group of women trapping and repeatedly violating a young man.

Baldie historically the Church did it. Not advocating a return to those days but it unarguably provided some societal shame protection for women from men’s behaviour which has now absolutely gone.

I've never had experience of religion, coming from an agnostic family, but yes, it seems that historically the "church" (which covers all faiths in my view) provided a set of moral codes to live by. Pity the men in the pulpit lecturing the Great unwashed often fell short of the standards they imposed on others. Still do, actually. Traditional authority figures in general have become obsolete. We don't trust politicians. We don't trust scientists, medics, teachers, the media, lawyers, the police even. A serving police officer who was known to be troubling round women was left to be free to abduct, rape and murder a young woman off the street, in plain sight.

Breathtaking, isn't it?

I can completely relate to the OP's friend not seeming to realise that she'd been sexually assaulted repeatedly.

Some years ago I went to a new hair salon where the hairdresser was male. And I was the only person there. I didn't even think about it tbh, we were just chatting away as you do with hairdressers. He was washing my hair and pressing his erection into the side of my upper arm as he did it. Really pushing on me. I literally have no idea what I thought at the time. I knew he was doing it, but I kind of went into this state where I couldn't tell you what was going through my head. We chatted, he did me a great haircut, he didn't go any further, and I went home and I didn't even mention it to anyone for a YEAR.

I don't understand this at all. I'm pretty forthright as a person, I'm also more than savvy at picking things up in other people. But I couldn't seem to do anything about that situation in real time and I didn't acknowledge it to myself till a year later.

I'd never get rid of men completely, I have some really good male colleagues but at this point I think it could be only that i'm superior to them in terms of time in the job and experience. I enjoy male company, however, romantically I would be very very reluctant to pursue anything as that's where things seem to go wrong becauseI just can't cope with the intense selfishness on their part and the disappointment on my part. However, i'm always on the look out for warning signs in any male nowadays and distance myself generally from them at a personal level