To get rid of men from my life altogether

[montecarlo7]

I know this sounds a bit barmy but I've been doing a lot of reflecting recently and I realised that men have overwhelmingly brought negative things into my life.

I made a list of the male friends and relationships I've had in the past and I realised there were only 5 who were good men who brought something positive and there were many who harmed me. I'm almost 40 and single.

I've been raped in what I thought were safe relationships. I've been sexually assaulted on multiple occasions, both by strangers and male friends. I've been harassed and catcalled a lot. Two male friends (both partnered) I made in the last few years ended up sexually harassing me. Not the first (or second) time either. My (male) neighbour in my last home harassed me to the point I had to go to the police.

I've had partnered and married men make passes at me over and over to the point that I don't make friends with couples anymore.

The men I've hired in a business or work context have not brought much positive either.

I do have one close male friend who I trust. But I'm thinking that I'm going to have a policy of no more male friends and stop looking for relationships...I'm going to be single and accept it.

At one point I thought this has to be my fault that the men that show up in my world are not that great. But now I'm getting to age 40 I'm starting to reconsider that it's actually them.

I plan to put my energy into female friendships only. I'm in a very female centred line of work and only work with women which is nice. I stopped hiring men for other jobs e.g. around the house if I can work with a woman instead.

I gave up a hobby I had that brings me into contact with a lot of men.

I know women are not all perfect either, but here's the thing. I've never been assaulted, sexually harmed, harassed, catcalled, verbally abused, or had an unwanted pass made at me by a woman.

It's clear that some men are unsafe to be around and that's reason enough to avoid the whole lot of them.

What do you think?

What a sad viewpoint you have of the world, Knight.

I'm shaking my head in sorrow at your inability to allow others to voice their feelings and experiences because they don't meet your approval.

It's so sad. Deeply deeply sad. You have my pity, truly. Life must be very difficult for you.

Peace, bro.

This thread has just reminded me of when we were moving house. Just prior to exchanging, we were looking to book a removals firm. I had a couple come round to quote.

One of the blokes made me feel so uncomfortable. The way he spoke and his body language. I asked if he wanted a seat whilst we talked about the prices and he lounged on my sofa like he owned the place. It's hard to describe but he was laying with an arm along the back of the sofa and his body language felt so dominant. It made me feel incredibly uncomfortable particularly as I was there on my own.

He was also extremely put out that I wouldn't shake his hand. I had an injury, which I'd explained, and had a brace on my hand and wrist. But he kept mentioning it and still tried to shake my hand when he left, and made several comments about me not doing so. Getting him out of the house was an ordeal, he didn't seem in any hurry to leave. I'm usually pretty confident and assured but the experience left me feeling quite shaken, and I can't describe why but the whole thing just felt vaguely threatening.

The next guy who came to quote was more expensive but was like my lovely grandad, very friendly bit respectful amd nice and calm. Whizzed about with his clipboard and didn't hang about. He got the job.

If a man I didn't know had had a lot of abusive experiences with women and decided to not deal with women anymore, there's no way I'd accuse him of prejudice and jump up and down telling him his behaviour was toxic. Besides feeling bad for him that it had happened to him, I'd not care; it's his life. I don't know him and it doesn't impact on me.

I think as you say, hearing from women in black and white terms that they are withdrawing altogether from male company, makes men worry that the female company they feel entitled to may be harder to access if other women that they know start thinking like this.

One study ? Really ?

The good men I know understand what women deal with from bad men, because they have listened to us.

The good men I know have chosen, now they have understood our lives, to change their behaviour to avoid inadvertently causing alarm.

The good men I know struggled, at first, to accept the truth because they just didn't see it. They didn't see it because they didn't experience it, in the main. Of course boys are also abused, and even adult men, straight and gay, experience assault. The perpetrators are overwhelmingly male. The statistics show that quite clearly.

Choosing to not enter the tiger cage is an option. It's a choice we are allowed to make.

look I’m totally for people airing their views. What i will not support and will call out is discrimination / sexism - in any form.

what is really sad is by your comment you endorse sexism and discrimination?

what else can one conclude?

I do not want to live in a society where people feel it is ok to do this - I am sure if you properly thought about it - neither would you.

So if you think expressing your view means demonising a large swath of the population you are clearly one bigoted, short sighted individual

I feel like this. Apart from Dh and my lovely son, who l brought up to be respectful and kind. And told him I’d kill him if he ever became a player.

Look how our mighty Lionesses can get to the final. Because they play as a team with no egos in place.

I’m laughing at your huge leap from a woman saying she doesn’t want men in her life any more to your claim of “discrimination” and “where’s the equality?”

You seem very annoyed by one woman’s desire for a peaceful life. Why?

Because many men feel entitled to access women's bodies and company; no matter how they behave, some of them think they're entitled to us as a group. That's why he's threatened.

It was a rhetorical question obv but thanks for spelling it out for the hard-of-thinking men on here.

Yes! This is so true. In my Reformer Pilates class it is usually women, we come and go fairly quietly, no fuss, we might make a bit of small talk at the start of class but most people keep to themselves and don't bother everyone else.
But anytime there is a man in the class he seems to make a big fuss, and there are a few that I actively try to avoid, as they hang around and seem to be trying to chat up the women. It's so off-putting.
Just fuck off, we are here to do pilates, it's not a nightclub FFS.

So a peaceful life means holding discriminatory views ?

Just to help you, the definition of discrimination is;

”1.
the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people, especially on the grounds of ethnicity, age, sex, or disability.
"victims of racial discrimination"

?

Interesting.

My ds 29 wants to do yoga. But he doesn’t want to be the creepy man at the yoga class. So he decided to do something else!

I've come to the conclusion that a lot of men use sexual harassment to put women in their place especially when they know they haven't a cat in hells chance of bedding her or in the workplace to keep them down . Sometimes it can be a deflection- one creep spread rumours that I was easy - it turned out he was shagging a workmate behind his pregnant wife's back .

“Pointless bile”? Extraordinary hyperbole.

The OP is claiming a personal PREFERENCE to keep men out of her life. She’s entitled to do this. Anti-discrimination laws don’t apply here. Do you understand this?

Knight900 are you male by any chance🤔

Of course he is 😂

Ok so if I had been routinely dumped and hurt by lots of women and came on to a public forum saying awful women are etc - I would be ( rightly ) castigated for being a sexist arse.

You either accept equality and not being discriminatory or you don’t. I know many of you on here don’t like that but it is a fact.

Oh boohoo. Women don’t owe men their company and attention, and you can’t force women to give it, no matter how much you would appear to like to.

How often do you go bother the Men Go Their Own Way accounts on Reddit? Let me guess, never?

I really wish the worst thing that men did to me was they "routinely dumped" me.

It's much worse than that.

I am wondering if by any chance this person has been "routinely dumped" because he can't understand that women have the right to their boundaries?

Not read many PPs but think if you had a DS you might be more tolerant.

This is so true . When I was young and slim if I had a laugh and smiled at men I was a flirt . Now I'm older grey and fat , men see me as a bubbly character!

I'm not saying men shouldn't go to these classes, not at all!

I just mean there are some men who seem to go there as a place to meet women, or overstep boundaries, when most of us just want to do the class and then leave.

There are a few men who come in, do the class just like the rest of us and don't make a fuss, and it's fine.