To get rid of men from my life altogether

[montecarlo7]

I know this sounds a bit barmy but I've been doing a lot of reflecting recently and I realised that men have overwhelmingly brought negative things into my life.

I made a list of the male friends and relationships I've had in the past and I realised there were only 5 who were good men who brought something positive and there were many who harmed me. I'm almost 40 and single.

I've been raped in what I thought were safe relationships. I've been sexually assaulted on multiple occasions, both by strangers and male friends. I've been harassed and catcalled a lot. Two male friends (both partnered) I made in the last few years ended up sexually harassing me. Not the first (or second) time either. My (male) neighbour in my last home harassed me to the point I had to go to the police.

I've had partnered and married men make passes at me over and over to the point that I don't make friends with couples anymore.

The men I've hired in a business or work context have not brought much positive either.

I do have one close male friend who I trust. But I'm thinking that I'm going to have a policy of no more male friends and stop looking for relationships...I'm going to be single and accept it.

At one point I thought this has to be my fault that the men that show up in my world are not that great. But now I'm getting to age 40 I'm starting to reconsider that it's actually them.

I plan to put my energy into female friendships only. I'm in a very female centred line of work and only work with women which is nice. I stopped hiring men for other jobs e.g. around the house if I can work with a woman instead.

I gave up a hobby I had that brings me into contact with a lot of men.

I know women are not all perfect either, but here's the thing. I've never been assaulted, sexually harmed, harassed, catcalled, verbally abused, or had an unwanted pass made at me by a woman.

It's clear that some men are unsafe to be around and that's reason enough to avoid the whole lot of them.

What do you think?

You sound lovely ☺️

Thank you @Knight900 ♥️

Cats are awesome 😻

I have a male cat called Monte. He is the best...loves to cuddle...if I talk to him, he chats back in these little squawks. Great company.

For the last few years I've been part of a hobby group that has loads of men (a dance where the men dance with women). Having been to a girls school I'd never spent time around large groups of men before. I was surprised to find that they were bitchy and gossipy as hell.

The hobby group revolved around learning this dance and man did they spend a lot of time bitching about other mens' less than stellar skills. (I didn't see this so much among the women.) The men who were very skilled bitched and so did the men without skills. The bitching seemed to be about hierarchy and where they would be placed in that hierarchy to be able to secure dances with women.

So in my experience, the assertion men are less bitchy is inaccurate. If it's about their access to women and their competition for it, they can be bitchy as hell. Interestingly I didn't see as much bitchiness among men who were coupled up outside of this hobby group (many members of our group were single.)

I read an interesting article yesterday in the New Scientist about the origins of sexism.

https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg23831740-400-the-origins-of-sexism-how-men-came-to-rule-12000-years-ago/

It's an eye opening article.

I'm sharing it because it says the biggest threat to the patriarchy is women communicating and banding together, and treating each other like sisters. It benefits men most in terms of keeping the status quo when we're isolated and not cooperating with one another.

I think that's one of the reasons why the male posters on this thread are so threatened. We women coming together to share our experiences threatens the status quo which they benefit from.

Good one.

We don't hate men. We just think that many of them need to do much, much better

Yep. This sums it up.

😂

I love being a cat lady.

I've noticed that you can easily tell who the men are on these threads because they don't use proper grammar, formatting and/or punctuation. 😁

Thank you all for such a great thread. I've been heartened to see that it isn't just me who feels this way... makes me feel less alone and more sure of my choice.

To be fair men in dance groups aren't usually manly men.

Knight900 is the resident mens' rights activist who is on here because he has a chip on his shoulder about women and what he feels they should be providing for him.

My best guess is he's been "routinely dumped" (as he put it) throughout his adult life because he doesn't respect women's boundaries and he doesn't listen to their experiences. He doesn't take any responsibility for his part in this dynamic, and instead comes online to spaces such as these to whine about how evil women are, and tell them they're being unreasonable for wanting to protect themselves from abuse and bad behaviour.

He's deeply triggered and threatened by women deciding that they deserve better.

Are they implying these guys are gay?

*Are you implying these guys are gay?

So far in my 29 years on this planet I have been:

Psychologically damaged by my fathers poor parenting choices, emotionally abused and controlled by a partner, sexually harassed by groups of men in the workplace (construction) to the point where I had a dildo shoved in my face in the lunch room and told to show them what I can do, raped by my male best friend at the time, sexually assaulted by a man in his late thirties when I was 14, catcalled and verbally harassed by men on the street, harassed in a shop and then abused when I didn’t willingly provide my number to a strange and unhinged man, verbally abused and threatened when I exercised my right to end a relationship, been called ugly when I declined a date with a stranger, had my ass groped by a senior manager at a Christmas party.

This is a list I have created in under three minutes, I am sure I could give many more examples.

Currently I am in a relationship where all of the domestic slack is falling on me. Bills, childcare arrangements, school arrangements, appointments, household maintenance, shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, planning and diary management, budgeting. I am worn down and planning to leave and never live with another man again.

My friend has a wonderful partner who is a man. Genuinely, he makes me feel better about the world because he is so respectful and understands these types of conversations and why women feel the way we do. However, in order to find him she dated many, many men with pathetic and fragile egos who left lasting damage on her. I cannot go through that when I have two children to consider, so I will be creating a life where I am happily single and without the added work, abuse and trauma that a man brings to my life.

Disclaimer - the dildo at the lunch table was not mine. It was one of the ground workers who found it hilarious to bring a dildo to work and throw it around like they’d never seen one before. Absolute bunch of knuckle dragging Neanderthals.

@Geminiii - Ugh. I'm really sorry you went through all of that 💐

@Knight900

You sound, forgive me for saying this, a bit intellectually stunted. Very stupid comments.

And you sound, forgive me for saying this, like Donald Trump.

Every time anyone posts here with a view you disagree with, pull them up on “intellectual rigour” and tell them they are thick.

It’s a pretty reliable gauge of intellect that someone who responds to every argument by saying: “you’re a bit thick” is probably not overflowing with rhetorical skill.

I don't need to justify myself to you. I don't need to apply "intellectual rigour" - it's a chat forum, not a viva defence. Feel free to Google. There are plenty of articles and studies covering the subjects I've mentioned.

When debating, I was taught that if your opponent resorts to personal attacks, it's a good indicator that they are struggling to defend their argument.

@Knight900

Your responses, full of an over inflated sense of superiority and arrogance, on here really goes towards proving many of the points being voiced by posters.

Women are allowed to make a personal choice not to engage with men if they so wish. We are also allowed to set boundaries and voice the experiences that have led us to make those choices. Nobody needs to justify those choices to you. If you are personally offended by women making that choice then perhaps you should conduct a bit of self reflection to figure out why you are so butt hurt by it.

All you are doing here is making yourself look like the type of man most posters are talking about and would prefer to avoid being around. Your go to repetitive response - ‘lack of intellectual rigour’ - is typical of many men that are unable to think beyond their own ego. Your posts are bordering on comical now, they are that pathetic. The more you post, the more of a total dickhead you sound.

It's not a debate though, is it? Women are sharing their experiences and the life choices they choose to make as a result of those experiences.

It's not open to debate.

Unless a poster recognises the abusive behaviour as something they themselves have indulged in, there's no reason for them to take a woman's experiences personally.

So why are they?

I do have to say that this post has really emphasised how little I want to sift through guys like the fella posting to find another good 'un if I find myself without DH..... if ever I waver, I shall read this thread and all will be clear!

Very good point. The memory was from when I used to debate, so it's an association rather than a direct read-across. I think the point stands though; if you can't counter someone with whom you disagree without resorting to personal attacks, then you need to re-evaluate the strength of your beliefs.

Give it up. You're simply proving our point with every single one of your posts.

Your hurty feelz are showing and, guess what? Women don't have to give a toss.