To get rid of men from my life altogether

[montecarlo7]

I know this sounds a bit barmy but I've been doing a lot of reflecting recently and I realised that men have overwhelmingly brought negative things into my life.

I made a list of the male friends and relationships I've had in the past and I realised there were only 5 who were good men who brought something positive and there were many who harmed me. I'm almost 40 and single.

I've been raped in what I thought were safe relationships. I've been sexually assaulted on multiple occasions, both by strangers and male friends. I've been harassed and catcalled a lot. Two male friends (both partnered) I made in the last few years ended up sexually harassing me. Not the first (or second) time either. My (male) neighbour in my last home harassed me to the point I had to go to the police.

I've had partnered and married men make passes at me over and over to the point that I don't make friends with couples anymore.

The men I've hired in a business or work context have not brought much positive either.

I do have one close male friend who I trust. But I'm thinking that I'm going to have a policy of no more male friends and stop looking for relationships...I'm going to be single and accept it.

At one point I thought this has to be my fault that the men that show up in my world are not that great. But now I'm getting to age 40 I'm starting to reconsider that it's actually them.

I plan to put my energy into female friendships only. I'm in a very female centred line of work and only work with women which is nice. I stopped hiring men for other jobs e.g. around the house if I can work with a woman instead.

I gave up a hobby I had that brings me into contact with a lot of men.

I know women are not all perfect either, but here's the thing. I've never been assaulted, sexually harmed, harassed, catcalled, verbally abused, or had an unwanted pass made at me by a woman.

It's clear that some men are unsafe to be around and that's reason enough to avoid the whole lot of them.

What do you think?

I think about all the dogs I have known...

• the females have been loyal, but not needy
• the males have been needy, but not loyal

That about sums up my human experiences too. YANBU OP.

Sounds amazing.

I too now have a policy of ‘no male friends’ as got utterly sick of platonic friendships suddenly turning into sexual harassment/ declarations of love.

https://archive.thinkprogress.org/1-in-3-college-men-in-survey-say-they-would-rape-a-woman-if-they-could-get-away-with-it-ffa7406b9778/

This study shows that 1 in 3 men in the US would rape a woman if they knew they would get away with it. If that's extended to the UK population of men, that's over 10 million who would rape.

I used to be one of those girls who thought she got on well with men. I still have a few carefully chosen men friends and a partner, but in the whole I dislike men because of their ever worsening behaviour. As a whole they are aggressive, entitled, paranoid, insecure, selfish, violent and lack empathy. And they are so fucking loud. I'm fed up to the back teeth of their antisocial behaviour - their apparent belief that everyone should have to listen to their shouting, their loud aggressive swearing, their revving, their speeding.

I need to make more women friends.

My trouble is that I'm very tactile. I don't have any children to cuddle and I don't have the time to keep pets properly. If I cut men out of my life, I'd stave from lack of physical contact and affection. And my man is a nice one on the whole. I'm under no illusions that he's perfect though. He can be just as selfish as any of them.

I feel like I've found my people. Great thread.

I separated from my husband last year and I'm very happy and content being single and nesting in my own space.

I've had a lot of scary and inappropriate things happen done to me by men from a very young age, strangely never ever by women??

I'd consider a relationship with a woman these days, but never a man.

Like many, I have a lovely DH, but if anything happened to him/ us I wouldn’t date again ever. ( no loss to them I am sure, as I am old and fat now.)

i have been wary from a young age as, whilst on the face of it, I had a nice family, my brother used to often hit and demonstrate his strength to me and also control me (psychological games). My parents didn’t see it/ ignored or didn’t intervene. He stopped this in late adolescence, but it left its mark. He would be seen as ‘one of the good ones’ and my parents adore him. I like him/ get on with him, but this, coupled with many many many negative experiences of men ( assault, stalking, flashing etc but also other less severe, but still insidious and frequent experiences), meant that I made positively sure that I was always financially self sufficient and had agency over my choices. This meant I could split up with boyfriends I didn’t feel 100% sure of.

since I still have this agency, my choice would be to limit contact to never engage romantically again and only liaise with men professionally. To reiterate, I have a lovely DH, lovely DS and lovely (male) boss. But frequent basic life experiences means I will withdraw from any unnecessary interaction.

And I cannot stand men who deny that things like patriarchal society and male entitlement exist because it hurts their feelings.

I know someone who it's simply impossible to discuss these issues with. He denies male violence is an issue. He denies than male leaders cause more wars than female leaders. He denies that men speaking over women in meetings is a thing. "Let's not make this a gender issue - it's a people issue" he'll say, invariably talking over me. The irony

His reasoning is that his mother was emotionally abusive towards him. Therefore women are no different from men in his eyes.

Yes, it's infuriating. It's like that often cited 'rule of misogyny' - for some men the worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad. They just don't want to see it.

I remember watching a show about a serial killer who used to go hitchhiking, and killed several women over a few years. Only women. And the 'expert' was saying something about his risk to people...and I'm thinking - eh, no, his risk is to women.
If a man got in the car with this guy, they would likely have a conversation and drop him off somewhere, and go on with their day.
If a woman got in the car with this guy she was likely to be raped, strangled and dumped in a ditch somewhere.

That is not the same fucking risk!

What's wrong with being a cat woman?

Oh sod that, I'm fully intending on becoming that cat woman. I've got 3 already so am on my way.

I'm also working hard on developing my Crone status and feel, at 55, that I may be approaching takeoff here. I've perfected Hag, but Crone is taking a bit more time. I wanna get it right.

💙 All power to all women setting their boundaries. I have never wanted male friends. Even before I saw how shit MANY of them are. I have one or two but women are infinitely preferable.

I split with my ex last year after a 20+ relationship. The amount of married mutual friends or single men that i barely knew that came crawling out of the woodwork was unreal. I am 50, not very attractive and could do with losing a couple of stone, but the amount of "if you need anything just let me know, anytime" said in a way that implied if i wanted a shag to let them know. It actually repulsed me and in a way made me feel like prey. Like as i was suddenly single i must be desperate for a shag and their luck was in, sex was the last thing on my mind after having my life turned upside down and my heart smashed.

Luckily met DP not long ago and once people knew these "kind" offers all stopped. My DP is one of the good ones, a very gentle kind man i feel lucky to have met him.

But i have spent years wading through the shit to find my island.

I dont blame you OP, i really dont.

Yes, it’s remarkable that poster seems to think his hectoring, ignoring, dismissing, insulting approach will convince us that we are being unfair to men.

I mean that poster clearly thinks he is one of the good ones and still treats women like that, so..

These sorts of threads always attract at least one aggressive male apologist. Certain types seem very worried that women will talk to each other and help each other enforce their own boundaries. How dare we.

Think you are very sensible and YANBU
at all.

YANBU. I too have had largely negative experiences with men, including male relatives.

I only have one male in my life and that is DS.

I occasionally have sex with men as unfortunately I am still attracted to them but I wouldn't have a relationship and I always make that clear.

Oh and I do have one male friend but he is gay. I wouldn't be mates with straight men.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow
Interesting.

My ds 29 wants to do yoga. But he doesn’t want to be the creepy man at the yoga class. So he decided to do something else!

I'm not saying men shouldn't go to these classes, not at all!

I just mean there are some men who seem to go there as a place to meet women, or overstep boundaries, when most of us just want to do the class and then leave.

There are a few men who come in, do the class just like the rest of us and don't make a fuss, and it's fine.

Yes, the OP's son shouldn't be put off doing yoga. There's an almost even split of men and women, I've found, in bikram or hot yoga.

I do what are largely female only classes (sometimes gay men). You get men arrive occasionally to try to date, who are over friendly and just come across as sleazy. But there are one or two men who are genuine (one is married with children) who just get on with the classes and fit in.

Of course criminals are going to target their ideal demographic. But even within those demographics they will still pick a target based on perceived ease of the target.

Without men theres no females.
Women can be horrible and are. Rose West, Myra HIndley, Savannah Brockhill et al.

Women are much more bitchy and gossipy.

Men could probably say similar about women.

Well exactly, so of course it often does have something to do with the sex of the victim.

😂😂😂

Without men theres no females

Not for much longer it seems…
https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/could-artificial-sperm-mean-the-end-of-men-1.3986121

Rose West and Myra Hindley were heavily influenced by their male partners. While I do agree that they are horrible women, would they have become murderers if they hadn't ever met those particular men?

I don't find the women in my life bitchy and gossipy either. Depends who you hang out with.