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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get rid of men from my life altogether

350 replies

montecarlo7 · 15/08/2023 19:18

I know this sounds a bit barmy but I've been doing a lot of reflecting recently and I realised that men have overwhelmingly brought negative things into my life.

I made a list of the male friends and relationships I've had in the past and I realised there were only 5 who were good men who brought something positive and there were many who harmed me. I'm almost 40 and single.

I've been raped in what I thought were safe relationships. I've been sexually assaulted on multiple occasions, both by strangers and male friends. I've been harassed and catcalled a lot. Two male friends (both partnered) I made in the last few years ended up sexually harassing me. Not the first (or second) time either. My (male) neighbour in my last home harassed me to the point I had to go to the police.

I've had partnered and married men make passes at me over and over to the point that I don't make friends with couples anymore.

The men I've hired in a business or work context have not brought much positive either.

I do have one close male friend who I trust. But I'm thinking that I'm going to have a policy of no more male friends and stop looking for relationships...I'm going to be single and accept it.

At one point I thought this has to be my fault that the men that show up in my world are not that great. But now I'm getting to age 40 I'm starting to reconsider that it's actually them.

I plan to put my energy into female friendships only. I'm in a very female centred line of work and only work with women which is nice. I stopped hiring men for other jobs e.g. around the house if I can work with a woman instead.

I gave up a hobby I had that brings me into contact with a lot of men.

I know women are not all perfect either, but here's the thing. I've never been assaulted, sexually harmed, harassed, catcalled, verbally abused, or had an unwanted pass made at me by a woman.

It's clear that some men are unsafe to be around and that's reason enough to avoid the whole lot of them.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Knight900 · 17/08/2023 08:14

montecarlo7 · 17/08/2023 06:34

No, not prejudice. Prejudice implies that you treat someone badly because of set ideas about who they are.

I already know who many men are.

I've had extensive experience with them. I made a list of the friendships and relationships I've had with men. 24 of them harmed me in some way.

Here's the harm:

Verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, rape, cheating, using me for sex and lying about wanting a relationship, porn addicts, used sex workers who turned out to be trafficked women, didn't stand up for me when they saw another man abuse me in some way, hurt me during sex and didn't care, belittled me, tried to cheat on their partner with me, sexually harassed me, behaved in a sexist way towards me, the list goes on.

6 of them didn't harm me.

So according to my calculations based on my experiences, 75% of men behave badly to the point they can harm the women they're involved with romantically or friends with.

That's not prejudice, that's experience.

Also, the men's rights forum is that way ---->

Show quote history

ok - Buts that not 30 million people is it ? Or 3.5 billion people ? So from your experience you are judging millions of people (in the case of the UK) with your own personal experience. That is completely nonsensical and illogical. Notwithstanding flagrantly sexist and prejudice.

you can’t just shut peoples views down just because it does not suit your narrative.

jeaux90 · 17/08/2023 08:15

@Knight900 ONS stats tell us that men commit 98% of sexual offences.

HTH

I'd suggest a Reddit MRA forum >>>

Knight900 · 17/08/2023 08:16

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Original poster
montecarlo7 · 17/08/2023 08:16

Yawn.

OP posts:
Knight900 · 17/08/2023 08:17

WandaWonder · 17/08/2023 02:44

So we need to rid of brothers, fathers, uncles, son's, male employers/employees how does all this work?

Clearly not from these comments !

Knight900 · 17/08/2023 08:18

montecarlo7 · 17/08/2023 08:16

Yawn.

“good answer “🤔

Farmageddon · 17/08/2023 08:18

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Oh fuck off with your nonsense - the OP isn't suggesting attacking men, or culling them.
She is simply stating that she doesn't want to associate with them, because of their treatment of her.
Why don't you go on to a male forum and tell them to 'think intellectually' about why they slate and abuse women? Let's see what kind of response you get...

Baldieheid · 17/08/2023 08:20

montecarlo7 · 17/08/2023 06:38

I am centering myself as a woman on this thread, and the other women's sharing of their ideas and experiences, so I will now be ignoring anything that is clearly posted by a man.

BRAVO OP!!!

The most important person in our lives is ourselves.

Knight900 · 17/08/2023 08:22

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MattDamon · 17/08/2023 08:26

I'm in my late 30s and 'once you see it, you can't unsee it' is the mantra amongst my peer group. You'd think we were too young to be so cynical, but they've bloody made us that way!

I'm in a relationship, atm, but honestly, he's just 'okay' and I'm pretty close to ending it. If I do, I'm going to focus on dating women moving forward as I'm just so sick of men.

Original poster
montecarlo7 · 17/08/2023 08:28

MattDamon · 17/08/2023 08:26

I'm in my late 30s and 'once you see it, you can't unsee it' is the mantra amongst my peer group. You'd think we were too young to be so cynical, but they've bloody made us that way!

I'm in a relationship, atm, but honestly, he's just 'okay' and I'm pretty close to ending it. If I do, I'm going to focus on dating women moving forward as I'm just so sick of men.

I've considered myself heterosexual most of my life but I'm wondering if I will at some point explore dating women, too. I fell in love with a female friend once in my early 20s but I didn't really have sexual feelings towards her.

It's a bit hard to date women if you're not completely sure about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
montecarlo7 · 17/08/2023 08:32

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Oh so shocking! She burned her hand by putting it on a hot stove and now doesn't want to touch hot stoves. Such prejudice against hot stoves. So mean!

OP posts:
Knight900 · 17/08/2023 08:32

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Farmageddon · 17/08/2023 08:34

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It's not 'equality' to accept men's shitty behaviour without question or consequence.

Have you gone onto Reddit or similar yet to prostrate them for their comments about women? Why not?
Or do you just prefer to hang around on a women's site berating us for having boundaries?

Farmageddon · 17/08/2023 08:34

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Ah ok, I see now you're just a troll, stirring shit.

I won't be engaging with you any further.

Farmageddon · 17/08/2023 08:36

montecarlo7 · 17/08/2023 08:28

I've considered myself heterosexual most of my life but I'm wondering if I will at some point explore dating women, too. I fell in love with a female friend once in my early 20s but I didn't really have sexual feelings towards her.

It's a bit hard to date women if you're not completely sure about it.

Show quote history

Apparently a lot of women decide to date women later in life, as they just get sick of men. Often times this is after they have been married before and had children.
I do think women's want/need for children clouds our judgement a bit (even though I'm childfree), as there is this urge that takes over a bit and so they tolerate shitty behaviour for a while.

Knight900 · 17/08/2023 08:38

Farmageddon · 17/08/2023 08:34

Ah ok, I see now you're just a troll, stirring shit.

I won't be engaging with you any further.

Show quote history

No I’m not a troll - I am calling out toxic prejudicial behaviour which is being displayed here. It is abundantly clear that some of you cannot reasonably argue otherwise.

SunsetCurtain · 17/08/2023 08:39

I didn't know this was as common as it was.
A friend of mine always joke when we're out together that we wish we were lesbians because men add no other value in our lives.
She's married to an arsehole, my partner, fortunately, is one of the few decent blokes out there but if it weren't for him I'd just cut blokes off I think.
Is there a reverse conversion therapy?

Knight900 · 17/08/2023 08:40

Farmageddon · 17/08/2023 08:34

It's not 'equality' to accept men's shitty behaviour without question or consequence.

Have you gone onto Reddit or similar yet to prostrate them for their comments about women? Why not?
Or do you just prefer to hang around on a women's site berating us for having boundaries?

Show quote history

You are confusing with boundaries with flagrant discrimination- I am
sorry you are unable to understand that.

icelolly12 · 17/08/2023 08:40

Xrays · 16/08/2023 08:24

My Mum was the same (although my Mum and Dad got divorced when I was very young). She just found men annoying and didn’t like their selfish nature. I have been married 15 years now but if for some reason I ended up alone I’d be quite happy to be on my own and wouldn’t want another relationship. (And I really do mean that as I was previously a single parent prior to meeting dh so know I am quite happy on my own). Men just think completely differently to women, completely different mind set and so noisy / loud / messy.

Show quote history

"Men just think completely differently to women, completely different mind set and so noisy / loud / messy."

@Xrays ergh yes, I was sat in a Dentist waiting room the other day and the man next to me had to announce his presence with his loud sighs, then playing football on his phone, loud coughs, shuffling etc. The women all just sat quietly.

Same when exercising, the men are always grunting and breathing loudly. I can't deal with it!

In the home, men slam cupboards shut rather than close them, stamp up the stairs.

At work, a colleague was putting up equipment as loud as possible I can only imagine to attract attention.

I am sensitive to noise etc so Men generally irritate the hell out of me!

Original poster
montecarlo7 · 17/08/2023 08:40

SunsetCurtain · 17/08/2023 08:39

I didn't know this was as common as it was.
A friend of mine always joke when we're out together that we wish we were lesbians because men add no other value in our lives.
She's married to an arsehole, my partner, fortunately, is one of the few decent blokes out there but if it weren't for him I'd just cut blokes off I think.
Is there a reverse conversion therapy?

Yes, reverse conversion therapy. I'd like that, too.

OP posts:
Baldieheid · 17/08/2023 08:42

Yeah, ignore.

Until we're all forced to wear red cloaks and white bonnets, we are actually free to choose if we allow people into our lives or not. Free agency allows us to choose our friends, our jobs, our homes, etc (up to a point, usually dictated by finances).

I find that women choosing through free will to opt out of some or all of the "expected" threatens some people, mostly male.

I guess seeing it in writing by numerous female individuals causes some sort of diminishing of the male godlike status on the male mind, or something...

Males are not nearly as impressive as they believe. It's a sad truth if you've been raised on a pedestal.

Knight900 · 17/08/2023 08:43

montecarlo7 · 17/08/2023 08:32

Oh so shocking! She burned her hand by putting it on a hot stove and now doesn't want to touch hot stoves. Such prejudice against hot stoves. So mean!

Show quote history

That is a stupid incoherent argument. Do you understand what discrimination means ? The meaning of equality? Not collectively grouping people together as one and forming a view ?

I detest this sort of view and being spouted and supported on public forums.

just calling it out that’s all

Knight900 · 17/08/2023 08:44

Baldieheid · 17/08/2023 08:42

Yeah, ignore.

Until we're all forced to wear red cloaks and white bonnets, we are actually free to choose if we allow people into our lives or not. Free agency allows us to choose our friends, our jobs, our homes, etc (up to a point, usually dictated by finances).

I find that women choosing through free will to opt out of some or all of the "expected" threatens some people, mostly male.

I guess seeing it in writing by numerous female individuals causes some sort of diminishing of the male godlike status on the male mind, or something...

Males are not nearly as impressive as they believe. It's a sad truth if you've been raised on a pedestal.

Again - anti male / discriminatory views

Maybe take some more time to ponder your argument ?

Knight900 · 17/08/2023 08:46

RoseslnTheHospital · 17/08/2023 06:40

@Knight900 what "toxic environment" is the OP creating? No man will even realise that she is quietly withdrawing from interacting with them. The OP is also happy to continue working with the couple of men that she currently does.

"Misandry" seems to just be what some people call women protecting themselves. Compared to the effects of ongoing misogyny throughout the ages, which has led to nations and generations of women being denied basic human rights....

Incidentally here is the definition of misandry ;

  1. ”dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men (i.e. the male sex).
  2. "poorly disguised misandry"

In case you were not clear !