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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sick of comments about the bidet

312 replies

Bidetdrama · 15/08/2023 12:42

Dp is from a country where they use a bidet. Washing your bits after a number 2 seems to be viewed like a holy ritual by some over there, including his family.

Every time they visit UK or we visit them, there's obligatory comments and questions about the bidet and lack of it in this country. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how we Brits keep ourselves clean without one and the grimacing faces and adjectives of disgust that inevitably follow. They basically imply we're all filthy and they're superior with their squeaky clean backsides.

At a family party last weekend his cousin came from another city. She and I got chatting and she was desperate to understand the ins and outs of British toilet hygiene. I almost felt like I was having to justify the UK's standard bathroom plumbing set up. Other family members I hadn't met before were intrigued and started gathering round to listen and comment. It was just so cringe.

I used to live in DPs country and used a bidet then so I know it's a very clean feeling. I usually have my call of nature just before my morning shower nowadays so I can still stay very clean. However, this isn't the sort of detail I want to discuss at length with DPs family!

I've said to DP I'm sick of the topic, he also gets asked about how he stays clean in the UK too. They seem obsessed with it though.

AIBU to be sick of this topic. How can I shut it down?

OP posts:
Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 21:11

Xrays · 15/08/2023 20:34

I can’t believe I’m going to share this but here goes…

When I was about 17 I had a Vietnamese friend and I stayed over at her house. In the evening I went to wash my face and I used the small towel hanging by the sink to dry my face off as I forgot to bring a towel with me and didn’t really think anything of it, just assumed it was a towel to dry your hands with etc. Anyway I came out and she had a towel for me to use and I explained I’d used the one hanging under the sink and she was in hysterics for ages and finally told me that that was her Grandmother’s “bum towel” that she used (the Grandmother, she lived with them) to dry her bum off after washing it after a poo.

Still cringe and laugh about it now. 🙈🙈

🤣🤣🤣 You're great. Thanks I needed a laugh.

Saschka · 15/08/2023 21:48

RoadSignFool · 15/08/2023 18:37

Hold on, a CONTRACEPTIVE device? The mind boggles, how on earth….?

Show quote history

Jet-wash the semen out of your vadge, before they can breach your cervix. You’d probably have to sprint over as soon as the deed was done, which might kill the mood a little. But it would prevent wet patches.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 15/08/2023 22:20

I don't know. I'm English and has a bidet growing up. Tell them to use a lota or bottle.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 15/08/2023 22:21

Also you can get a bidet tap installed.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 15/08/2023 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Maddy70 · 15/08/2023 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SammyTam · 15/08/2023 22:31

I want to know what people are doing with their clothes whilst having these..what amounts to a sitting down awkwardly shower? I simply can't imagine doing any of this without everything getting soaked?? Presumably people undress completely every time they poo? I'm not sure my compact bathroom/or any public loo would be able to cope with the various layers I'm wearing to keep warm?! And then Id be freezing cold, soaking wet, and wondering where the bum towel is?! I'd rather have a full on shower.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 15/08/2023 22:46

Apparently, it's A Thing that a not insignificant number of people do - to routinely take off ALL of their clothes (top half too) before using the toilet.

No idea how they work the logistics of that in a small public cubicle, but there's nowt so weird as folks.

RoadSignFool · 15/08/2023 22:49

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 15/08/2023 22:46

Apparently, it's A Thing that a not insignificant number of people do - to routinely take off ALL of their clothes (top half too) before using the toilet.

No idea how they work the logistics of that in a small public cubicle, but there's nowt so weird as folks.

Nooo, surely not?

Maddy70 · 15/08/2023 22:53

SammyTam · 15/08/2023 22:31

I want to know what people are doing with their clothes whilst having these..what amounts to a sitting down awkwardly shower? I simply can't imagine doing any of this without everything getting soaked?? Presumably people undress completely every time they poo? I'm not sure my compact bathroom/or any public loo would be able to cope with the various layers I'm wearing to keep warm?! And then Id be freezing cold, soaking wet, and wondering where the bum towel is?! I'd rather have a full on shower.

It's the same as using the toilet. Why do you think people are talking all their clothes off to use a bidet? 😀

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 15/08/2023 22:57

It's the same as using the toilet. Why do you think people are talking all their clothes off to use a bidet?

Toilets are usually strictly one-way only with the water jets - they don't offer the same powerful 'payback' that bidets do!

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 15/08/2023 23:10

When I was studying at uni in the UK I used to see females going to the loo with a little watering can that was always on the counter. I'm guessing this was to use in place of a bidet at the uni loos. Nothing stopping your relatives from doing the same!

SiobhanSharpe · 16/08/2023 00:23

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 15/08/2023 23:10

When I was studying at uni in the UK I used to see females going to the loo with a little watering can that was always on the counter. I'm guessing this was to use in place of a bidet at the uni loos. Nothing stopping your relatives from doing the same!

Now that is weird. British universities provide small watering cans for women to take into the bog???
Why haven't we been informed?

montysma1 · 16/08/2023 00:41

Does just water even clean your bum? Dont you need soap?

Also, do you just leave the toilet with a wet arse? Or are there arse towels? Tell me not shared arse towels?

LongingForWolverhampton · 16/08/2023 03:03

montysma1 · 16/08/2023 00:41

Does just water even clean your bum? Dont you need soap?

Also, do you just leave the toilet with a wet arse? Or are there arse towels? Tell me not shared arse towels?

I refer you to @Xrays post about arse towels.

Wingedharpy · 16/08/2023 03:44

Just tell them we're British OP.
We don't defaecate - we delegate that activity to the staff below stairs.

LongingForWolverhampton · 16/08/2023 03:48

Wingedharpy · 16/08/2023 03:44

Just tell them we're British OP.
We don't defaecate - we delegate that activity to the staff below stairs.

Priceless! I can just see Maggie Smith saying this!

LongingForWolverhampton · 16/08/2023 03:49

"An English man would never defecate in someone's house. Especially the house of someone he didn't know. "

or "don't defecate, dear. It's very middle class."

#NotQuiteWhatTheDowagerSaid

stacyvaron · 16/08/2023 04:29

Get one of these. It's wonderful to have a heated seat on a chilly morning in addition to being clean https://www.homedepot.com/p/TOTO-C5-Washlet-Electric-Heated-Bidet-Toilet-Seat-for-Elongated-Toilet-in-Cotton-White-SW3084-01/315742608

hygieneversustheplanet · 16/08/2023 05:13

Well, this has all been rather educational!

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 16/08/2023 07:15

Bidetdrama · 15/08/2023 12:42

Dp is from a country where they use a bidet. Washing your bits after a number 2 seems to be viewed like a holy ritual by some over there, including his family.

Every time they visit UK or we visit them, there's obligatory comments and questions about the bidet and lack of it in this country. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how we Brits keep ourselves clean without one and the grimacing faces and adjectives of disgust that inevitably follow. They basically imply we're all filthy and they're superior with their squeaky clean backsides.

At a family party last weekend his cousin came from another city. She and I got chatting and she was desperate to understand the ins and outs of British toilet hygiene. I almost felt like I was having to justify the UK's standard bathroom plumbing set up. Other family members I hadn't met before were intrigued and started gathering round to listen and comment. It was just so cringe.

I used to live in DPs country and used a bidet then so I know it's a very clean feeling. I usually have my call of nature just before my morning shower nowadays so I can still stay very clean. However, this isn't the sort of detail I want to discuss at length with DPs family!

I've said to DP I'm sick of the topic, he also gets asked about how he stays clean in the UK too. They seem obsessed with it though.

AIBU to be sick of this topic. How can I shut it down?

Tell them we shower daily and change clothes daily which is common here and uncommon there and we do not wash raw pooh with our hands.
How are you not disgusted by such poor hygiene practices and such primitive conversations. Get out.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 16/08/2023 07:17

SiobhanSharpe · 16/08/2023 00:23

Now that is weird. British universities provide small watering cans for women to take into the bog???
Why haven't we been informed?

Show quote history

And then spill that genitals wash water over the toilet seat for others to sit on.

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 16/08/2023 07:33

Disturbia81 · 15/08/2023 17:26

@Fallingthroughclouds Yeah bums are not hands 😆 but they get itchy if not clean, leave skiddies etc..

Only if you rarely shower

Abra1t · 16/08/2023 08:52

It’s quite possible to use a handful of soapy water to clean up if necessary, standing on the bath mat and using a designated flannel.

This always causes uproar on MN but it works well.

Disturbia81 · 16/08/2023 09:34

@Elephantsdontlikechocolate Nope.. I shower every day and one improperly wiped poo will make me itchy, a daily shower doesn't prevent getting dirty like a shield 😆