Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of comments about the bidet

312 replies

Bidetdrama · 15/08/2023 12:42

Dp is from a country where they use a bidet. Washing your bits after a number 2 seems to be viewed like a holy ritual by some over there, including his family.

Every time they visit UK or we visit them, there's obligatory comments and questions about the bidet and lack of it in this country. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how we Brits keep ourselves clean without one and the grimacing faces and adjectives of disgust that inevitably follow. They basically imply we're all filthy and they're superior with their squeaky clean backsides.

At a family party last weekend his cousin came from another city. She and I got chatting and she was desperate to understand the ins and outs of British toilet hygiene. I almost felt like I was having to justify the UK's standard bathroom plumbing set up. Other family members I hadn't met before were intrigued and started gathering round to listen and comment. It was just so cringe.

I used to live in DPs country and used a bidet then so I know it's a very clean feeling. I usually have my call of nature just before my morning shower nowadays so I can still stay very clean. However, this isn't the sort of detail I want to discuss at length with DPs family!

I've said to DP I'm sick of the topic, he also gets asked about how he stays clean in the UK too. They seem obsessed with it though.

AIBU to be sick of this topic. How can I shut it down?

OP posts:
Illbebythesea · 15/08/2023 17:42

I hate using wet wipes when we’re out of toilet roll, I don’t like that ‘wet’ feeling after a 💩 🤮 Tell them it’s because British men already take an hour having a shit and if they had a bidet they wouldn’t come out till the next morning.

XenophobicPooTroll · 15/08/2023 17:43

Down I hop
Off to the shop
To treat my butthole
To a nice Ice pop

Toodleoo, poo crumbs!

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 17:44

Saschka · 15/08/2023 17:22

You run it down your arse crack, basically 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Twist and aim from the back, got it. I'll start with water, build up to a jagerbomb.

MissBoomBastic · 15/08/2023 17:49

jackstini · 15/08/2023 12:49

Tell them you don't talk about toilet habits in the UK; it's impolite Wink

This!!!

BeReet · 15/08/2023 18:00

This seems apt!

To be sick of comments about the bidet
thinkkook · 15/08/2023 18:09

We have a bidet - it was there when we moved in - never used it!! It looks so awkward.

I like the thingies you get in Asia, the little squirty things...

Americano75 · 15/08/2023 18:13

Flickersy · 15/08/2023 13:41

You anus is generally concealed, not on show and not in contact with anything. Toilet paper or a splash of water is perfectly acceptable. A significant portion of the world's population uses toilet paper and they haven't all succumbed to arse-based disease yet.

You wouldn't wash your hands with just running water either.

Show quote history

Totally snorted at 'arse based disease'.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 15/08/2023 18:24

Twist and aim from the back, got it. I'll start with water, build up to a jagerbomb.

Did The Beatles write Twist & Shout after one of them used a bum-gun toilet on tour, which unexpectedly dispensed a powerful jet of icy-cold water straight into his tea-towel holder? Grin

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 15/08/2023 18:26

I've honestly never tried using those down on my bum hole. I must try it some time .

The Hydroklenz triple-stripe peppermint ring-fresh variety is particularly suited to those who have no plans to try to sit down for the next six hours.

Yellowlegobrick · 15/08/2023 18:32

If your bowels are healthy you should have pretty much no residue there to wash/wipe.

The anus is a sphincter, as it opens there's a degree of extrusion, the only part which really should have residue should end up back inside. Its only where people have relatively unhealthy stools/bowel habits that there's a lot to wipe or wash away.

JTK50 · 15/08/2023 18:34

Mischance · 15/08/2023 16:56

I am seriously puzzling as to how water can possibly remove shit, which is pretty sticky, especially for those of us with IBS and piles.

We use warm water in a jug but Shataf is what I'm used to, for numer1 water is sufficient to get rid of unrine, although its hygienic to rinse while using your hand, your hand also guides the water to flow back or to the sides. For number2 you use your left hand(with or without soap) and wash same way you would've done in the shower(water alone doesn't get rid of everything). You would then need to wash your dirty left hand with soap, that's why in many cultures offering your left hand is seen as an insult.

WeWereInParis · 15/08/2023 18:34

Maddy70 · 15/08/2023 16:57

I agree with them. If you had poo on your hands you wouldn't simply wipe off with paper you would wash thoroughly

Wipe bum
Wash hands
Don't touch bum

That seems sufficient

RoadSignFool · 15/08/2023 18:37

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 15/08/2023 17:40

‘I’m talking about places like France and Italy. There are no hoses alongside the toilets in as standard those countries, but most hotels and homes have bidets.’

Im not sure that most French homes have bidets now. I’ve owned two French houses with a total of five bathrooms ( not including separate loos) . One main bathroom had just been renovated when we bought it : no bidet. We did inherit a bidet in a cabinet de toilette ensuite with the master bedroom, but it only had a hand basin and the bidet, the loo was down the corridor.

When we were updating the bathrooms with loos, there were virtually no bidets in the catalogues. The plumber said when I asked about them ‘Madame, we have showers now’.

My French friend told me that bidets were used as a contraceptive device before ‘ more reliable means’. That was why they were found in en-suites , not loos.

Hold on, a CONTRACEPTIVE device? The mind boggles, how on earth….?

Tartareistasty · 15/08/2023 18:41

Was it the rinsing up after sex? I remember reading about it somewhere!

BodegaSushi · 15/08/2023 18:42

Saucery · 15/08/2023 13:02

It’s like they are Poo Trolls trying to get you to go into detail about toilet habits. How odd.

Tee hee

Atethehalloweenchocs · 15/08/2023 19:09

They’re right though - it’s is disgusting, if you think about it. Most countries use bidets or shatafs as standard.

Yes, because many countries have plumbing which cant cope with toilet paper.

Asiama · 15/08/2023 19:14

My parents are also from a similar culture but have lived in the UK 30+ years. They used to keep a bottle in the bathroom to wash themselves. I remember when they visited us my father went to the loo, and my mother demanded a detailed explanation from him in front of my DH how he had cleaned himself without a bottle.

It is cringe and wearing.

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 19:16

WeWereInParis · 15/08/2023 18:34

Wipe bum
Wash hands
Don't touch bum

That seems sufficient

Show quote history

And don't touch people with your bum hole. People are less likely to care whether or not it's been through the bidet, if you're not revealing it to everyone.

Maddy70 · 15/08/2023 19:30

WeWereInParis · 15/08/2023 18:34

Wipe bum
Wash hands
Don't touch bum

That seems sufficient

Show quote history

A quick wash in the bidet takes seconds you feel all fresh particularly during a period. Why just wipe? Gross

MumofSpud · 15/08/2023 19:31

FlakiestCornflakeInTheCerealBox · 15/08/2023 13:23

Can you just tell them that different people do different things and you don't know what others do? Repeat every time they ask you? Or if it's the same people just tell them you don't want to talk about it.

For what it's worth I can kind of relate. I'm originally from India and everytime I meet someone British who has been to India they tell me about how primitive the toilets are in India, in particular that people use essentially holes (yes, we call them Indian style toilets and many people prefer them because they are good for passing stool and also great exercise for your general health) and how Indians don't use toilet paper (considered as dirty. Most Indians prefer washing with water like in countries that use bidets). Drives me absolutely crazy. Not just that it (these conversations about toileting in India) happens so often but also the ignorance behind it.

You won't believe it but it's genuinely every time something like:

Person: oh I've been to india
me: did you like it? / What did you do? /where did you go? / (Nothing..)
Person: I couldn't believe my eyes seeing the toilets. They actually still use holes in the ground. And nobody has heard of toilet paper!!

It grates. I get it, op. Dont let them make you feel inferior or as if you need to justify anything.

When I lived in rural China the toilets were also homes in the ground - much more hygienic than Western style and after a year my thighs could crack walnuts!

Mischance · 15/08/2023 19:44

MumofSpud · 15/08/2023 19:31

When I lived in rural China the toilets were also homes in the ground - much more hygienic than Western style and after a year my thighs could crack walnuts!

Show quote history

So - the Chinese live in their underground toilets??!! 😂

MoveOnTheCards · 15/08/2023 20:04

I can’t help but think ‘’jeez, how messy are your shits that you need to go through this every time you have a movement?’

Daphnis156 · 15/08/2023 20:23

If using a bidet is so clean why are the French so smelly?

dontchaknow · 15/08/2023 20:33

I'm sure I read somewhere that eastern cultures have fewer hip problems as people age because the squatting for those low toilets is good for stretching the lower back and strengthening the thighs. With regard to the jug cleaning/water hoses, I've yet to visit a public toilet in the east where the floor is not flooded. Paddling through who knows what is quite enough to induce constipation in me, and similarly I can hold on to pee now for ages!

Xrays · 15/08/2023 20:34

I can’t believe I’m going to share this but here goes…

When I was about 17 I had a Vietnamese friend and I stayed over at her house. In the evening I went to wash my face and I used the small towel hanging by the sink to dry my face off as I forgot to bring a towel with me and didn’t really think anything of it, just assumed it was a towel to dry your hands with etc. Anyway I came out and she had a towel for me to use and I explained I’d used the one hanging under the sink and she was in hysterics for ages and finally told me that that was her Grandmother’s “bum towel” that she used (the Grandmother, she lived with them) to dry her bum off after washing it after a poo.

Still cringe and laugh about it now. 🙈🙈

Swipe left for the next trending thread