To be sick of comments about the bidet

[Bidetdrama]

Dp is from a country where they use a bidet. Washing your bits after a number 2 seems to be viewed like a holy ritual by some over there, including his family.

Every time they visit UK or we visit them, there's obligatory comments and questions about the bidet and lack of it in this country. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how we Brits keep ourselves clean without one and the grimacing faces and adjectives of disgust that inevitably follow. They basically imply we're all filthy and they're superior with their squeaky clean backsides.

At a family party last weekend his cousin came from another city. She and I got chatting and she was desperate to understand the ins and outs of British toilet hygiene. I almost felt like I was having to justify the UK's standard bathroom plumbing set up. Other family members I hadn't met before were intrigued and started gathering round to listen and comment. It was just so cringe.

I used to live in DPs country and used a bidet then so I know it's a very clean feeling. I usually have my call of nature just before my morning shower nowadays so I can still stay very clean. However, this isn't the sort of detail I want to discuss at length with DPs family!

I've said to DP I'm sick of the topic, he also gets asked about how he stays clean in the UK too. They seem obsessed with it though.

AIBU to be sick of this topic. How can I shut it down?

Yep. I knew a guy who was like this. He literally had to drive home from work, take all his clothes off, poo, then have a full shower, get dressed again and drive back to work. He owned the business so he could do it, but it was one of the weirdest things I've ever heard of!

Reminds me of Billy Connolly's bit about all members of the Royal Family have to have an operation called a "fartectomy" to avoid any future embarrassments...

Here's an idea. Keep a plant spray filled with soapy water next to your loo.

After having a shit wipe with dry loo roll THEN squirt another pad of loo roll with soapy spray for a final bum wipe.

No?

How bloody ignorant and rude
Of course people in countries with bidets shower daily often way more frequently because its hot and sweaty

"they're superior with their squeaky clean backsides"... sorry OP I sympathize but this made me absolutely howl😂hope you get it sorted, must be absolutely infuriating!!

Sorry, a handful of water while standing on the bath mat? So this dirty water just splashes onto the mat?

Tell them washing anus in a bowl lots of others washed theirs in isn't as superior as they think. Jet or not, there is splash back and your pretty much sitting inside it.
Nor is handling pooh with their bare hands superior. And then probably eating with those hands.

And then spill that genitals wash water over the toilet seat for others to sit on.

Yes, there must come a point where, if you're effectively having some kind of shower post-jobbie, you're going to leave a big mess if you don't actually do it in a shower/bath.

There must be so many people who pride themselves on being so thoroughly hygienically clean and sparkly fresh after doing their dirty business - who then leave a resulting scene of devastation for the next unfortunate user to have to step over and navigate!

Maybe somebody could invent something like the old 'rolla-towels' that we used to have for drying our hands in public toilets. Thinking one in each cubicle, lower down, abrasive surface, ideally motorised and fast-moving, suitably angled for you to climb astride and let it get all the stuff off and buff you up all nice and shiny-arsed. Just like a bandsaw mechanism (but one which leaves your flesh intact).

Other than the unavoidable Russian roulette 'karma' aspect of having to be fully aware of when 'what goes around is coming back around', I can't see any real downsides.

You mean like an anal flossing machine @FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper ?

I have noticed my bum hole being itchy due to poo remains despite wiping clean. I'll wipe clean then throughout the day I can feel it itchy and then noticed there's poo when I use a wipe.

I guess it depends what I use. Mine is a peri bottle with a nozzle so no water everywhere but I guess if you're splashing about with a bowl/jug...

You mean like an anal flossing machine

Quite possibly - but I'm not Googling that

...or was that your description of it rather than an existing 'Thing' that I was hitherto unaware of?!

Countries that use bidets and shattafs etc, are they in public toilets too, motorway services etc?

Yes

Tbh if anything should catch on in uk, and anywhere actually, it should be sanitising gel dispenser next to toilet like in switzerland and Austria. Put bit on toilet pape, wipe seat, beautiful.
Bum shower, no bum shower, incredible number of people leave toilet seats in quot a state.

After a holiday to Finland where every toilet has a bidet shower fitted, i got one for my ensuite. I love it! Especially on hot days when you want to freshen up down/back there

So the arse-towels...

Each member of the family has their personal one, plus some extras for guests? After you've been, do you throw it in a covered basket or something ready for the wash? Or just hang it up so everyone who uses the bathroom after you can admire your poo stains? 😳

What happens if you have to go twice in one day?

Or do you just have a big box of them beside the loo, that people use as they need and then throw in the wash?

Do you then need to do a washing load at the end of every day, to deal with the arse towels? I only run my machine a couple of times a week - seems like a big environmental burden.

Or are they disposable? Like toilet paper but presumably sturdier to handle the moisture?

No matter how long this thread goes on, it only seems to generate more questions for me.

You shouldn't have poo stains! The idea is you're clean and drying off so like after a shower. Personally I have flannels so it doesn't take much washing and I'm only drying any excess water so I'm not delving about

So we're back to the theory that the running water itself is enough to clean ALL the poo off, with no abrasion needed? Some of us were not convinced.

But anyway: OK, so you only need the arse towel for soaking up water and it comes off your arse sparkling clean, so the theory goes. do you therefore just hang it up and use the same towel for a week or so? Have a wall of all the towels belonging to every arse in the family, just hanging there?

Or do you use the same towel you use after a shower, as it's so poo-free anyway?

If it helps anyone to save on washing, Lovehoney do a 6 inch dildo with a shower attachment and if that doesn't work for you, they also have a "Whirling anal douche kit"!
Whether it "whirls" on you or you "whirl" on it, is not specified.

Nice image! But you could use a squirt of baby lotion in toilet paper maybe?

I use soap due to the whole preventing UTI thing so can't comment on just water and don't live with anyone so no sharing!

But if you imagine you're soaping your actual er, bum hole as opposed to your entire area, then squirting a peri bottle with a small nozzle over it, it's not like you're spraying water everywhere with a shower head. Half the time you could just blot with toilet roll as most of the water has run off anyway
It's a really common method that was in a popular book about cystitis

After living in the Far East for a couple of decades, we found the standard UK arrangement kind of unsanitary and had to get a Japanese toilet installed. Don't really like staying at others' houses or even in hotels for this reason. Never heard the word "shataf" before, but this seems to be what is known among expats in Thailand as a "bum gun" and very efficient they are too.