To be annoyed that DH didn't plan for DS's first day of school?

[AttackCherubim]

DS starts school tomorrow.
DH works in IT for a large company with multiple offices across the country.
They put a new program in place over the weekend but discovered Monday it wasn't working properly.
DH is now claiming he might need to miss DS's first day to work to fix it.
I am annoyed, and he accused me of "minimising his job"

I pointed out that he has had months to book annual leave, there are more than just him and his team, and if my friends husband can make it back from army deployment for their child's first day, he can take the morning off work.
AIBU to be annoyed?

YANBU

Actually the PP suggestion of just waiting and starting day 2 with normal transport in place is worth considering unless there are other reasons not to/DS understands it's meant to be tomorrow already. Could make it all smoother.

I agree. If it's going to be unsafe for you to take him to school it makes more sense to just start on the second day. It's less confusing for him as that will the be routine going forward, and it also means he's able to be collected and transported safely to school.

Nothing To do with an instagram story, it would be pretty irresponsible of me to broadcast my child’s school to the world?

I honestly don’t get this place - if fathers/parents aren’t involved it taking an interest then they are called every l thing under the sun but then they take a day off for school starting (a massive milestone) - it’s too much.

my child is actually very happy to have his gran and aunt wave him off - don’t worry they won’t take up too much room since apparently everyone else has one parent there if that?

I remember my first day like it was yesterday and my gran and my other family members came to say goodbye, it such a lovely memory that I treasure.

I understand that you are nervous about DS starting school, and disappointed that DH isn't there to support. But you will cope and can only do your best.

Are you expecting your husband to spend the day in school with your son? If not then you’re being so unreasonable. It’s his first day at school, he’s not graduating as a brain surgeon.

Does nobody work?

Weirdly there is this thing called annual leave.

waves from just up the road, in Scotland

Every day really is a school day, isn't it? 😆

And what happens day 2?

I didn't know this was a thing. At dd1s first day she skipped in to school along with 28 other dc who just had one grown up there. The remaining one dc cried and was very upset. Yup, you guessed it, he was the dc with the crowd of family members piling the pressure on and making a big deal of it. Poor kid was overwhelmed.

Again another one going against the grain here. I’d be annoyed.

You were brave to post in AIBU because frankly you’ll always get a kicking. People who just made their 5 year walk from home on their own…

Most schools do something first few days/weeks which means parental involvement is needed (half days etc, later start), and too many men let the mental load and actual work fall on their wife/partner. They’ll attend if they can, but they won’t ensure they do.

I work full time so does my DH. I am the breadwinner and have a job which means it’s only absolutely emergencies I can’t attend. When my Father died I was back at work 36 hours later because there was something that could not be covered by someone else.

My DH works in IT and his job is more regular hours.

This is exactly the sort of thing he would do. Not take time off and possibly not even realise when first day is (I guarantee he has no clue when our kids go back), but say he would be there. Then suddenly something drops in the diary he can’t attend. It will not be an emergency which means his working are overriding annual leave (or the hour he took off am to attend). I on the other hand will have put this in the diary months ago so save for a dire emergency I will be there.

This year I have an important meeting happening. Has to happen that day. I’ve told the other attendees I have to drop one of my children off as they are disabled and have terrible anxiety and I will need to physically hand him over to his TA. We are starting at 10 am to accommodate this. I guarantee my husband has not even thought about it.

I presume OP is on mat leave, but it’s still the same issue. Mental load falling on women.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You had a vision of how your child's first day at school was going to go and now it's changed. I have 3 kids and daddy dearest was there every time one started school. Even my eldest's, and we were divorced by then.

I can't imagine there are many people who would waste a day of annual leave just so they can spend 5 minutes taking their child to school on their first day. I imagine there are even less people who would take time off so they can wave off a grandchild or niece / nephew on their first day at school.

With kindness Op are you putting more weight on this as really you are worried about coping going forwards. If you can’t handle him on your own pregnant you will be worried you will struggle when baby is here.
I’d let dust settle on this but then you’ll need a conversation with husband and work and expectations when baby is here.

Still totally OTT, imagine if the whole school made it such a massive performance.

Your DS has zero idea how he’s going to feel, because he’s a small child. It’s you who should dare guarding his potential anxiety and not insisting on waves to nanny and aunty.

I dont understand is this a thing now where parents need to take the day off for their child first day of school??????

As someone who works in IT, if there is a business-critical system failure that needs remedied, annual leave probably wouldn't have made a difference - I've been called in from AL / over weekends in the past if there's something that needs fixed, especially if it's for a client.

This.

Though I do get the annoyance - I asked DH to be around - annual leave or work from home - A-level results day as it may be touch and go for DD1 and she may need calm sounding board to talk though options even though DD1 will be one ultimately having to make decisions. All fine then informed me start of the week he has to be in that day. Does kind of feel like he saying oh you've got this so he can go off and do his big important job - though his reasons do sound good I think it's the lack of support for me as if DD1 is upset it's always fairly full on.

All school starts for mine have been straight forward when young just me as school staff are experienced though I realise it may be harder for you with the SEN.

Fingers crossed for both of us OP it is a straight forward day.

If you need DH to help you with your son, is he going to have to make sure every morning and afternoon is free? It's going to be even harder when you have a new baby.

My kids go back to school tomorrow. They've been off since end of June.

(Scotland)

Sends shock waves through my Englandshire friends every single year on on Facebook.

Op says he gets transport from day 2. Usually it’s a taxi or minibus with a driver and escort. They will pick him up from home and escort will help get him in vehicle and strapped in safely.

There's worse things to miss...parents evening, sports day, performances are just a few...get him to book a training day off or the last day of term which will normally be a half day.

I have two older children and their dad did not participate in their first day of school apart from saying ' have a lovely day' in the morning. It did not cross anyone's mind that this was a problem, my children certainly were not bothered about it.

Playgrounds were always full of extended relatives on first days with mine - not sure it was helpful for anyone that many additional people making a fuss but it happened.

Like most teachers we too didn't have the luxury of being able to take time off for first days at school, sports days, awards evenings, concerts, plays, special assemblies etc ect.. The only reason that either of us were able to see some events in their Primary school was that one or both of us worked in their school, even then though if I was teaching in the Juniors school I was unable to watch their event in the Infant department as I was working!