To be annoyed that DH didn't plan for DS's first day of school?

[AttackCherubim]

DS starts school tomorrow.
DH works in IT for a large company with multiple offices across the country.
They put a new program in place over the weekend but discovered Monday it wasn't working properly.
DH is now claiming he might need to miss DS's first day to work to fix it.
I am annoyed, and he accused me of "minimising his job"

I pointed out that he has had months to book annual leave, there are more than just him and his team, and if my friends husband can make it back from army deployment for their child's first day, he can take the morning off work.
AIBU to be annoyed?

It never even crossed my mind that DH should take time off work to be there for either of my children going into school on the first day!

YANBU. It’s important to you and you thought it was important to your DH. We all have different priorities and just because lots of others don’t see it as a milestone it shouldn’t diminish how you would like the day to go. Me and DP work but always made time to start work a little later and finish earlier so we could do the first day at school drop off. Otherwise we would take annual leave and go out for lunch (or be home with pre school age dcs). We only did this for very first day at school.

Would it not be better to make it more low key then? I presume you’d go through arrive at the school, there’s your teacher/TA , have a lovely day, I’ll see you later. And go ahead and do just that.

I put mine on the school bus, told an older kid to make sure they got off and walked into the school. We lived 45 minutes from the nearest school and I didn’t drive 🤷‍♀️all the kids seemed to survive.

Your friend's husband must have been on his way home already, it's summer leave time around the Army. My husband could barely get back from his deployment to be at the birth, noone is asking to leave for a first day at school.

I'm not sure which is more unreasonable, the not booking a day off leave or introducing what seems like a significant IT change in August.

Too much of a drip feed, DS is autistic, and we have to fight to get him his place in the specialist school.It is a major milestone for him, we do not know how he will cope and being heavily pregnant I could use DHs help

Actually I think this context does change things. If DS is likely to get distressed and have a meltdown, I can see how it would be useful to have DH there as support, particularly if you are pregnant.

As one SEND mum to another, I do sincerely hope it goes OK and your DS is happy.

We were both there for our kids’ first days of school. We didn’t book annual leave, just went in a bit later. If there had been a ‘thing’ at work, then of course we’d have unfortunately missed the first day. It’s life. You don’t book an entire day of leave for what is basically a 15 min photo op.

Lots of grandparents today, most kids starting school for the first time had 3/4 family members there

So with a class of thirty, that would be a hundred or more people swilling around the reception gate, playground and classroom? Plus siblings, dogs, etc? What an absolute nightmare for children and teachers.

I'm not sure which is more unreasonable, the not booking a day off leave or introducing what seems like a significant IT change in August.

Possibly thought a lot of users would be on holiday, so it might be quieter. Like railway cos. often choose August or Christmas/NY to do major work.

So significant IT changes can't be rolled out in August? Been in IT for 25 years, never heard of the 'not in August' rule😊

I understand why you’re frustrated and worried about handling it alone but it sounds like it can’t be helped.

I’d speak to the school and ask if it’s possible if you bring him in 10mins earlier, before the other students get there so he can settle without it being too overwhelming.
Also explain that he’s a rubber or if he’s violent and your concerns with your pregnancy.

Would it be possible for DH to either go in later or go earlier and come back for the morning school run?
He obviously doesn’t need the full day off but it would be helpful to have a couple hours in the morning off.

I don't think there's that many in the class but yes it is crazy
I was asked to pick my daughter up at 2.30
Queue was already formed at 2.25, I'm just out of the school gates!! It's utter madness

So with a class of thirty, that would be a hundred or more people swilling around the reception gate, playground and classroom? Plus siblings, dogs, etc? What an absolute nightmare for children and teachers.

Yes I found it mad with pfb - I had younger preschool kids with me as DH was working and no-one would have them and I was SAHM then- and it was staggered so only 15 - rest went in afternoon session.

Still I'd expect to hand pfb over at door - but no whole year expectation you'd go into cloakroom with them and get them sorted (except wrap around children after first day though they were walked and sorted by staff before doors opened to rest )- and first day everyone went in no thought oh that's crowded I'll wait out here so it was much busier and chaotic then entire rest of year but teachers still managed to keep order.

Once we moved next school it was hand them over at the door which I think me and the kids preferred.

😂😂😂😂

August is just a month like any other isn’t it? It’s only schools and other education that are off, not the entire working world

If your DH's teams role in the project is pivitol, and it's not working, in my company holiday booked would go out the window (you'd not have been allowed to leave the country - might have been able to request a day on the basis it might be cancelled) because they'd be expected to be there to sort it.

We work in implementing internal systems for companies...

If the OP does work, I bet it's not in IT, otherwise she would understand why her husband needs to work that day.

What is unreasonable about IT changes in august?

I think you're being unreasonable re Army deployment. We don't get to pick and choose when we come home from deployment and what we can come back for. Certainly in my unit, if I asked to come back for a first day of school I'd be laughed out of the office.

I don’t think this changes anything. In fact if it is an issue, won’t it be an ongoing problem and you need more than a first day solution.

This is the most curious post of the thread. 😀. What is this not in August rule?

Those saying you are unreasonable do not have an asd child whose a runner. He has left you in the lurch. He is a dick

Well it was certainly a thing when I started school in 1990, so at least 30+ years.

It’s quite a good time to introduce IT changes in my industry as so many people are on holiday so there are fewer people to disrupt.

It sounds like OP only has to manage the drop off on Day 1 as transport kicks on from Day 2. All autistic children are different and while some might like the same routine so would be better to start on Day 2 as suggested by PP, mine would prefer a gradual build up to changes. So I’d need to get them used to school first, then introduce the transport element (and it would probably take longer than a day!). OP knows her child best. If it’s been a struggle to get into a specialist school, I can see why she might not want to miss the first day, how does that look to the school.

not true at all.

but most of us live in the real world where we appreciate the world can’t stop for a first day at school.

given the update about the transport from day two I agree with the suggestion of waiting until day two to start to keep things as you mean to go.

My issue isn't that he will have to work, it's that he didn't book the AL in the first place.