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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel if you were asked to not bring video games on holiday?

122 replies

Videogame0 · 14/08/2023 17:15

Ds is neurodiverse and we’ve been seeing a really fantastic specialist to help us help him.

He’s seven, and one thing she’s pointed out that we’d noticed too is that video games make him a LOT worse (he feels terrible afterwards and he obsesses over them - I mean obsesses). We are putting very strict restrictions on them, on her advice. So far, it’s working. (I’d like to get rid of them completely but that seems unfair now - also, he lives in this world and they’re everywhere so I can’t do that to him!)

We’re due to go on holiday with another family next week, with an 8-year-old and a 5-year-old.

If they play their video games while away (we’re sharing a house), obviously DS will play too otherwise it just feels cruel.

We’re now thinking: do we just suck up the fact that the week will be full of terrible tantrums / behaviour from DS? Or do we ask the family not to bring gaming devices?

It’s very awkward to ask. But I don’t know how attached NT kids are to them!

AIBU to ask? Happy to hear I am, and just put up with however it will be.

OP posts:
hopeishere · 14/08/2023 17:22

Can you ask them to stick to the same restrictions? Rather than a blanket ban?

Original poster
Videogame0 · 14/08/2023 17:24

I was thinking that - but that would be gaming only on Saturdays, which is our turnover day!

OP posts:
Ringshanks · 14/08/2023 17:25

Are you sure they have devices? 8 and 5 is quite young for this in NT kids

Original poster
Videogame0 · 14/08/2023 17:25

Like I said though: I don’t want to turn this into something that makes other kids unhappy / other adults feel slightly resentful! Just unsure how much other people would care if asked.

If someone asked me, I’d say “yes great! Good riddance!” But that’s just me because I’m really not into gaming at all!

OP posts:
Original poster
Videogame0 · 14/08/2023 17:25

Ringshanks · 14/08/2023 17:25

Are you sure they have devices? 8 and 5 is quite young for this in NT kids

Yes the older definitely has a switch - the younger is not interested in the switch at all though.

OP posts:
Angelmonkey · 14/08/2023 17:26

It wouldn’t bother me if my children were asked not to game to help another child. But then again I don’t let my children take gaming devices on holiday with them!

peachgreen · 14/08/2023 17:26

A compromise might be to ask them to keep them to their room and not play them in communal areas?

Marblessolveeverything · 14/08/2023 17:27

I'm sorry but I don't see why their kids lose out on what in our case would be a holiday privilege.

Can you agree the parents give a heads up and you bring your child somewhere else for an activity? And alternate with him bringing their children somewhere to play their devices?

Friggingfrog · 14/08/2023 17:27

I would be happy with this. My kids are 11 and 7. Oldest one has Xbox and younger has switch and they wouldn’t take them on holiday anyway in a bid to get them outside and doing other things

OhHeyBabe · 14/08/2023 17:27

It wouldn't massively bother me and I have children similar ages. Would changing the restrictions to an hour a day massively upset your routine? If so, it's worth an ask.

greenmarsupial · 14/08/2023 17:28

I would consider framing it as a question about their screen time rules as you have had this advice and want your DS to be prepared.

I am fairly strict on screen time but would find it a bit of a PITA to be 'told' that my kids couldn't have them on holiday. I'm sure they would then be more amenable to making a joint decision on the rules.

JustPickleRick · 14/08/2023 17:28

I wouldn't be happy if you asked us to leave our son's devices at home. I'd probably say no can do sorry We've just got back from Spain and my 8 year old son took his switch and i took my tablet. They were great to have around for the times when it got too hot and he didn't want to be out in the pool or down the beach. Great for the evenings too when having some down time in the evening. I think it's unfair to expect others to do the same as you... sorry 🤷🏼‍♀️

GasPanic · 14/08/2023 17:29

Well I assume if you are going on holiday with you they know your son and the issues he has ?

I think the key is not to make demands. Just discuss with them that your son has issues with games and you are worried that if he plays them too much it could be disruptive to the holidays, but you respect that their kids may want to play.

Then they can maybe suggest some solutions. They might even be glad to suspend their kids game playing for a week or maybe give them some extra time the week before - after all they are supposed to be on holiday and doing different stuff !

Also a different thing, but it might be worth finding out what triggers your son in terms of gaming. For example some games are very goal orientated (you have to beat everyone else). This might make competitors the target of anger. But other games are more creative, you have to build things and the goals are more nebulous as there is no strong endpoint. Both types probably need management, but maybe different types lead to different behavioural outcomes.

BlowDryRat · 14/08/2023 17:29

If I was good enough friends to go on holiday with you then this wouldn't bother me at all. My two DC both have a Switch but wouldn't be concerned about going without it for a week to help out a friend. If it was their phones then that would be a different story!

3dogsandarabbit · 14/08/2023 17:29

Isn't the whole point of going on holiday that you relax and do things that you wouldn't do at home. If you're going to spend time away, glued to a phone, playing video games, watching TV etc, you might just as well stay at home.

Chamomileteaplease · 14/08/2023 17:30

I would imagine that if you tell the other parents that it will stop your son having massive meltdowns (or whatever he does) then that will help sway them as that would have a knock-on effect on everyone.

Lemonyyy · 14/08/2023 17:30

We asked on a recent trip with another family, they said no, no bad blood. Can’t hurt to ask as long as you are happy to accept no.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 14/08/2023 17:30

greenmarsupial · 14/08/2023 17:28

I would consider framing it as a question about their screen time rules as you have had this advice and want your DS to be prepared.

I am fairly strict on screen time but would find it a bit of a PITA to be 'told' that my kids couldn't have them on holiday. I'm sure they would then be more amenable to making a joint decision on the rules.

This. Treat it as a conversation where your explain your son's issues and ask if both families can have the same game rules on the holiday to avoid resentment. Then discuss what those rules should be.

I don't think you should ask for the other family to ban games for the week.

FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 14/08/2023 17:30

It would never occur to me to take a gaming device on holiday. I go on holiday for a change of scene.

Xenia · 14/08/2023 17:31

Depends on the child. Some of mine would not have been bothered and others would - one would even take all kinds of cables in advance and be taking hotel room TVs from wall and affixing games and it was a massive part of our holidays (although certainly not for me!) although that would have been older children but even an 8 year old might have a routine on planes of playing their devices these days.

awaytofrance · 14/08/2023 17:31

I would have to say no to you, and I wouldn't appreciate being asked, to be honest.

Greenfishy · 14/08/2023 17:31

I think it depends how close you are to the family. My bestie and my SIL i’d talk to them about it and hatch a plan , which would probably be very limited but not banning them. Actually I also went camping recently with a group and the mums had consultedabout the amount of screen time the kids were allowed cos they wanted to limit it.

I’d ask if you could come to an agreement. The other parents will probably be glad of a reason to limit it!

LadyCrazyCatLady · 14/08/2023 17:31

We go on holiday with another family whose DCs use devices more than ours do. I'm not a fan of too much screen time so last year I suggested that we avoid the screens for holidays so it's more like the sort of screen-free holidays that we all remember as children. The other family were very receptive and even us adults put our phones away.

I think it's certainly OK to broach the subject if it's a family that you're close enough to, to go on holiday with.

Vitriolinsanity · 14/08/2023 17:31

Instead of gaming, could the compromise be they are allowed a movie that all of them will enjoy as down time?

At dinner etc you could all play Uno or similar?

The other family might be quite happy to have a week off the gaming too.

My DS who is a typically 16 yo was quite happy with this compromise on a recent family holiday.

Original poster
Videogame0 · 14/08/2023 17:33

greenmarsupial · 14/08/2023 17:28

I would consider framing it as a question about their screen time rules as you have had this advice and want your DS to be prepared.

I am fairly strict on screen time but would find it a bit of a PITA to be 'told' that my kids couldn't have them on holiday. I'm sure they would then be more amenable to making a joint decision on the rules.

Yes that’s a good idea - that way I’m not asking something that might irritate them! But rather we’re setting the rules together.

OP posts:
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