Page 4 | How would you feel if you were asked to not bring video games on holiday?

Ilovelurchers · 14/08/2023 20:22

I'd say no if asked - my daughter works incredibly hard on her schoolwork in and out of school, and on her hobbies, and also helps with chores (I am very lucky - she is brilliant!) - so our holidays are a break for her as much as they are to me, and I wouldn't want to totally restrict an activity she really enjoys on holiday (she loves gaming - she's 11).

Having said that, I wouldn't be remotely bothered to be asked, and I would try and work with my daughter to find a compromise if possible - only gaming in her room for example if the kids have separate rooms?

Speak to your friends - see how they feel.

Ilovelurchers · 14/08/2023 20:32

caringcarer · 14/08/2023 19:38

The teen does a lot of Sports. Is a county player and on the verge of getting into an England team. It's amazing what can be achieved when every hour in the day is not wasted on gaming. Teen spends no more than 2-3 hours a week on gaming. Too busy with training sessions, and meeting up with friends. The thing is if you organise other activities they never miss the gaming. He watches some TV and goes on YouTube sometimes but he and his friends choose sport over gaming every time.

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That's great that he is good at sport, if he enjoys it. But loads of kids excel at a range of things and ALSO spend some of their leisure time gaming. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Obviously if children/teens are spending "every hour in the day" gaming, that will be disastrous for their physical and mental health, but it's entirely possible for it to be one of a balanced range of activities a young person enjoys .....

Jellycatspyjamas · 14/08/2023 20:32

Like others my kids would use screens on flights and for down time after the pool, beach etc. For that reason I wouldn’t agree not to take them but would agree to sitting in a different part of the plane, or restricting use to their room etc.

You're going to need to navigate different rules about all kinds of things over the years, so presenting it as a what joint rules do we want on holiday is a good start for the discussion.

ValancyRedfern · 14/08/2023 21:09

It would never even occur to me to take gaming devices on holiday so it may not even be an issue. If you were my friend I'd rather you asked than made yourselves and your son suffer for fear of offending me.

caringcarer · 14/08/2023 21:21

Ilovelurchers · 14/08/2023 20:32

That's great that he is good at sport, if he enjoys it. But loads of kids excel at a range of things and ALSO spend some of their leisure time gaming. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Obviously if children/teens are spending "every hour in the day" gaming, that will be disastrous for their physical and mental health, but it's entirely possible for it to be one of a balanced range of activities a young person enjoys .....

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But they can't cope without gaming for 1 week?

Original poster

Videogame0 · 14/08/2023 21:54

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 14/08/2023 18:17

As everyone else has said, you need to ask because this will be a mish mash of expectations. I’m at home - DS1 is reading, DS2 is in the bath and DS3 is building a den. All good. But that’s grand because I’m pottering around and doing stuff and it’s not an issue. They’ve had screen time for today, they won’t have any more tonight.
BUT if I was on holiday and we’d been out doing activities all day and everyone (including me!) just wanted a bit of peace and quiet and to wind down away from each other? Yup, I would quite happily stick all 3 on an iPad whilst I chilled out with my book and a glass of wine.

ditto in the mornings. The holiday treat for mine is that they can watch in the morning (thus keeping them in bed!) and I can have a lie in. Win win.

you would be changing the way my holiday works by banning screens. I would probably go along with it, but I would be annoyed. And I definitely wouldn’t be going out of my way to keep DS2 quiet at 5.50am when he wakes up…

Yes I can understand that! But it’s not screens that I’m not giving DS, it’s video games. He can watch tv, play music on Spotify etc. (he does have time limits here too though. But they aren’t wild!)

But I do like posters’ suggestion of asking what my friends’ kids screen time would look like over the holiday, and then we can set the limit together. I’m going to see my friend tomorrow night so I’ll causally ask her then!

I certainly don’t want to piss anyone off, ruin their holiday etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

Videogame0 · 14/08/2023 21:54

Rewis · 14/08/2023 18:21

Have a conversation asking if they are planning on bringing devices. If yes, ask if they have rules. Share what you said here about your son and see what they say. They might offer not bring, or agreeing to your restrictions or playing out of sight without you having to ask.

This is a good idea, thank you!

OP posts:

maryberryslayers · 15/08/2023 08:29

No, I wouldn't punish my kids because of yours. Holidays are a treat for all the family including them, where rules are relaxed.

They enjoy a bit of chill time on their iPad at the end of a busy and fun day. DS has games on his and also plays basic games on the switch with DH, which they both enjoy. They are very active, engaging, sporty children who have jam packed weeks, so I have no issues with a bit of screen time if and when they fancy it on holiday, especially on the plane or long journeys.

I'd be quite annoyed that you were trying to influence how I parent my children, or ask me to stick to limits or rules. I would expect you to deal with your child and me mine, entertain him in another way or take your child elsewhere if he couldn't manage to be in the same room as other children on devices.

We share a holiday but I do what works for mine, you do what works for yours.

10HailMarys · 15/08/2023 11:11

caringcarer · 14/08/2023 19:38

The teen does a lot of Sports. Is a county player and on the verge of getting into an England team. It's amazing what can be achieved when every hour in the day is not wasted on gaming. Teen spends no more than 2-3 hours a week on gaming. Too busy with training sessions, and meeting up with friends. The thing is if you organise other activities they never miss the gaming. He watches some TV and goes on YouTube sometimes but he and his friends choose sport over gaming every time.

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That’s because they happen to enjoy sport and are good at it, not because you’re some kind of super-parent who banned ‘devices’. It’s basically just a matter of luck that your approach happened to suit your child.

Not all kids like sport. Not all kids respond to being pushed into activities that have been organised for them. I would have loathed being sent to organised sports because I found it tedious and regimented and was much happier doing creative/academic/independent stuff.

Gaming barely existed when I was a child, and none of us had ‘devices’ but there were still just as many non-sporty kids then as there are now.

My next door neighbour’s little boy is currently in their garden with his smart phone filming what appears to be some kind of elaborate stop motion animation involving some action figures (as I discovered when one of them was accidentally catapulted over our fence) in numerous locations. I don’t think that’s any less valuable an activity than, eg, being sent to a touch rugby session.

10HailMarys · 15/08/2023 11:22

caringcarer · 14/08/2023 21:21

But they can't cope without gaming for 1 week?

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Nobody’s saying they CAN’T cope without gaming for a week, just that there’s no reason to stop them doing a fun, harmless thing that they enjoy in their spare time on holiday, for the sole reason that the fun thing in question happens to be gaming.

Similarly, I can cope without (eg) reading for a week, but that doesn’t mean I should have to go on holiday without any books.

Changetheuser · 15/08/2023 11:23

It wouldn't bother me but I don't take devices on holiday anyway.

PimpMyFridge · 15/08/2023 11:27

I think it would be completely fine to start a conversation, outline the balance you're trying to keep and why, and that you realise everyone's different so wanted to discuss in advance what you all think it's fair and will keep everyone happy.
I would appreciate that you are aiming to avoid a mismatch of expectations so that the holiday can go smoothly.
If it's a dialogue and not an edict it should be fine I think.

Nopenott0day · 15/08/2023 11:33

You parent your child. The other family parents their child.
Just because the other kids are playing video games doesn't mean you need to let yours.

FrenchandSaunders · 15/08/2023 11:40

I wouldn't mind you asking me this. I'm sure if you speak to your friend you can come to some compromise. Are the kids sharing a room? They could keep their gaming to certain times in their bedrooms, rather than communal areas.

Take yours out when they're gaming, keep him occupied somewhere else.

To be honest I'd be quite happy to leave all gadgets at home if it meant your son would have a happier holiday.

InvincibleInvisibility · 15/08/2023 11:41

Id welcome a chat about gaming rules cos mine have limits on screen time and I know lots of their friends don't. However they are allowed 2 x 1hr per day when on holiday. This is the downtime between sporting activities (they also read, do some schoolwork and play cards with us daily). Mine both have ADHD and are hyperactive. WE need the downtime.

Our holidays are pretty exhausting playing tennis, swimming, canyoning, rock climbing, hiking....

FrenchandSaunders · 15/08/2023 11:43

It's tricky generally when holidaying with friends, however close you are. You all have different rules and expectations, and the kids are used to different things.

I remember a friend asking me not to get my DDs chips or ice cream on a holiday once as her DD was overweight and she didn't want her having them. Hardly fair on mine!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/08/2023 11:48

I worry about my ds and screen time, but I wouldn’t even think to bring games on holiday. If you asked me I’d be totally happy not to bring games for my Ds(9).

I’m planning to bring his tablet on holiday as we’re flying (and it means everyone gets some down time) but if we were going on a SC holiday with another family and they asked me not to bring it for this sort of reason, I wouldn’t.

awaytofrance · 15/08/2023 11:54

caringcarer · 14/08/2023 19:38

The teen does a lot of Sports. Is a county player and on the verge of getting into an England team. It's amazing what can be achieved when every hour in the day is not wasted on gaming. Teen spends no more than 2-3 hours a week on gaming. Too busy with training sessions, and meeting up with friends. The thing is if you organise other activities they never miss the gaming. He watches some TV and goes on YouTube sometimes but he and his friends choose sport over gaming every time.

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you followed a post dripping in self righteous judgement with more self righteous judgement
check your privilege. How nice for you athletic, able bodied sporty healthy child to not need or want gaming. Newsflash: sporty kids also game, and not all kids have the ability, health, time, or parental money to be able to compete at such a level. Or at any level.

Your posts are loathesome, judgy and crassly boasting.

Mariposista · 15/08/2023 11:55

I’m probably the wrong person to ask as we are a screen-free family (at 5 and 7 kids are too young for them anyway). But if we weren’t it wouldn’t offend me. I’d explain to the kids that we are on holiday and we are going to find other ways of having fun, spending lots of time outside, doing sport, playing games, going on trips etc and the screens stay at home.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 15/08/2023 11:57

Mariposista · 15/08/2023 11:55

I’m probably the wrong person to ask as we are a screen-free family (at 5 and 7 kids are too young for them anyway). But if we weren’t it wouldn’t offend me. I’d explain to the kids that we are on holiday and we are going to find other ways of having fun, spending lots of time outside, doing sport, playing games, going on trips etc and the screens stay at home.

How are you posting on Mumsnet without a screen?

PearlWithoutPrice · 15/08/2023 11:57

I’d just explain it as you have here. If I were your friend I’d be more than happy to leave screens at home. If they’re not happy, you can agree a work around. But it’s a completely reasonable thing to ask about.

Mariposista · 15/08/2023 12:00

ItsNotRocketSalad · 15/08/2023 11:57

How are you posting on Mumsnet without a screen?

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Sorry, meant we don’t use them at home. We have computers at work and a phone each that only we can touch (kids not allowed). We don’t use them for entertainment. Will reassess when they’re older but at 5 and 7 they don’t need them.

Ellie1015 · 15/08/2023 12:02

I would usually bring switch for journey then it would get used whenever convenient during the break.

If i was told gaming was an issue for one of the children on holiday i would be happy to support them and their parents and not bring it.

Mmhmmn · 15/08/2023 12:03

Videogame0 · 14/08/2023 17:15

Ds is neurodiverse and we’ve been seeing a really fantastic specialist to help us help him.

He’s seven, and one thing she’s pointed out that we’d noticed too is that video games make him a LOT worse (he feels terrible afterwards and he obsesses over them - I mean obsesses). We are putting very strict restrictions on them, on her advice. So far, it’s working. (I’d like to get rid of them completely but that seems unfair now - also, he lives in this world and they’re everywhere so I can’t do that to him!)

We’re due to go on holiday with another family next week, with an 8-year-old and a 5-year-old.

If they play their video games while away (we’re sharing a house), obviously DS will play too otherwise it just feels cruel.

We’re now thinking: do we just suck up the fact that the week will be full of terrible tantrums / behaviour from DS? Or do we ask the family not to bring gaming devices?

It’s very awkward to ask. But I don’t know how attached NT kids are to them!

AIBU to ask? Happy to hear I am, and just put up with however it will be.

What kind of video games has he been playing? Are they blast-everything-in-sight type games? I think the right games can be great - like puzzle and strategy games, ones that get a kid really thinking about how to work things out.

midnightblue12 · 15/08/2023 12:04

I understand OP you're in a really difficult position, but my son, who is 6, used his switch and thoroughly enjoys it. If I was to take him away and say not switch he would really struggle. It wouldn't be a holiday for him. He'll use it to wind down and for his own entertainment.
I don't really think it's fair to ask this, UNLESS, these children don't really care about their games.
You could be asking them to take away something which helps them to help you and I just don't know that's fair.
I think I would be more inclined to change the accommodation and accommodate yourself instead of asking other people to do so.