How would you feel if you were asked to not bring video games on holiday?

[Videogame0]

Ds is neurodiverse and we’ve been seeing a really fantastic specialist to help us help him.

He’s seven, and one thing she’s pointed out that we’d noticed too is that video games make him a LOT worse (he feels terrible afterwards and he obsesses over them - I mean obsesses). We are putting very strict restrictions on them, on her advice. So far, it’s working. (I’d like to get rid of them completely but that seems unfair now - also, he lives in this world and they’re everywhere so I can’t do that to him!)

We’re due to go on holiday with another family next week, with an 8-year-old and a 5-year-old.

If they play their video games while away (we’re sharing a house), obviously DS will play too otherwise it just feels cruel.

We’re now thinking: do we just suck up the fact that the week will be full of terrible tantrums / behaviour from DS? Or do we ask the family not to bring gaming devices?

It’s very awkward to ask. But I don’t know how attached NT kids are to them!

AIBU to ask? Happy to hear I am, and just put up with however it will be.

You can put limits on playing without a van - on holiday an hour a day is plenty. I'm also expecting that the different environment and additional children will change the dynamics anyway. Do you even know if the family are bringing it, I've never even thought of taking a console on holiday!

DD uses Spotify on her phone to recharge/regulate herself, she needs to recharge a lot on holidaybecause of the change in routine.

If you are going cold turkey make sure you have other activities that are tried and tested that he can use to calm himself that are work for him instead of introducing new activities on holiday.

Perhaps take some cards, travel boardgames Battleships etc and a roll of lining paper and some new pens so the children have other things to do.

Yabu. Personally I'd take his device with you without him knowing but only get it out if the others have taken theirs

We’ve been on holiday before and the dynamics between the kids are great but the 8-year-old has much more relaxed screen time rules and would definitely bring it. When we go over to play, he tends to sneak it when he’s not supposed to, though his parents never seem that bothered.

I do know his mum isn’t a fan of the Switch though! But it also makes life easier, which I totally get!

I would say no to not bringing them, but yes to restricting use. Just for the flight alone I wouldn't travel without them.

Are you sure they’re planning on bringing them? My DC are screen free so maybe I’m out of touch but we go out or on holidays with friends and family who do allow video games etc and nobody has ever suggested that as a vacation activity.

I don't understand the people who would be put out/pissed off at being asked. ?!?!?!

@@Videogame0 I eouldnt mind being asked. Kids wouldn't mind not taking screens as long as I promised a lot of family games!

theyre goid enough friends you're sharing a house, surely they're good enough friends you can just talk to them??

I hope you all have a lovely time!!

I wouldn't be impressed at being asked to not bring DDs devices - especially when it wasn't brought up before booking (because then I would have had the chance to decline a holiday with you).
We use devices at the airport and during the flight so not taking them would cause us issues. Similarly DD is allowed it for 30ish mins at the end of the day to relax whilst we get ready for dinner which I expect is fairly normal.

Think about it. Being asked to ban screens/reduce time feels very much like judgement.

Mine are 7, 6 and 1 and I'd say no. If we were going on holiday I'd let the eldest take her switch so that they could play on the plane or in their down time. I would restrict the use of screens anyway as I'd want them to enjoy the experience of being abroad and doing things they don't normally get to. In general they take them on UK trips and play whilst on the car journey but not once we get to the destination.

Do people really take their gaming stuff on holiday? Surely the idea of a holiday is to spend time together and do activities you don’t usually do.

I don't think it is unreasonable to explain the situation and ask how they feel. If they want to still use them though I think you will have to just deal with it as best you can.

If you are close enough to the family to be going on holiday with them, then I would have this conversation with them
Ds is neurodiverse and we’ve been seeing a really fantastic specialist to help us help him.
He’s seven, and one thing she’s pointed out that we’d noticed too is that video games make him a LOT worse (he feels terrible afterwards and he obsesses over them - I mean obsesses).

Followed by - so, what will your boys be doing, so we can try to think of how we can work things for ds ?
If I were the other parent, I would be thinking - "well, it's going to be nicer for everyone if videogame's ds isn't displaying challenging behaviour, I'll restrict my dc too".
It depends to some extent if you are sharing a cottage / apartment / house or if you will have your own spaces. We used to go on holiday with my sister and family but would always get 2 separate spaces in the same complex, so we'd naturally have time apart anyway.

If you are in one living space, then it is more difficult.

Personally I would be more than happy - we used to be of the mindset that holidays were different when ours were young, so no internet connection and no screens was a bonus. But obviously, if a child of 8 has his own switch to play video games on then his parents think differently from me. It is them you have to ask / discuss it with.

I don't think you can stop other people using and bring devices. You can choose to let your kid not play games but you cant expect others to not play games because of your decisions.

If the situation is explained it shouldn't be seen as a judgement. I would only see it as a judgement if another parent said my child isn't allowed without any explanation of why because then you would expect its because they just don't approve.

Ours at that age had the Nintendo DSes which really they normally only played with on holiday. It was something they got out on long journeys and first thing in the morning on holidays. They would lie in bed messaging each other and playing Mariocart together while we had a lie in!

I think for my dc, they'd have been happy with a "only in their bedroom" rule, but if we'd said none, when it was the main time they used them, they'd have felt it was unfair.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong in telling them
how you feel and seeing if you can reach a
compromise. I know you must be worried about the impact of any changes on holiday on your dc but perhaps if you’re clear with them that things might be a bit different on holiday but that things will
be going back to normal when home, then that will help.

I think it's normal for kids to take a small device like a Switch or something.
It doesn't mean you don't have family time or try new activities but there are times in the day when a little bit of downtime is nice.

My DS's, even when teens, were not allowed to game on holiday. They were too busy with other activities anyway like paddle boarding, go ape like courses, swimming, kayaking, body boarding. I can't imagine why children under 12 would be given devices anyway. If your son has an addictive personality you should cut them out completely and see his behaviour improve.

If your DS is that bad over them I'd just not take his devices. There is plenty of other stuff for him to do on holiday and he'll have you both to play with/distract him. Ok it may cause a bit of a meltdown, but then it sounds like playing will be just as bad. Sorry if that's tough love, or if you feel I haven't understood your situation but I'd say "Sorry, you can't handle them yet, maybe you have them back when you're older".

This would pose a problem for us because our ND child uses screen time to help regulate. The last thing I would want to do when we were in a new situation with extra people is restrict a coping mechanism.

I do think he has an addictive personality. I’ve been thinking that for a long time actually! Wasn’t sure if it was really a thing or not, or how to help him.

I wish we’d never introduced them into his life at all! But it’s all the kids in our neighbourhood / his school talk about, so difficult to avoid being around.

Blah blah precious moments blah blah.

Yes, thats the point of holidays. But not every single second of your holiday has to be shiny happy faced togetherness playing wholesome card games and eating ice cream.
It's also about relaxing and doing what you enjoy. When I might want to read and drink wine by the pool, why shouldn't my children want a game of mario kart?

We don’t take consoles on holiday. Just ask but be careful how you frame it.

Ee only play games at the weekend here too

This is the judgment. It;s dripping with self righteous "I'm a better, screen free, parent than you".

Yawn. Those teens won't thank you for it!