Worried my Sons will be left with nothing

[JaffaCake70]

My Husband and I are both early 50s and have been married just over a year (together 3 years in October).

Before we met I had been renting private accommodation. When we married I moved into my Husband's house which he had been paying the mortgage on for around 5 years, he had also paid a large deposit when he moved into the property as he had sold a previous property. We now both contribute to the mortgage and all other household expenses. We re-mortgaged to the tune of £10,000 to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

We haven't really had any serious conversations about finances apart from the agreement of how much I would pay into the home but now I'm starting to worry. I know I need to speak to my Husband about the things I'm about to discuss with you, but I just wanted to see if anyone can advise me where I stand legally before I have the conversation.

My Husband has an adult Son and Daughter, his Daughter lives with us, I have 2 adult Sons, neither of whom live with us.

We both have decent pensions, if anything should happen to him before he cashes his, I would receive it and vice versa (he would receive mine). This has all been put into place.

He has told me that if he should die before me, the proceeds of the house are being split 3 ways between me, his Son and his Daughter.

My worry is: What is being left to my Sons should I die first?

This is really playing on my mind because the way it looks to me on paper is that they wouldn't get anything.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Can I split my pension 3 ways so that my Sons get a 3rd each?

What will happen to my 3rd of the house if I were to die first? I am now paying into the house, surely my Sons should be entitled to something in the event of my death? How does it work though? For example, if I were to die in 10 years time (God forbid) but my Husband then went on to live for another 20 years, maybe even marries again, what happens to my 3rd of the property?

I'm really worried that I've put my Sons in the position of not receiving anything at all if I were to die before my Husband. I don't have any savings to bequeath to them, the only money I have of my own is my pension.

Do I have any legal standing in stating that I want my 3rd of the property to be divided between my Sons in the event of my death. I still feel it's a little unfair that my Sons would be receiving less than my Husband's children (as in his children would still receive a 3rd each, my Sons would have to share my 3rd).

I'm stressing myself out with all of this, I know I need to speak to my Husband but don't want to come across as money grabbing as I'm really not. I just want to know that my Sons will be provided for financially in the event of my death.

YABU - Your Sons should not be entitled to anything from the house

YANBU - You work just as hard as your Husband and are now paying an equal amount into the home therefore your Sons definitely are entitled to a percentage of the house.

But more than YA/YANBU opinions, please can anyone advise as to what I should do/say in this situation?

OP, you really, really need legal and financial advice. Yes, if his sons inherit his house they will own it, so they can evict you.

And no, you aren't on the mortgage. You don't own any part of the house, and unless you get legal advice as to how best to contribute to the mortgage and running costs, all that money will have been "wasted" as legally it means nothing and does not go towards equity in the house. Unless you structure the payments correctly.

Absolutely this.

If your kids were dependents when you pass away, I can see why you’’d be concerned.

Are you sharing your pension/life assurance with anyone but your own sons?

You are a gold digger.

Is what you’re paying in more than rent? And if so is your quality of accommodation higher?

I’m not a solicitor, @JaffaCake70 , but if his children inherit 2/3’s and you a 1/3, they’ll definitely have the upper hand in terms of whether they want to sell the property.

Your DH can leave you a life interest in it though, i.e., you could live there for as long as you wish and they can only sell if/when you’re ready to.

OP, you seem quite naive and trusting about some of this stuff! Surely you know if you're on the deeds as you'll have signed something and should have a copy of it. You should also be aware of the remaining lifespan of the mortgage especially as this is key to your future entitlement. If you're not on the mortgage it's still right that you contribute financially to the running of the household, like rent, unless your DH wants to 'keep' you.

You really need to be a lot more savvy about this. Are you on the deeds? Are you tenants in common? You need to see proof from your DH and discuss that with a solicitor. Your DH would be quite right to ring fence what he's put into the property upfront and to pass it to his DC. The value of your % of the property will increase the longer you pay in, obviously but it needs to be formalised.

This could all get very messy. How do you get on with his DC?

I agree with this.
OP is isn’t unreasonable for you to think of how the money you put into the house might be passed down to your own sons rather than your husband’s children.
It is really concerning that he appears to have fobbed you off with “you are on the mortgage “ when you clearly are not. As things stand you also don’t really know what his will says, he may have left the entire house to his dc !
So he could die and you could be swiftly homeless, either with a third of the proceeds, or scarily with nothing at all.
He can change his will at any point too, so he could add you, then remove you again a few months later. You need to make absolutely sure that your input is protected and that your name is added to the house. You also need to think about the fact he has lied to you about the mortgage and what that means .

OP said she'd been renting up to now so wouldn't have had property assets to leave to her sons before

This is a very silly idea @VeterinaryCareAssistant

The surviving spouse can change their will at any point and leave it all to a donkey sanctuary if they chose to.

Once one spouse is dead, they have no control over the other's will.

My Husband has said that my name is now on the mortgage, I haven't seen it with my own eyes but I do trust him.

But you surely realise that you can't be added to something as important as a mortgage without having signed something and been involved along the way?!

How would he have added you to the mortgage without any signature or formalised commitment from you to the mortgage provider?

He can't have.

Which means he's lied to you about something huge.

Which means you can't trust him.

Morally you have step children what are you going to leave them if your DH passes away first? You are not their mother. I don't think your step Sons should expect to inherit part of the house even 30 years down the line. Your Son's have their own father. Otherwise where do you draw the line with step kids?

@anonymousxoxo Maybe read the posts by the OP before adding horrible comments like 'where is her house and what's she been doing for 50 years'.

The OP says her son's father died many years ago. (Unclear if they are married.)

So it 's quite possible that she could never afford to buy her own home, like many single people or even married couples.

It's interesting that marraige normally poses an issue when two people get together with unequal assets, whereas in this place the assets are equal (?)

How much is "large deposit" ?

If it is a 200k house and he put 10k into it, then paid a mortgage for five years you are less far off from going into a relationship with equal assets. The closer you are going into the relationship with equal assets, the more reasonable it is for you to want those assets split 50:50.

OTOH if it's a million pound house and his "large deposit" was 500K then it is less reasonable that you should expect a 50:50 split at this point. But at the very least you should maintain you right to live in the property, even if it is split unequally to benefit his side on death.

if his sons inherit his house they will own it, so they can evict you

Unless the DH leaves OP a lifetime interest in the house, enabling her to live in it and then for it to be sold when she's no longer there

I'm not suggesting this would necessarily be the right thing to do - and doubtless his kids would have views about it after such a short marriage - but it's just one more thing to think about

she's not a gold digger, husband has only paid deposit and 5 years of house and presumably now OP will be paying on it as well for the remaining 20 years or so of mortgage so yes the house will be hers as well at least in large percentage.

OP you need to verify that you are on mortgage and lease of the house, not just by asking your husband but by seeing it and speaking to the bank the mortgage is held with directly, you should ask your husband about this non-confrontationally and plainly.

i would also recommend you set aside a personal savings pot if you would like to give something extra to your children.

You need legal advice.
You could take out a life insurance policy drawn up so your sons are the beneficiaries.

@followmyflow OP may not be a gold digger. But it's complex because her kids are not her husbands biologically and vice versa.

This is a very unusual thread and we don't know enough.

1 Was the OP and her now H married to other people?
2 Is there an ex-wife and is he providing for her or was it a clean-break divorce?
3 Where is his children's mother?
4 Will his children inherit anything from their mother?
5 Did he have to start again after separating from his children's mother? Is this why he is keen to hang onto his assets?

OP you said neither of you had had a wedding before.

Do you mean you were never married, or you'd had a registry type wedding without the white dress and celebrations?

Have you reached your 50s without being able to buy a house? Presumably yes.

What is the OP putting ‘into’ it other than the rent she would have paid anyway?

If she had assets does anyone actually believe she would split them with her own children and stepchildren?

Not a chance!

Not being unreasonable to have a right of residence for your lifetime so you won’t be homeless. . But for your adult sons to benefit?

EG Do you think Camilla’s children have as much of a right to the Palace’s wealth as William and Harry?

Its grabby.

I strongly agree with @HamBone ’s comment.

and no, I do not think that you sound money grabbing.
if you’re contributing to the property then yes, your sons should (if you want to..!) inherit.

your DH should talk to each other and work out a good solution (with a solicitor).

a life insurance might still be a good solution, tbh. But you definitely need legal advice.

and make sure that you get the advice from your solicitor and not your DH’s. Because that is not necessarily the same!

@Wakintoblueskies I think you are missing the point.
If the OP, over another 15 years of her working life, contributes (eg) £1K a month then of course some of that should form her estate/assets when she dies.

The actual proportion of the house value that would be hers, depends on the ratio of contributions and equity they each make.

If she put in (eg) 20% of the mortgage, her assets on death would be 20% of the house value.

So her sons would get that, at least.

It's not the mortgage that is important it is the deeds
The fact that you say you have not signed anything makes me think you're not on the mortgage either
Did you jointly remortgage for the £10,000 for the wedding?
As you're not on the deeds you do not have an automatic right to remain after your husband has died
He may have left the house in trust for his DC before you even met
You both urgently need to update your wills but you should get your own legal advice before discussing it with now DH
As you have not built up savings( why not) you can't guarantee your DC will inherit anything
IIRC if you are tenants in common you can have a lifetime interest in the property and stay after DH death and it would then be sold and split between his DC and yours
( my ex mil has just died and they have 3 dc between them)
They can only contest the Will if they are financially dependent which isn't the case
3 years is a short marriage legally
I Hope legal advice clarifies this, rather than the words of your DH

I would have thought that the house should have been valued the day you got married or even to come up with a figure what the house was worth 3 years ago. After the outstanding mortgage amount was taken into consideration then any equity should have been ring fenced (pretty sure you can do this in retrospect as if you divorced in 20 years time and even if you hadn’t paid a penny towards the house you could be looking at 50% of everything.
All those saying you aren’t entitled to anything, what was the point in getting married if it doesn’t furnish you with more rights than if you just lived together.

To be scrupulously fair I would say you need to look back to when you got married and what the equity in the property was and your dh should ring fence that amount. Then your dh can distribute through his will his ring fenced equity amount plus his 50% of any uplift in the value of the house from the date you married.

If he decides to take out any further mortgages on the property then they will be coming out of his share and a marker stating you have a financial interest in the property should have been put on the mortgage.
I would have thought you would have to sign something even if you weren’t on the mortgage but lived in the property as your permanent home because if he ever came to move or the house ended up being repossessed you could be considered a sitting tenant as you have been paying to live in the property

I have owned places where dh and adult dc have lived and you have to inform the mortgage company who is paying to live in the house and those people have to sign that they will move should the house be sold or repossessed

I really can not believe that you have married someone without sorting this all out.
You are being very naive.
You would know if you are now in the mortgage as you would have signed paperwork and also signed paperwork which all most likely needed witnessing to remortgage.
You need to be responsible for yourself and understand the situation: what the mortgage is, what you are paying towards etc etc, what the future plan is:
I really find it hard to believe that in this day in age women blindly rely on men in their life to sort this stuff out.
Get it sorted, discuss with your husband. Goodluck

You're not being UR. Your name should be on the mortgage as you are making payments every month. The prior investment from your DH can be ringfenced. I notice, as per usual for MN, no-one has even checked what country you are in. That affects your entitlement to assets too.

In honesty, you would have been in a better financial position if you had bought a new house together with a joint mortgage. I wonder if you even discussed that. Your DH is either relying on your naivety or is equally naive.

First thing to do is change your pension to leave it to your DCs. I'm happily married but my pension goes to my DCs, not my DH. If I die when they are still minors, the sum will go into a trust with DH as guardian.

Second is to have a chat about your name being on the mortgage and division of assets. You could make an appointment with a solicitor or CAB. It might be worth meeting them before talking to your DH so you are confident in the facts and legality. Or arrange a meeting and ask DH to attend with you because his comment about his will has made you think about how to formalise everything. Your DH may have just inadvertently put you at a financial disadvantage so providing him with the legal position might be helpful to him too.

Worst advice ever. Especially in this situation. If this path was followed and he died first I guarantee his dc won't see a penny.