Worried my Sons will be left with nothing

[JaffaCake70]

My Husband and I are both early 50s and have been married just over a year (together 3 years in October).

Before we met I had been renting private accommodation. When we married I moved into my Husband's house which he had been paying the mortgage on for around 5 years, he had also paid a large deposit when he moved into the property as he had sold a previous property. We now both contribute to the mortgage and all other household expenses. We re-mortgaged to the tune of £10,000 to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

We haven't really had any serious conversations about finances apart from the agreement of how much I would pay into the home but now I'm starting to worry. I know I need to speak to my Husband about the things I'm about to discuss with you, but I just wanted to see if anyone can advise me where I stand legally before I have the conversation.

My Husband has an adult Son and Daughter, his Daughter lives with us, I have 2 adult Sons, neither of whom live with us.

We both have decent pensions, if anything should happen to him before he cashes his, I would receive it and vice versa (he would receive mine). This has all been put into place.

He has told me that if he should die before me, the proceeds of the house are being split 3 ways between me, his Son and his Daughter.

My worry is: What is being left to my Sons should I die first?

This is really playing on my mind because the way it looks to me on paper is that they wouldn't get anything.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Can I split my pension 3 ways so that my Sons get a 3rd each?

What will happen to my 3rd of the house if I were to die first? I am now paying into the house, surely my Sons should be entitled to something in the event of my death? How does it work though? For example, if I were to die in 10 years time (God forbid) but my Husband then went on to live for another 20 years, maybe even marries again, what happens to my 3rd of the property?

I'm really worried that I've put my Sons in the position of not receiving anything at all if I were to die before my Husband. I don't have any savings to bequeath to them, the only money I have of my own is my pension.

Do I have any legal standing in stating that I want my 3rd of the property to be divided between my Sons in the event of my death. I still feel it's a little unfair that my Sons would be receiving less than my Husband's children (as in his children would still receive a 3rd each, my Sons would have to share my 3rd).

I'm stressing myself out with all of this, I know I need to speak to my Husband but don't want to come across as money grabbing as I'm really not. I just want to know that my Sons will be provided for financially in the event of my death.

YABU - Your Sons should not be entitled to anything from the house

YANBU - You work just as hard as your Husband and are now paying an equal amount into the home therefore your Sons definitely are entitled to a percentage of the house.

But more than YA/YANBU opinions, please can anyone advise as to what I should do/say in this situation?

I think if I were in your position I would find it fair to do the following:

1. The deposit paid by your husband for your current property should be ring fenced. This should be inherited on his death by his children
2. If your husband dies before you, you should be entitled to live in the property until you die or go into care (if needed) and the same for him if you die first
3. At the point of either of your deaths the house value should be inherited as follows: ring fenced deposit 100% to his children, remaining value of house (once any remaining mortgage paid off should be split 50:50 between you to then bequeith to your beneficiaries
4. You both should be on the deeds/mortgage
5. You both should have life insurance in case either of you dies before mortgage is paid off
6. I would leave your pension to your children not your husband.

This would be fair and mean you are both protected

It sounds like most of the house is actually his, with his putting down a large deposit and having paid years of the mortgage before you moved in so I can understand his thoughts about the division of the house should he die before you. May I ask what you would have been leaving your sons if you hadn't met your husband? Could this still be written into your will that it still goes to your sons?
I think you need to have a proper calm honest chat with your husband about it all, he probably hasn't given it a thought in regards to your sons

People are entitled to live their lives! Scrimping so that independent adults can get an inheritance (hopefully 20-40 years down the line) is absurd. No one is owed an inheritance.

OP, life insurance seems your best bet but in one's 50s it's rather expensive. Maxing out your pension contributions and talking to a financial advisor about more ways to save is probably a good idea.

This is quite a complicated situation and I think you need to get legal advice.

OK, well, the cart is before the horse. This should all have been worked out before the marriage vows but hey ho.

1. BEFORE you speak with your husband, talk with a solicitor and a financial advisor. The company that manages your pension should have some sort of advisory service. Get your pension documents together and ask them about beneficiary designations for married people; are you permitted to designate your sons INSTEAD of your husband as the PRIMARY beneficiaries?

Also ask if you are maxing out your pension contributions and if there is any other acount you should open and also max out.

2. Bring all of that to the solicitor along with any other financial docs you've signed since being with your husband. Make sure it's a solicitor who specializes in estate matters. Explain your concerns. Tell them you want to make a will that benefits your sons.

Ask the solicitor to look up the property registry to figure out if you are on the deeds.

What makes you think you are on the mortgage?

3. Once you have received education from these professionals, then create an outline of what you want and schedule a meeting with your husband.

If you pass away before your husband he will inherit any assets that you have. Any claim to matrimonial assets (assets built up during the course of your marriage) will be passed on to your surviving partner not your children.

In order for your children to inherit anything, you need to make a will. The solicitor who you engage will advise on the inheritance, if any, by your children of the matrimonial property. However, the property will not form part of any inheritance until he passes away, or the property is sold. And even then, as your husband has no legal connection to your children I do not see why they should have entitlement to an asset that hasn't formed part of their lives.

1. The deposit paid by your husband for your current property should be ring fenced. This should be inherited on his death by his children

@sgtmajormum, would it be fairer to do deposit as % of house value at time of purchase than the amount?

But.. if I live for another 10, 20, 30 years, I will have put a hell of a lot of money into the property and definitely think that my children should be entitled to gain financially from the years of contributions I have made - I think in your scenario, then the time to worry about this is in 10, 20, 30 years, not one year into this marriage.

That said, I think you need to have a full and honest discussion with your H about finances. You are contributing towards a mortgage that you know nothing about, ie equity in the property, length remaining. You have blindly believed him when he has told you that you are on the mortgage - you won't be if you haven't signed numerous legal documents for this. It also doesn't sound like you'll be on the deeds either, if you're not on the mortgage. It's time to find out about all of these things properly, not just taking his word for it. You might also need to consider how you're going to feel if it turns out that he has lied to you about the mortgage and/or deeds, and what that might mean for your relationship in the future.

So if your husband took out a mortgage only 5 years ago, there could well be 25 years left to pay, especially with your somewhat foolish decision to add another 10,000 on to it at this rather late stage of your life. In your 50s, you should be focussed on getting rid of a mortgage, not blowing it on something really quite unimportant, like a lavish wedding. You say that you will be working hard/long to pay off the mortgage. How many years do you anticipate being able to work? Remember that your ability to work those long hours you describe are finite...what happens if you both are unable to finish paying off the mortgage? When can you draw your pension? I'm actually quite stunned that you are so in the dark about the mortgage. Your relationship strikes me as being very unequal if your DH can be so secretive about something as vital as your home, and is prepared to lie about it. As others have said - get legal advice toot sweet. Good luck.

Agree you need legal advice.
If you are married isn’t the home a marital asset? I’m not sure he can just decide to leave your kids out of it… it depends on your legal stake in the house. See a solicitor discreetly and get some solid advice! X

No need for that. OP’s situation is a lesson for us all if she didn’t raise it someone of us would be all the more poorer.

I'm confused where this 'my third' is coming from. I can't work out the maths. Are you joint owners, tenants in common or it's in his name only. I'd be more concerned about being homeless if you're widowed than what's being left to your sons.
But you're right, you need a proper conversation about this. In your situation I think the fair thing to do is for him to ring fence any equity he already has in the house (as youve made no contribution) then going forward you go 50/50. You also need to agree a fair contribution from his adult daughter. Then you both draw up wills stipulating how you want your pensions to be allocated should you die before drawing them and what you want to happen to your share of the house. If your OH died before you, could you actually afford to buy his children out? Often spouses arrange things so you can stay living in the home until your death.
You need legal advice.

My mum was married to my step dad for 30 years. They have both now passed and the property has gone to my step brother. As it should. I inherited from my own father. We were left with some money in the Will but that was it.
They were married when I was 13 and it was always known that my sister and I would not be inheriting any part of the house

Not everyone can afford to leave anything to their children. That’s how life is and I’m sure any children with a half decent upbringing would understand that and not automatically assume they’ll get inheritance. Why is it so important to only think bout your children’s inheritance after your marriage and not before it though? What have you been doing for the last 20-30 years of your working life? I’m sorry op but something doesn’t add up & you are coming across as quite a good digger.

@Bugbabe1970 it's a really tricky situation to navigate. 30 years is a long time to have contributed to someone else's mortgage. I guess this is OPs question. I think if your mum got with your step father at 13. That does change my thought process that you should of got a smaller pecemt of the house that your step brother.

*when you were 13 that should of said!

I don't think the contribution from the daughter is the OP's call to make.

Are your sons healthy and in work? If so, they don’t need providing for.

Your DH’s DC get left something because it was his asset, which you’re just contributing a bit to for a few years.

You can do an Expression of Wishes form for your pension, saying you want it to go to your sons, but this is usually just for defined contribution pensions; I don’t know about defined benefit. Look at the scheme rules/call the provider.

I agree and we were all ok with it. This was also discussed before my mother married my step dad and she was fully aware of the situation before they married...unfortunately the OP hasnt done this!

Surely your paying less to contribute to the household you have together than you were paying when you had your own property? Can you not put the difference into a savings account if you want to leave your children something?

If OP really is saving money compared to what she paid out when single - despite being asked repeatedly she hasn't said - then this is a very good idea

It would be perfectly reasonable to leave your pension to your sons.

Your DH’s DC get left something because it was his asset, which you’re just contributing a bit to for a few years

For all we know she’s paying the full mortgage for the entire term.

Well not directly I suppose, but if there's another adult living there surely she should contribute. I guess if her OH chose to pay for her that's OK, but what I meant was that OP shouldn't be expected to subsidise someone else's adult child. I wasn't suggesting she invoice her.

@SouthernLassies Really? This is what concerns you, my choice of terminology for when someone is unalived, brown bread, kicked the bucket, snuffed it, croaked etc…?

“Pass” is a synonym of “die”, I have used the correct word for me. I am not writing in a professional or academic capacity (where “passed, pass on passed away” could actually still be used and it’s good to use a synonym or two so that your vocabulary and writing doesn’t become monotonous), nor did I use slang.
I am commenting in a chat forum where it’s lucky if you get a full sentence without abbreviations. 😆

I don’t even know you for you to be concerned with my preference of words nor understand why you cannot comprehend that in this context and situation there really was no need for you to mention such a thing.

And mirror wills and mutual wills are different so please ensure you have the correct information before commenting seeing as you want to act uppity.

Seriously it’s a chat forum and there really is no need for anyone to comment on the structure of sentences, grammar, terminology or spelling especially as these people are strangers.
@SouthernLassies you have made me laugh so much with your attempt to make someone else look stupid and it turns out that actually you are with your small mind.

You could ring fence the existing equity and then have defined shares of the property as Tennant's in common, you could then will your share, small now but worth more in the future to your son's. You should both have a right of survivorship which you have to specifically write into the agreement/will. If he's not interested in sharing the house equity in the future then I'd be considering using a significant portion of that money to save/invest/build up a deposit for your sons.