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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried my Sons will be left with nothing

574 replies

JaffaCake70 · 14/08/2023 09:10

My Husband and I are both early 50s and have been married just over a year (together 3 years in October).

Before we met I had been renting private accommodation. When we married I moved into my Husband's house which he had been paying the mortgage on for around 5 years, he had also paid a large deposit when he moved into the property as he had sold a previous property. We now both contribute to the mortgage and all other household expenses. We re-mortgaged to the tune of £10,000 to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

We haven't really had any serious conversations about finances apart from the agreement of how much I would pay into the home but now I'm starting to worry. I know I need to speak to my Husband about the things I'm about to discuss with you, but I just wanted to see if anyone can advise me where I stand legally before I have the conversation.

My Husband has an adult Son and Daughter, his Daughter lives with us, I have 2 adult Sons, neither of whom live with us.

We both have decent pensions, if anything should happen to him before he cashes his, I would receive it and vice versa (he would receive mine). This has all been put into place.

He has told me that if he should die before me, the proceeds of the house are being split 3 ways between me, his Son and his Daughter.

My worry is: What is being left to my Sons should I die first?

This is really playing on my mind because the way it looks to me on paper is that they wouldn't get anything.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Can I split my pension 3 ways so that my Sons get a 3rd each?

What will happen to my 3rd of the house if I were to die first? I am now paying into the house, surely my Sons should be entitled to something in the event of my death? How does it work though? For example, if I were to die in 10 years time (God forbid) but my Husband then went on to live for another 20 years, maybe even marries again, what happens to my 3rd of the property?

I'm really worried that I've put my Sons in the position of not receiving anything at all if I were to die before my Husband. I don't have any savings to bequeath to them, the only money I have of my own is my pension.

Do I have any legal standing in stating that I want my 3rd of the property to be divided between my Sons in the event of my death. I still feel it's a little unfair that my Sons would be receiving less than my Husband's children (as in his children would still receive a 3rd each, my Sons would have to share my 3rd).

I'm stressing myself out with all of this, I know I need to speak to my Husband but don't want to come across as money grabbing as I'm really not. I just want to know that my Sons will be provided for financially in the event of my death.

YABU - Your Sons should not be entitled to anything from the house

YANBU - You work just as hard as your Husband and are now paying an equal amount into the home therefore your Sons definitely are entitled to a percentage of the house.

But more than YA/YANBU opinions, please can anyone advise as to what I should do/say in this situation?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
anonymousxoxo · 15/08/2023 13:49

poetryandwine · 15/08/2023 13:35

No. The real issue is

Our stepmother has been paying an unknown amount towards our DF’s mortgage for 3 years and is expected to keep doing so. If she and DF both live a long time she may have substantial unrecognised equity in the house, money that could have been invested for her sons.

What is fair to everyone in terms of inheritance?

Show quote history

She shouldn't pay towards mortgage, she should pay her half of the bills as she would be when renting.

Smellslikesummer · 15/08/2023 13:58

SouthernLassies · 15/08/2023 13:09

To clarify my opinion.

I do not believe the OP should be considering her sons' potential inheritance in the way she describes it. They are not on equal terms with her H's children.

However, SHE is entitled to some equity in the home, as she is paying towards it (although it looks as if the money is going to her H, who might be spending it on beer and fags!)

If, as an example, she pays £1K a month for a year= £12K. If, she carries on paying that until the mortgage is cleared (let's say 10 years just as an example) she will have contributed £120,000.

So at the very least she is entitled to a return of that investment, plus or minus growth.

Because if she saved £12K pa in some account, for 10 years, she'd have that as savings.

It's then up to her what she does with it.

But in your example she would also be paying bills, rent etc, no? Wouldn’t she use the 1k a month for this, leaving her with nothing after the 10 years?

twoandcooplease · 15/08/2023 14:48

I would like to know why he said you were in the mortgage when you are not...

anonymousxoxo · 15/08/2023 14:49

twoandcooplease · 15/08/2023 14:48

I would like to know why he said you were in the mortgage when you are not...

He lied to shut her up

Nevermind31 · 15/08/2023 15:42

I think the discussion you need to have is… you don’t want to rent from your husband. You would rather sell the house and buy a new property together, ownership split by what each of you are bringing to the table (or ring fencing his deposit).
you do not have an automatic right to his house - and if you had not married him and continued renting then you also would have worked hard, but your sons wouldn’t see a penny.
it doesn’t matter that your husband inherited- you are still benefiting from your husband’s money (in that you are now contributing to. Mortgage rather than renting) and you want your children to benefit when, had you not married, you also wouldn’t leave anything to them

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/08/2023 16:59

She shouldn't pay towards mortgage, she should pay her half of the bills as she would be when renting

That would work, yes - but then she isn't provably paying towards the mortgage if she's not named on it (or on the title deeds come to that)

She might feel as if she's paying part of the mortgage, but could potentially have a hard time evidencing this if her DH has done what women are constantly advised to do and deliberately kept it in his name only

anonymousxoxo · 15/08/2023 17:38

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/08/2023 16:59

She shouldn't pay towards mortgage, she should pay her half of the bills as she would be when renting

That would work, yes - but then she isn't provably paying towards the mortgage if she's not named on it (or on the title deeds come to that)

She might feel as if she's paying part of the mortgage, but could potentially have a hard time evidencing this if her DH has done what women are constantly advised to do and deliberately kept it in his name only

It’s in his name only and that’s guaranteed. He’s ring fenced it and protected it. He already has will written up. That’s guaranteed.

I just wish women were this financially minded.

She only moved in because she was renting and it’s his house, plus married.

I wouldn’t want someone else (except husband) paying towards mortgage otherwise they’ll claim they have a stake in it and part. The reality is my husband has contributed 50% and plays a part in maintaining the property and cleaning it. He’s always thinking of new things to do like tiling and does it himself without my help. He pays for this. It’s the little things for me. Plus, long marriage.

Nononsensemumsy · 15/08/2023 18:27

You need to see a solicitor who will be able to go through your options. They can probably do a declaration of trust governing the property and how it should be dealt with on the death of either of you. You’ll both have to agree and sign the document and so you need to speak to you DH sooner than later.

Islandgirl68 · 15/08/2023 18:30

The problem is people don't read things properly. Yes your DH paid A big deposit, and the first 5 years of the mortgage, but there is still probably anotherv20byears to pay and yiu are now paying g your share of the mortgage, make sure you have a paper trail of your contributions. You have paid in and are entitled to a shate of the property. So you are entitled to leave your share to your sons, with a caviat that your husband can live in house till he dies then the children will inherit the house. Definitely get legal advice. Good luck.

Hoppysue · 15/08/2023 18:34

if your name is not on the deeds and he invested a large chunk into the house, legally you are not entitled to anything. The most I would imagine you could claim would be a percentage of any increase in value between when you were named on mortgage until now. Just remember that any will drawn up doesn’t really protect you and can be changed at anytime. Your DH is being generous giving you a third split but that is for you not your children you had with a previous partner. He has no responsibility for them. Your best bet is to draw up a Deed of Trust which will be registered with the land registry and will state what percentage of the property is yours and what percentage is his

Rainsdropskeepfalling · 15/08/2023 18:42

I think someone has already explained but I can't find it - if the OP's husband dies would she need to buy out the husband's kids shares in the house or move out so the house can be sold so they get their share?

1Raisedeyebrow · 15/08/2023 18:46

I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned it yet but you can do a “mutual will” which will protect him and his children and yourself
and yours.

If he was to pass away first as his wife you could receive nearly everything and if you were inclined to you could not leave anything to his children on your passing.

I would be inclined to look into a mutual will where you both set the terms and they cannot be changed when one of you pass away. That way you are all at peace rather than dealing with “what if’s”.

There is also something called a mirror will where you both agree to the same things and promise not to amend upon the death of another I think

Do seek legal advice

Blueblell · 15/08/2023 18:52

I think you need to discus this with your husband and either you don’t pay towards the mortgage and use that money to invest elsewhere. Or look into leaving part of your pension to your sons.

Blueblell · 15/08/2023 18:53

I agree you should be leaving something to your sons but need legal advice about what is the best option.

Tinkertailor21 · 15/08/2023 18:58

The father of her children died, for goodness sake. It is not neccessarily easy to get on the property ladder as a single parent.

anonymousxoxo · 15/08/2023 19:06

Reality is he has the power. He paid deposit, the mortgage is in his name and he's ringfenced the lot. Written a will most likely.

Step children have no rights, biological children do.

Poppingmad123 · 15/08/2023 19:25

It doesn’t sound like you are on the mortgage or the deeds. It also isn’t clear how much of the mortgage is left so how many more years would you contribute before it is paid off?

Nor have you said whether you and your husband contribute equal amounts to the mortgage and other bills.

The only thing you have at present is your pension which you can share equally with your sons.

Anything else needs to be clarified.

chocorabbit · 15/08/2023 19:25

Did you actually mean that he put you on the deeds and not the mortgage? You can go online and check the deeds for any property, including his.

I have read many times here that you can register your interest on a property if you make mortgage payments or pay bills so maybe this way you can be added on the deeds with a small proportional percentage? Have you been paying bills by direct debit or the mortgage directly on the mortgage account so you can prove it? Or is it just money in his account which proves nothing?

The thing is he can change his will any time but your name on the deeds can't change. Also, I believe after you have married any previous will is now void.

I am not a legal expert!!!

I know of a family whose elderly mother died 2 years ago and now the father has remarried. But before he remarried his adult children made him sign all his assets to them. Most people prioritise their own children.

SouthernLassies · 15/08/2023 19:36

Smellslikesummer · 15/08/2023 13:58

But in your example she would also be paying bills, rent etc, no? Wouldn’t she use the 1k a month for this, leaving her with nothing after the 10 years?

Show quote history

I am not going to get into these nonsensical arguments about comparing it with rent.

The OP is married. she isn't renting so just drop all that silliness.

As are the comments that if she could pay £1K a month towards the mortgage, she could get her own mortgage (this is laughable ,as the same poster suggesting that has banged on about the need for a deposit to buy a house, which the OP doesn't have.)

(And also £1K a month for a 1 bedroom flat is very common indeed in many parts of the UK. So people thinking it's some kind of high rent are living in a fantasy world or live in a very cheap area.

OP thinks she is contributing to a mortgage.
That was the basis of her question. If she isn't, then she needs to be clear on it.

The simple point is that if she is contributing, to a mortgage , (as her H has said) she would expect some return on her investment in the future.

Not enough to give her sons a huge sum, but certainly something when the house is sold if her H dies first.

Having said all of this, it's a very odd marriage where the OP appears not to have the foggiest about where she stands financially.

ElizaAgainn · 15/08/2023 19:37

Sounds like he's put the vast majority of money into the house and therefore most of it is his to dispose of.

But what would concern me is that if he dies first (which is most likely to be the case) then he'd be putting you in a position of having to buy two-thirds of the house off his children and chances are you couldnt afford that. So, if it's an "ordinary" level house (ie not an expensive mansion) then you really need a provision in there that, whichever one of you dies first = the other one gets to continue living in the house until they die too. That way there won't be one of you (most likely you) left homeless.

Josephine1966 · 15/08/2023 19:37

If he died before you and left you the house. How would you split it?

SouthernLassies · 15/08/2023 19:39

@1Raisedeyebrow I think they are called mirror wills - they are identical.

Please can we use the correct word which is 'die' not 'pass'.

Wemetatascoutcamp · 15/08/2023 19:55

OP this is really complicated and a delicate situation to approach as things could easily be taken the wrong way by your husband or his children.
I do think you are being unreasonable to expect a share of the house to go to your children because

  1. you didn’t have anything to leave them yourself anyway so they are in the same position they would have been anyway- unless i’m missing something?
  2. surely your paying less to contribute to the household you have together than you were paying when you had your own property? Can you not put the difference into a savings account if you want to leave your children something?
  3. the remortgage was to cover your wedding not anything to do with the house- it doesn’t cancel out £10,000 of the deposit (which I think you said in the thread) its just a cheaper way (?) of taking out a loan which i’m guessing you agreed you’d pay 50:50 of the wedding so in affect your needing to pay back £5,000 + interest of your husbands mortgage as he wouldn’t have had those costs without the wedding. Depending on how much your paying towards the mortgage- how long will it take to pay that back?

However you do need to know more about household finances and wills etc that isn’t unreasonable. And i’m sure your husband will understand that you don’t want your children to receive less than they would have if you hadn’t gotten married- maybe pensions should have been left as they were. And you defo need to make sure you know where you stand if your husband should go first.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 15/08/2023 19:55

If you are not on the mortgage, (and if you were you would remember signing the forms to do this) then the house is his alone and he obviously wants to leave it only to his DC, not yours. Change your pension trust details if possible and leave all of it to your DC, and separate life insurance if you can afford it, with them as beneficiaries. Pay your share of the bills only though, not towards the mortgage.

fridaynight1 · 15/08/2023 20:04

OP How much was his deposit ? He should probably ring fence that for his kids. The rest I presume is mortgage. Are you contributing a fair share each ie a percentage of each of both salaries?

You really need to have a conversation about finances with your DH before you start harping on about your children’s inheritance.