Worried my Sons will be left with nothing

[JaffaCake70]

My Husband and I are both early 50s and have been married just over a year (together 3 years in October).

Before we met I had been renting private accommodation. When we married I moved into my Husband's house which he had been paying the mortgage on for around 5 years, he had also paid a large deposit when he moved into the property as he had sold a previous property. We now both contribute to the mortgage and all other household expenses. We re-mortgaged to the tune of £10,000 to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

We haven't really had any serious conversations about finances apart from the agreement of how much I would pay into the home but now I'm starting to worry. I know I need to speak to my Husband about the things I'm about to discuss with you, but I just wanted to see if anyone can advise me where I stand legally before I have the conversation.

My Husband has an adult Son and Daughter, his Daughter lives with us, I have 2 adult Sons, neither of whom live with us.

We both have decent pensions, if anything should happen to him before he cashes his, I would receive it and vice versa (he would receive mine). This has all been put into place.

He has told me that if he should die before me, the proceeds of the house are being split 3 ways between me, his Son and his Daughter.

My worry is: What is being left to my Sons should I die first?

This is really playing on my mind because the way it looks to me on paper is that they wouldn't get anything.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Can I split my pension 3 ways so that my Sons get a 3rd each?

What will happen to my 3rd of the house if I were to die first? I am now paying into the house, surely my Sons should be entitled to something in the event of my death? How does it work though? For example, if I were to die in 10 years time (God forbid) but my Husband then went on to live for another 20 years, maybe even marries again, what happens to my 3rd of the property?

I'm really worried that I've put my Sons in the position of not receiving anything at all if I were to die before my Husband. I don't have any savings to bequeath to them, the only money I have of my own is my pension.

Do I have any legal standing in stating that I want my 3rd of the property to be divided between my Sons in the event of my death. I still feel it's a little unfair that my Sons would be receiving less than my Husband's children (as in his children would still receive a 3rd each, my Sons would have to share my 3rd).

I'm stressing myself out with all of this, I know I need to speak to my Husband but don't want to come across as money grabbing as I'm really not. I just want to know that my Sons will be provided for financially in the event of my death.

YABU - Your Sons should not be entitled to anything from the house

YANBU - You work just as hard as your Husband and are now paying an equal amount into the home therefore your Sons definitely are entitled to a percentage of the house.

But more than YA/YANBU opinions, please can anyone advise as to what I should do/say in this situation?

But she's not paid a penny, the remortgage for the wedding was in her the name. Very grabby. She needs to plan any inheritance for her children herself, not take from a man who she's only just married.

@SouthernLassies FYI my parents are immigrants and working class who worked very hard to put their children through university to get better job prospects and salaries.. They also had their own home which they worked tirelessly for and saved deposit to get then pay the mortgage off.

I'm not sharing their 30+ years of hard work for their family who I've known for 3 years.

I'm working hard to have my own assets to pass on and will ring fence it, so only my biological children will get it.

Not my problem if someone else earns low, they have options and means to improve their situation

Example: I'm doing a masters to improve my career prospects even further.

I agree. People like @SouthernLassies are saying he got inheritance and what?!?! That's presumably his parents hard work.

Who is penalising you? For what?

You do understand that not everyone can go to university? There is such a thing as distribution of intelligence across the population.

All your posts are achieving is making you look big headed and without any real understanding of other people.

Op how much are you paying? How much of this is for bills? How much is for the 10k loan? How much is actually paying off the mortgage? How much had he already paid? How much is he still paying?

distribution of intelligence but how is this my problem?

You look grabby tbh, no wonder men don't want to get married anymore.

OP has repeatedly ignored any questions about how much she is paying.

It wouldn’t surprise me if she’s paying less now than when she was renting-as she probably wouldn’t have moved in if a higher amount was suggested- but we won’t know until she bothers to actually respond.

Very surprised you happily took a loan for your wedding and are now worrying about their inheritance. You need to discuss with your DH and see a solicitor, they can advise on how to do the inheritance fairly

That's what i was thinking. It concerns me that she's just accepted his word for her being on the mortgage. How can anyone think that's OK? No lawyer? No bank? No papers?

And I can’t believe you can be married to someone and not have discussed this already. And I wouldn’t trust DH word that you’re on the mortgage or deeds- see it yourself

Exactly!

-believing you’re now on a mortgage document despite having never signed anything
-taking a loan of £10k out for a wedding because you deserve it as you haven’t had a wedding before, and THEN worrying you haven’t got anything to leave your kids-when you didn’t have anything to leave them in the first place.
-agreeing an amount to pay to move in with someone but not agreeing anything else.

It’s all bizarre.

It wouldn’t surprise me if she’s paying less now than when she was renting-as she probably wouldn’t have moved in if a higher amount was suggested- but we won’t know until she bothers to actually respond

Quite. What she is paying and what she is paying as a proportion of the mortgage and what she is paying as a proportion of the household expenses. Maybe she is contributing £800 a month to a mortgage that is £900 and maybe she will continue to do that for 25 years and people will say she’s entitled to fuck all because he’s lived there 5 years longer and paid the deposit and it’s less than her rent so what is she moaning about. Maybe she moved into a house that was 75% paid off and is contributing £150 a month to a £1000 mortgage and doesn’t pay any of the other bills. Maybe she thinks the mortgage is £1400 and she needs to transfer £700 a month but it’s actually only £500. We don’t know and I don’t think she does either.

No one is proposing to disadvantage the husband’s children, either. The OP is clear on this

Not sure how she's "clear on this" when almost the only thing she's said about them - and repeatedly - is why should they benefit from what she's paid rather than her own kids?

And she's not "giving them money" since as things stand it's not theirs and may never be, depending on what happens in future. As said, the current financial arrangements are between OP and her DH and inheritance for the DCs is a whole separate issue best dealt with by taking professional advice

Interesting that the DH had a previous partner who apparently lived with him and paid nothing though. Understandable that he won't want to make that mistake again, and while there's no suggestion at all that OP should do the same, it might also inform his reaction to OP wishing to line things up for her own adult DCs who aren't his

It’s irrelevant if he worked hard for the deposit or inherited it.

He probably wants to protect his deposit/assets etc for his DC. Then you have a starting point for all the DC including yours.

Are you contributing towards bills or are you helping pay towards the mortgage plus bills?

You will both need to see a solicitor to sort out your wills once you establish the facts behind the home ownership and the mortgage.

This has the potential to get very messy and bitter in the event of a death.

inheritance isn’t necessarily guaranteed. Care fees eat up a lot of potential inheritance money

OP I asked upthread along with a few other people - surely you can't genuinely believe you've been added to something as important and binding as a mortgage without so much as signing anything?

If you haven't signed something and haven't spoken directly to the mortgage provider to discuss your financial situation and the terms, you absolutely haven't been added to the mortgage.

Do you realise that?

Which means if he's said you have been added to it, but none of the above has happened, he has lied.

@JaffaCake70 PLEASE will you come back and clarify a few points, even if it is only to say that you understand the advice here.

The main point is this:

Your husband has said that if he dies before you, the proceeds of the house will be split 3 ways.

Does this mean the house will be sold when you are alive and living in it?

If you are not a joint owner, and his will says that his children are the beneficiaries of 2/3rds of it, how would you stay in it?

Who is actually inheriting the house?

If it's as you wrote, the house would be sold and you would have to use your third to buy somewhere else .

And to say it again, unless £XXX is being paid directly each month to a mortgage provider (which you would set up as a DD) then you are not paying the mortgage.

You will be paying your husband.

You will not own any part of the house.

Do you understand what posters are telling you?

Can I ask why you aren't responding? You might be embarrassed, but not responding here means you aren't using the advice people are giving.

My Husband has said that my name is now on the mortgage, I haven't seen it with my own eyes but I do trust him.

This thread has been an interesting eye-opener tbh. You’re credulous? he’s lying? Hmmm, the dynamics here are difficult to decipher but something is very wrong.

Have you spoken to him today about the mortgage? How do you feel knowing he’s told you that you are on it, but you are almost certainly not?

Seriously check your pension...Mine can only go to a spouse or children under 18. Children over 18 have no rights to a parents pension (in most cases). Do check OP!

Made a solicitor appointment or spoken with your husband yet @JaffaCake70?

Any further forward in understanding the finances?

It does!!

Inheritance isn’t necessarily guaranteed. Care fees eat up a lot of potential inheritance money

Indeed - which is why I suggested the future's uncertain and the money may not necessarily pass to anyone's sons

It's also true that OP's said little about how much she's paying and what % it forms of the costs. Depending on amounts, maybe it would work better if DH covered the mortgage and OP paid utilities/food - an unusual thing to do within a marriage perhaps, but it's certainly what I'd suggest if I thought someone was eyeing up my own son's inheritance for theirs

Not at all unusual I don’t think. DH owned his home before I moved in. He carried on paying the mortgage and I contributed to bills. He could easily afford it all and didn’t expect anything from me but I wanted to pay my way. Lots of couples in similar situations have the same set up.

When talking about wills when we had been married for around a year, I made it clear that I didn’t see myself as having any entitlement to the flat, but my only concern is making sure our baby DS is protected. It just felt grabby that I saw myself as having an entitlement when we had just got married and my contribution to the household was low. Now that we have a house that I have also contributed to, in terms of deposit and mortgage, it’s a different situation.

Sounds sensible to me, @GoingGoingUp, but I know many feel that, once married, absolutely everything should "belong" to both

To my mind the difference in your situation is that the DC you rightly wanted to protect is yours and DH's ... a somewhat different position to OP's, where she'd like to include adult DCs who aren't even her DH's

I guess that ideally all the DCs would be regarded as one big family, but it hardly seems to be OP's approach, where "Why should they benefit" may suggest a very clear resentment

I agree. OP’s situation is far from a blended family but OP expects her children to be treated somewhat the same as her husband’s children, completely ignoring that she has contributed barely anything so far. She is in no worse of position having married her DH, but sees her sons as hard done by because her husband’s children will have an entitlement.

Both have adult children so unlikely to be playing happy families in a true sense. Some friendships may form over time.

The op is right to get this sorted but needs to prepare herself for some difficult conversations. A friend of mine was in a similar situation with a late marriage but they both had considerable assets that they ring-fenced for their own children. They bought their home on an even split and pay in the same amount into a pot for ‘living’ expenses.

But op has a different situation so they both need legal advice.