Worried my Sons will be left with nothing

[JaffaCake70]

My Husband and I are both early 50s and have been married just over a year (together 3 years in October).

Before we met I had been renting private accommodation. When we married I moved into my Husband's house which he had been paying the mortgage on for around 5 years, he had also paid a large deposit when he moved into the property as he had sold a previous property. We now both contribute to the mortgage and all other household expenses. We re-mortgaged to the tune of £10,000 to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

We haven't really had any serious conversations about finances apart from the agreement of how much I would pay into the home but now I'm starting to worry. I know I need to speak to my Husband about the things I'm about to discuss with you, but I just wanted to see if anyone can advise me where I stand legally before I have the conversation.

My Husband has an adult Son and Daughter, his Daughter lives with us, I have 2 adult Sons, neither of whom live with us.

We both have decent pensions, if anything should happen to him before he cashes his, I would receive it and vice versa (he would receive mine). This has all been put into place.

He has told me that if he should die before me, the proceeds of the house are being split 3 ways between me, his Son and his Daughter.

My worry is: What is being left to my Sons should I die first?

This is really playing on my mind because the way it looks to me on paper is that they wouldn't get anything.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Can I split my pension 3 ways so that my Sons get a 3rd each?

What will happen to my 3rd of the house if I were to die first? I am now paying into the house, surely my Sons should be entitled to something in the event of my death? How does it work though? For example, if I were to die in 10 years time (God forbid) but my Husband then went on to live for another 20 years, maybe even marries again, what happens to my 3rd of the property?

I'm really worried that I've put my Sons in the position of not receiving anything at all if I were to die before my Husband. I don't have any savings to bequeath to them, the only money I have of my own is my pension.

Do I have any legal standing in stating that I want my 3rd of the property to be divided between my Sons in the event of my death. I still feel it's a little unfair that my Sons would be receiving less than my Husband's children (as in his children would still receive a 3rd each, my Sons would have to share my 3rd).

I'm stressing myself out with all of this, I know I need to speak to my Husband but don't want to come across as money grabbing as I'm really not. I just want to know that my Sons will be provided for financially in the event of my death.

YABU - Your Sons should not be entitled to anything from the house

YANBU - You work just as hard as your Husband and are now paying an equal amount into the home therefore your Sons definitely are entitled to a percentage of the house.

But more than YA/YANBU opinions, please can anyone advise as to what I should do/say in this situation?

Oh, and also. Husband didn't 'work hard' to save deposit for house. He inherited a property, sold that and put deposit on current house.

That is not to say that my Husband doesn't work hard, he does, as do I!

-Check through paperwork to ensure you are on the deeds.
-Seek legal advice. Some do free 30 minute consultations or try Citizzens Advice Bureau
-THEN when you have all of the above info, have a chat with your husband. Simply because you need to have the facts, you don't have to tell him you've been for legal advice, you just need to be fore armed as you don't want it all to be brushed aside by him.

It's still his money 😬

I do find your posts quite woolly - you keep saying you are "paying into the house "

What exactly do you mean by this ?

Contribution to bills , or the mortgage ?

How much of the mortgage ?

You say you are working hard "contributing to the house" but that is very none specific .

This. Also, speak to a lawyer. You need wills done together. They are called 'mirror wills' for married couples, otherwise one of you will be leaving behind a total mess for the people left.

Also, life insurance isn't a guarantee payment, mine only runs until age 60.

This

Tho house was mine before I met dh and mortgage paid off

So he can live there till he dies but has no rights on house as will go to our daughter

You are contributing to mortgage

But his children prob won't be happy losing 1/3 inheritance

Maybe get a life insurance policy for your son if you die

Mirror wills won’t work in your situation. They only work in simple situations for married, partnered people. It’s when one dies everything goes to the other.

im married and because dh has kids we need wills tailored to cater for his kids so they don’t lose out by him dying me inheriting everything and deciding not to leave them anything.

T certain PP’s: the OP has not suggested that her sons are entitled to the same share as her husband’s children. Not in her OP or elsewhere. She simply wondered how they would be protected if she died. The most they would ever do is split her own 1/3 share of the house, half of what the husband’s children get. OP is fine with that.

The only reason OP speculated about splitting her pension was to remedy the fact that her sons are currently unprotected if she dies first, while she is enhancing her stepchildren’s inheritance by paying into the property. She isn’t planning it to gain advantage.

Think what you like but don’t misrepresent what the OP wrote. For those who haven’t RTFT, I refer to the PP’s summary of the original post.

The main PP referred to above is @YerArseInParsley

Compassion isn't part of your psyche is it @anonymousxoxo ?

Not every woman can afford to buy a house on her own when her partner dies and she has two kids to bring up alone
Heard of the gender pay gap?
Heard of house prices in the south east?

If you are lucky enough to live in the north where housing is dirt cheap, well done.

If you are fortunate to have been to uni, or have skills and an education that mean you are paid a good salary, life has dealt you a good card.

But not all women are like you.

You suggest the money she pays each month is rent. The argument that 'rent' doesn't mean someone will own a property is a ridiculous, illogical point.

It doesn't matter that her H had a deposit.
Why you bang on about that is nonsense.

What matters is that she appears to be going to be homeless in old age if his will is carried out as he wants.

But you seem unable to grasp simple facts.

It looks like your husband has more to worry about with his children being financially disadvantaged if he dies first.

Why, @resilienceabloodygain ? Currently the husband appears to be sole owner of the property with 2/3 willed to his DC.

There are too many posters on here who seem unable to understand the situation. That includes the OP.

Unless his will says the OP has a lifetime interest in the house, it will be sold when he dies and she will get a third of the value.

Depending on its value, her 1/3rd may not be enough to buy another home. At which point she could be in her late 70s or 80s.

Her sons' inheritance is a red herring (she needs to see it as that.)

The main point is that she could be homeless.

Second marriages (although she says neither of them were married before but the point still applies), usually have a different inheritance distribution .

A family friend was in this situation. She did own a house ( as a widow in her 40s.) She married another widow and moved into his home as it was larger.

He died first, and his will stated that she could live in the house till her death but his sons would inherit it, which they did and sold it.

Yes you need to speak to him but you also need to do your own homework. Don't just take his word. You need evidence too.

And if you're not benefiting, I would think about reducing your monthly payment.

I don't understand this thing of you.owning 1/3 which you can pass.on to.tlyour children.

As far as I understand, OP will inherit 1/3 if her DH dies before she does.
This does not mean she already owns 1/3.

So if she dies before him, she will not have 1/3 to pass on.

OP, you need to get some facts.

How much is left to pay on the mortgage, and how long for?

Is your name on the mortgage? Unlikely because you would have had to apply for this and complete some paperwork.

Is your name on the deeds? If so, are you tenants in common or joint tenants. If tenants in common, how much do you own?

Without this information everything else is guesswork.

Find this out then decide what you want to do next.

Just tell him what you have told us. Then report back to us 🤣

Yes it is 100% his money, at no point did I say it wasn't. I was merely correcting a previous poster who'd stated that my Husband worked hard to pay the deposit. This is factually incorrect. My Husband IS a hard worker but the deposit was paid from the proceeds of a property he inherited from a family member. Therefore the deposit wasn't paid via my Husband's hard work. I am stating fact here.

At no point did I state that it wasn't his money so I don't understand why you would imply that I did 🤔

You need to see paperwork you're on the mortgage

You also should have discussed this before you got married.

@JaffaCake70 your post has attracted some really odd responses. (Even by mumsnet standards).

Some posters appear to be extreme/goady, wilfully miss the point or are unable to grasp the point. Disregard them.

As many people have suggested,
speak to a lawyer who can extract the necessary, detailed information.

Yanbu to want some transparency, clarity and honesty. If you are paying a mortgage yanbu to expect a percentage stake in the house you're paying towards.

The main fact is he worked hard for years and saved deposit, equity and maintained a house. Owning a house is expensive e.g. repairs.

You spent your years renting and that's where you went wrong.

If you didn't meet this man, you wouldn't have any inheritance to pass on then what?

I see people my age wasting money on designer clothes, holiday and thousands on wedding then alcohol and take aways then wonder why they don't have enough for deposit. Complain driving lessons are too expensive. As an example, when I was at university I worked and put my money on driving lessons and test. Then, I got a job which is 35+ miles a way (have to travel for work occassionally) so got a cheap banger that will get me to A to B.

People prioritise what is important to them.

I don't drink, smoke or spend loads on designer clothes/holiday etc as an example because I wanted to own my own house and saved for deposit.

I also stayed in full time work to progress and get promotions which can be used for my house.

I've got my house now, so can spend little freely if I'd like.

After all that hard work, I'm not sharing my money or what I prioritised to someone who didn't.

I think he is bullshitting, if you haven’t done the paperwork then you are not on the mortgage. If you are not in the mortgage then the chances of being on the deeds is close to zero - it’s a ballache to change deeds on a mortgaged property and involves solicitors and signatures and you would have been aware. I’d bet my own house that you aren’t protected in the will. I think he’s a liar.

I think what would be fair in the blended family late (currently short) marriage situation would be to calculate what percentage of the property your DH owned outright wrt the value of the property at the time of the marriage (or whenever you started contributing financially). If the house was worth £300k at the time and his deposit and mortgage payments totalled £100k then we’ll say on third of the house belongs to him outright. This would leave £200k mortgaged and if you are paying roughly 50% of household costs then ultimately you are your dh will own that proportion of the house between you and should be free to leave that to your own descendants. If the mortgage is still going to be substantial as you enter old age, or if what you will be entitled to on the sale isn’t going to cover your housing costs going forward then you absolutely need some protection in the will ie lifetime interest in the house. You also should prioritise your own savings because you live with someone who has casually lied to you about very important financial matters (and I suspect about his relationship history too - lived with a woman for TEN YEARS who didn’t or make any financial contribution… just doesn’t ring true. It’s what people say when they are pretending to be very casual and disinterested in financial gain, or are trying to come across as the good guy in a bad breakup. Had to borrow £10k for a wedding… I think a deep dive into his finances would be interesting. Have you ever seen his payslip? Do you have a joint account? Have you seen the mortgage payments leave the account or are you just taking his word for how much they are?)

@anonymousxoxo Maybe read the OP's update.
The deposit came to her H from an inheritance. (which is actually what I said may have happened, zillions of posts back.)

Your post about how well you have done yourself...wow!
You do understand that not everyone can go to uni, and earn a lot of money?

There are people who work in shops, care homes, factories, even nurses and teachers, etc etc who will never ever earn enough to buy their own home if they live in the SE.

You appear to despise anyone who isn't as intelligent as you and hasn't done what you did.

@JaffaCake70 It's good you are back as you've had a right old pasting here.

One reason for that is the lack of facts coming from you.

Are you willing to add more detail?

Have you spoken to your husband overnight?

For example does his will leave you with the right to stay in the house till you die?

How much are you paying to him each month?
Is it going into his account or is it going directly to Nationwide (or another building society) to pay off the mortgage?

If it's going to his accounts, then you are NOT paying the mortgage.

So what he received an inheritance? My parents own a home and I will get 33%, why should I share that with someone else? They're MY parents which means the money is mine.

shops, care homes, factories, even nurses and teachers and how is this my problem?

In this country, you can get student finance to improve your job prospects which is exactly what I did and I came from a working class family.

No one told them to go into those professions, why should I be penalised because I chose better and chose a career that has more money?

I don't despise, people need to be accountable for their choices.