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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanking

61 replies

Krickley · 13/08/2023 18:35

aibu or is this ok?

im 99% sure my DH had a wank on the sofa last night. I was in bed it was around midnight, my bedroom door was open. I heard what i thought was DH going i to the kitchen with keys but it was his belt jangling and i then heard him rip off lots of kitchen towel, clean himself up and zip trousers back up/do belt up. Yuk never heard him do that before but on the sofa??

he is so secretive with his phone. Idc if its porn but i do worry its more than that. He’s constantly texting and switched phone off if i walk into the room. I cannot get hold of his phone, he wouldn’t let me. Gives me side eye if hes texting to see if im looking. All makes me think something is going on. How can you tell if hes up to no good ?

OP posts:
BCBird · 13/08/2023 18:37

OP I hope you get to.the bottom.of tbis shifty behaviour

FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 13/08/2023 18:37

You're asking two different things here.

Your husband having a wank in private - fine.
Your husband possibly being unfaithful - not fine.

multisurface · 13/08/2023 18:37

Can't he have a wank?

StarlightLady · 13/08/2023 18:38

As a woman who regularly enjoys some "me time", I could hardly complain about a partner doing it. The needs are toatally differnet from 1:1 sex.

Chastened · 13/08/2023 18:38

Two different things, like a pp said. What is the significance of the sofa? Are you worried about staining?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/08/2023 18:38

If he wants to masturbate then why can't he?

Possible cheating is a separate issue.

Blankspace4 · 13/08/2023 18:38

Are you having regular sex? A wank is a normal part of human sexual desire, especially if not (and spoken as a woman not having regular sex at the moment!!)

TregunaMekoides · 13/08/2023 18:39

FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 13/08/2023 18:37

You're asking two different things here.

Your husband having a wank in private - fine.
Your husband possibly being unfaithful - not fine.

Exactly this.

readbooksdrinktea · 13/08/2023 18:40

Wanking fine. Cheating, if he is, not fine.

TomatoSandwiches · 13/08/2023 18:40

But wanking on the sofa? A communal area?

TregunaMekoides · 13/08/2023 18:42

TomatoSandwiches · 13/08/2023 18:40

But wanking on the sofa? A communal area?

So? People have sex on sofas and everything.

VinEtFromage · 13/08/2023 18:42

wank fine
on sofa fine (presuming he didn't aim at the sofa!)
porn (you say is fine)

possible cam girl - depends on how you feel about it (ignoring the politics around that)

possible affair - could be, but probably other indicators than a late night wank

BibbleandSqwauk · 13/08/2023 18:43

It was midnight..not the middle of the day. In and if itself, no issue, but I'd say you're probably right to have suspicions with the phone.

Allwork · 13/08/2023 18:43

The phone issue would upset me more than the wanking . The keeping the phone locked etc etc is as fishy as hell somethings not right

bonzaitree · 13/08/2023 18:43

Wanking on the sofa is weird if you could have kids who walk in. He’s probably better off wanking in the bathroom.

If it’s just you I don’t think that’s unusual at all. Very normal in fact.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 13/08/2023 18:44

FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 13/08/2023 18:37

You're asking two different things here.

Your husband having a wank in private - fine.
Your husband possibly being unfaithful - not fine.

This!

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 13/08/2023 18:46

Agree with pp. Is your concern wanking or potential cheating?

Wanking doesn't bother me I'd think he was either lying or there was an issue if my husband said he didn't do it. Sometimes it's easier/quicker/more effective to DIY! It doesn't mean he's not sexually attracted to you and can be part of a healthy sex life.

As for the phone, if his habits have suddenly changed then possibly could be a sign but, are you looking for potential signs because you think he's had some me time without you?

fairytalesRonlyinbooks · 13/08/2023 18:50

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

GoodChat · 13/08/2023 18:51

I don't see the issue with him wanking

tigger1001 · 13/08/2023 18:56

FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 13/08/2023 18:37

You're asking two different things here.

Your husband having a wank in private - fine.
Your husband possibly being unfaithful - not fine.

I agree with this. It's two separate issues.

DinoDough · 13/08/2023 18:58

Masturbation is normal and an excellent way to destress and get off to sleep.

Cheating is entirely different. What are you concerned about, that he is looking at porn or cheating?

gamerchick · 13/08/2023 19:05

OP you've been trying to ditch this bloke for a bit. He's allowed to wank. You wanted to kick him out, what happened?

Wildwildwoman · 13/08/2023 19:05

Maybe they are linked are you worried he's having phone sex with affair partner or wanking over her pics?

Lookingatthesunset · 13/08/2023 19:19

I'd kill my DH if he had his smelly bare arse out on my lovely sofa!!!

MeinKraft · 13/08/2023 19:20

Lookingatthesunset · 13/08/2023 19:19

I'd kill my DH if he had his smelly bare arse out on my lovely sofa!!!

Yes this is the bit that would annoy me 🤣