Wanking

[Krickley]

aibu or is this ok?

im 99% sure my DH had a wank on the sofa last night. I was in bed it was around midnight, my bedroom door was open. I heard what i thought was DH going i to the kitchen with keys but it was his belt jangling and i then heard him rip off lots of kitchen towel, clean himself up and zip trousers back up/do belt up. Yuk never heard him do that before but on the sofa??

he is so secretive with his phone. Idc if its porn but i do worry its more than that. He’s constantly texting and switched phone off if i walk into the room. I cannot get hold of his phone, he wouldn’t let me. Gives me side eye if hes texting to see if im looking. All makes me think something is going on. How can you tell if hes up to no good ?

Fine to masterbate but obviously not if it’s him chatting to someone else.

Would you feel comfortable asking about last night?

Wanking is absolutely fine, if I don’t feel like having sex I’ll actually suggest he should have a wank. It’s a perfectly normal thing to do and I would never have an issue with it. I agree with everyone else about the phone, that’s the main issue, not the wanking. He’s obviously doing something he’s either ashamed of or doing something he shouldn’t be doing.

I can look at my husbands phone anytime I want and vice-versa, I don’t obviously as I respect him and his privacy but this would raise my suspicion to the point that I would. I think you need to insist he lets you look at his phone before he has the chance to delete anything off it.

This!

Imagine your other half controlling you masturbating!

The wanking isn't the issue -The potential secrecy around his phone is- if he's sexting someone else.

Are you more bothered by the wanking or the potential cheating?

What’s wrong with him having a wank? Seriously?

Classic Mumsnet 😂

Many men disappear to the loo with their phones.

I'm sure they are not catching up with their emails!

The only bit that would bother me here is the secrecy around texting. That's not generally a good sign.

At least OP heard the rustle of kitchen roll being torn off.
Hopefully no staining.

Is it a leather sofa?

😂

Sure it's reasonable to have a wank in private. But I don't think @Krickley's necessarily asking two separate questions: unexplained behaviour is nerve-wracking in a partner, and can signal extra-marital shenanigans.

She's saying the sofa wank is a departure from usual behaviour, and relates it to the escalating phone secrecy. So, yes, I think there is cause for concern.

If it's porn, how do you feel about that? It's a hard No from me, but each woman has her own boundaries. If you're more or less okay with secret porn, where do you stop being okay - when it's one-to-one, when he's paying for it, when it's violent or underage?

Surely if you share a house EVERY space is communal?

Absolutely this!! (Sounds extreme to me hearing the jingling of trousers? GOOD LORD).

You must be new here. Are you not aware that a request needs to be authorised on MN!

Ive just cringed and also laughed my socks off at the responses to this 🤪🤣🤣

sorry i didnt word it well. Obviously there is nothing wrong with wanking but ive never known him to do that on the (leather 😉) sofa in the livingroom before! With it being school holidays my kids were milling around taking ages to go to bed, they were in bed but not asleep, hence me being awake and hearing his jangly belt!! Its just odd behaviour thats all. He would usually wank in the bedroom/shower/bathroom!

yeah i am more concerned over whether it was web camming/phone sex that type of thing. He almost angles his phone away from me if i walk in and hes texting away, giving me side eye to see if im looking. Quickly going onto different apps idk. Maybe im being paranoid 🤷🏻‍♀️

angles his phone away from me if i walk in and hes texting away, giving me side eye to see if im looking. Quickly going onto different apps

So HE feels like he's cheating. Maybe grab his phone, demand to look, share your anxiety, snoop???

Can you ask him when he turns his phone away from you, why he does it and ask for his phone to look?

Surely every room in the house is communal if they don't have separate bedrooms?

I agree with this. You just can't berate him for having some time alone. It's not a reflection on you OP.

Presumably the area wasn't being shared at the time of the wank crime!

If you are wanking in a household with others you should be doing it behind a locked door or private bedroom, not on the sofa in the living room where anyone else can just happen upon you.
It is inconsiderate and a bit grim that you can't control yourself for 2 mins and get to the bathroom instead.

I agree with others. Wank- fine! Possible cheating absolutely not fine! Hope you get to the bottom of it!

Yes it is a bit weird to be wanking and taking risks that kids could see

I'd make it my mission to see that phone one way or another

Can you not talk to him and say
" hey. Are you ok ? Stressed? You took a risky wank the other night and are being secretive with your phone are you paying cam girls ? Blah blah ..."

then set your boundaries ie wanks behind locked doors , only online porn not ....
Be clear on what you consider the line is so he he knows if he crosses it the consequences would be ....