To think "gentle parents" are setting their kids up for a lifetime of friendlessness and struggling to hold down a job?

[ForestGoblin]

You get one chance to build the neural pathways that guide you for the rest of your life and if you don't learn that you're not the centre of anyone else's universe as a young kid you never will.

Then they're not gentle parenting.

YABU for lazily conflating gentle parenting with permissive parenting. As a general rule, people who read up on an approach like ‘gentle’ parenting and try to incorporate the principles tend to be more thoughtful and engaged parents. There is plenty of shit parenting around but I think you are looking in the wrong place.

Hahahaha - how childish to accuse someone of making something up because you don’t like what they are saying.

@loveandpoprockz I'm not saying PP made up the story. But she did make up that it's gentle parenting. The parent literally did and said nothing. That's not parenting of any kind. Let alone gentle.

It's just common sense parenting given a shitty name really! Most if not all parents do it by default.

Unless the child deserved the wallop in which case I'd say it was natural consequences in action

errr sorry you what?

It's not about never saying no, it's about being selective when you use it. If you're always saying no and never enforcing no it becomes meaningless. If you say no and mean it and stick to your no it has some weight to it and is easier to enforce.
This.

It takes a level of intentionality to decide what boundaries are going to be, what behaviours are expected in different situations, give children time to learn how to demonstrate the required behaviour and then decide in advance how behaviour issues will be responded to.

I was never one to get into a pointless power struggle about whether DC were or weren't wearing a coat. The non-negotiable is that when there's rain, we bring the coats with us. If it starts to rain a little when we are at the park, I'm not getting into a stupid argument over some drizzle. The coat is there for them to put on or not. They might have got a little wet sometimes, but it isn't going to kill them.
If we were half way up a mountain on a hike and the rain starts then it's not negotiable, coats are going on.
They're perfectly capable now of making their own choices and usually make the same ones I'd suggest.

So many parents are driven from an authoritarian mindset of policing arbitrary boundaries for no other reason than fear. It's like they're driven by a belief that children are inherently badly behaved or manipulative and need showing who's boss on principle (hence the conflicts and arguments about pointless shit because the parent has decided to start picking fights).

No, you accused ME of lying.

Fuck around and find out. Kid A winds up Kid B the the extent they get hit, then Kid A has learned you don't wind people up because you get hit and Kid B learns (via a telling off from parent) you don't hit people when they're winding you up.

aww feel a bit sorry for your friends – they’re obviously putting a lot of work and thought into doing what they think is the best to raise well-balanced people. This just made me feel sad to read this!

And obviously what a shame for the kids themselves and the kids who have to interact with them!

I dare you to tell them that 😁I think gentle parenting can be interpreted differently, just like the definition of strict parenting can be subjective too. No one owns the label or exact definition of gentle parenting but lots of people want to belong to that particular tribe. We all love to belong after all.

Yes drives me bonkers lol. So much of the hate directed at gentle parenting isn't even toward actual gentle parenting.

OK @loveandpoprockz I thought you were a different poster. I still didn't accuse you of lying. I'm sure it happened. I'm also sure it wasn't gentle parenting. THAT'S the piece you're making up. In your own head.

Where is the post saying ‘AIBU to think that authoritarian parenting is setting up kids for a lifetime of mental health issues?’

Funnily enough, never happens. I gentle parent and my DC are lovely kids. I was shouted at a lot and it has had its damaged, although my parents are amazing.

You can parent gently whilst not being permissive.

This is so true

Unfortunately you do get these posts on relationships. 9/10 the title is "Was this normal?". Hit, shouted at humiliated, a lifetime of abusive partners and they are adults wondering if it's them. Poor buggers.

Worked in childcare. The "gentle parenting" parents had hellspawn for children. Wouldn't obey the rules, ran riot, were utter nightmares time and time and time again. The parents would often have a little tinkly laugh "Oh no, no, you can't say that to him, we GENTLE parent in our household".

Kid B learns (via a telling off from parent) you don't hit people when they're winding you up

except apparently you tell them that it is also ok because it’s a “natural consequence”? . Funny you should think of violence as a “natural” phenomenon. Most people think it’s the consequence of human behaviour 🥴

The AIBU should be "AIBU to think society has grossly misunderstood the concept of gentle parenting and is damaging children as a result" because what everyone is describing is permissive parenting not gentle parenting

I have no kids but witnessed my friend bring her kids up using this method. It was great to see and the kids are truly lovely.

Cherry picking, I like it. I said my child is told we don't use violence then removed from the setting as their consequence. Violence doesn't go unpunished.

Momma Cusses is a great account to follow re examples of gentle parenting, and she talks about her journey from how she parented her first child (during an abusive relationship and its aftermath). Shes just very down to earth and practical, and gives herself grace for when its been a shit day, and a situation is not handled in the best way. I think 'logical parenting' is a great name for it!

I know two families where the children were gently parented. All the kids were a bit on the wild end of the spectrum as kids. But by mid teens all were mature and thoughtful and as adults are some most well adjusted community minded people I know. Done right, gentle parenting is a very good way to parent. Sadly I don’t have the patience for it, but that’s not to my credit!

This !!!!

mid consider myself a gentle parent. All of the people I know are also gentle parents. Some of us do well. Some of us dont

but I can tell you now that I think my children are wonderful. They’re not entitled. They can sit and speak to many of their peers and also adults

its calm. It’s confident. It’s no shouting

why do you think it doesn’t work? Do you think we don’t tell our children off? When in reality we do but we do so calmly. I’m not sure what’s wrong with that!

The AIBU should be "AIBU to think society has grossly misunderstood the concept of gentle parenting and is damaging children as a result" because what everyone is describing is permissive parenting not gentle parenting
This!

The problem is that acknowledging adults being adult enough to identify and be mindful of their own childhood experiences, to acknowledge that children are deserving of respect, and that calmly and authoritatively holding boundaries is better than losing your shit every day would require a lot of adults to be self-reflective. Not everyone wants to, or is able to do that.

It's like the smacking discussion. A not insignificant number of people will argue til they're blue in the face that they were given the odd smack or clip round the ear and it didn't do them any harm. I'd argue that if they are an adult who thinks being violent to children is acceptable, it HAS done them some harm.

Same with authoritarian models of parenting that rely on disrespect, humiliation, isolation and shame. People might say "in the good old days... And it didn't do me any harm", but I'd say that adults who feel a weird need to belittle, isolate, humiliate and shame young children HAVE been harmed by it.