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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my kids to drink mocktails or AF beer?

441 replies

Thesenderofthiscard · 13/08/2023 10:39

On holiday with grp of friends - oldest kids are 13, youngest 8.
the 5 teens have been asking for ‘mocktails’ when we’re out at cafes/ restaurants- Virgin bloody Mary’s, Virgin mojitos - and now the little one want them too.

I’m REALLY uncomfortable with this- Have said no to my teen so now I’m the worst parent in the world. I’m not happy with the normalising of drinking = fun or being ‘grown up’ at this age.
ine of the dad’s told me in need to get real, and for an AF beer for his 13 old son.
I ask him if he’d let his son have a ‘fake’ vale or cigarette and all he’ll broke lose.

oh, and not to mention these drinks are €8/10 a pop as they’re meant for no- drinking adults

YABU - lighten up! Let them feel like grown ups

YANBU - They’re too young to be pretending to drink.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 14/08/2023 22:12

I'm completely serious. People think that babyccinos are just harmless fun but they normalise the use of stimulants. I feel the same about sherbert dips and flying saucers which are clearly glamourising white powder

Pack it in @doroda 😂

CandyLeBonBon · 14/08/2023 22:13

I love a sherbet dib dab of a weekend!

HairyBanana · 14/08/2023 22:22

You normalise drinking with your own behaviour, not your child's. If you're drinking alcohol then they will see that as normal. I drink alcohol in front of my children because I want them to see it done responsibly, but then, if they want a drink of juice out of a wine glass to imitate me, that's fine. It's a child copying a grown up which is 100% normal.

If they want an £8 sugary drink with umbrellas in it, and you'd normally stretch to a similar budget for a dessert, then it doesn't seem unreasonable. It's certainly not a slippery slope to alcoholism, or even problematic teenage drinking. How many 16 year olds gather in parks to drink cocktails? 😂

Normalise responsible drinking and it being acceptable for adults to drink non-alcoholic drinks when out, by doing both yourself. Then let them grow up in their own way and make their own choices.

Kellyread · 14/08/2023 22:44

doroda · 13/08/2023 10:50

It's like when people give toddlers babyccinos, a real slippery slope to them developing a serious caffeine addiction.

They’re just warm milk! No caffeine involved.

doroda · 14/08/2023 23:13

Kellyread · 14/08/2023 22:44

They’re just warm milk! No caffeine involved.

Show quote history

THEY'RE A GATEWAY DRINK

TheWayoftheLeaf · 14/08/2023 23:23

I think mocktails are fine - they're just fun flavoured juices etc. like Shirley Temples are a mock tail I've had since I was small.

AF beer is just weird and gets them used to the taste which I wouldn't like. Maybe a shandy (the non alcoholic pop not the half lemonade beer).

TheWayoftheLeaf · 14/08/2023 23:29

Thesenderofthiscard · 13/08/2023 11:04

‘Bet you are being laughed at by the entire group....what does your kids Dad think/say?’

I doubt it, we’re good friends. The fact that I won’t spend €10 a pop on soda Mint and lime juice doesn’t seem to bother anyone else.
one family is making their kids go to bed by 10- despite all the other children being up. No-one cares. They feel their kids are better if they go to bed early. I think they should probably let them stay up as they’re awake anyway knowing the other children are up. But I’m not laughing at them. That’s their kids, their call.

This is fair enough if they're that expensive. You can get a lime and soda for about 50c if they're that keen

supersonicginandtonic · 14/08/2023 23:39

@depressionpitofdoom you do realise it's challenge 25 not 21 and it's also not illegal for a 16 or 17 year old to have certain alcoholic drinks with a meal in a restaurant, as long as it's bought by an adult? So I think you're talking rubbish 🙄

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 15/08/2023 00:20

It’s just mixed juice! YABU!

Mamanyt · 15/08/2023 01:10

When I was not yet a teen, way back in the 50s and earIy 60s, in the USA, the popuIar mocktaiIs were either the ShirIey TempIe or the Roy Rogers. And I had my fair share of them...aIthough onIy when we were dining out, not at home. When I was 16, I had tasted alcohol, at home, in a Iimited quantity, and there was a bottIe of rum that was "mine" in the cabinet. The ruIe was, ONE and ONE onIy, after aII home work is done. Dad fixed it, and it was on the VERY Iight side. On Friday night, I couId have two. Dad was very open with me about the dangers of overindulgence. SO, when my friends started sneaking out to drink, I'd Iaugh and say, "If I want a drink, I'II have it in my own Iiving room, and not be out in a car with one of you idiots." That served me very weII. In my Iater years, I enjoyed the occasionaI drink, but have onIy been drunk a handfuI of times in my entire 70 years.

I suppose this is to say, there is a vast difference between normaIizing drinking, and normaIizing over-drinking. If you are very sure of your abiIity to do the one without straying into the other, you may weII be fine.

And I see that this has resoIved itseIf. Amazing how so many things that are SO desirabIe Iose their Iuster when a kid's own money is invoIved! NiceIy done! I wiII post this anyway, because someone eIse might find it heIpfuI.

Qilin · 15/08/2023 01:30

supersonicginandtonic · 14/08/2023 17:09

Oh for goodness sake. Comparing mock tails to alcoholic drinks and candy sticks to cigarettes is as ridiculous as saying taking codeine is a slippery slope to using heroin 🙄

To be fair re candy sticks - the ones you got in the 70s really were fake cigarettes. Made to look like them in similar packaging. And the marketing to go with it.

Obviously they aren't marketed that way now.

Hettice · 15/08/2023 01:57

Yes, it's just juice, but it's disingenuous to think that this country doesn't have a fairly unique relationship with alcohol, and this thread highlights some of that.

The OP - and some other posters - have got some concerns over the implications of serving kids 'fake' cocktails. I knew it would be the usual pile-on, and 500 suggestions to 'lighten up,' but we're NOT France, or Italy, or Spain etc. and our drinking culture is often very different to those countries.

I don't see a problem with kids drinking cocktails, per se. However, I don't see a problem with questioning it, which is what the OP is doing.

I do wish more things like this could be debated in a more friendly way on MN. The rush to join the pile on is bloody annoying sometimes.

Hettice · 15/08/2023 01:58

*kids drinking MOCKtails... Grin

MrsMorrisey · 15/08/2023 03:35

I'm with you OP I would not allow that for my teens and they are too expensive anyway. Especially wouldn't allow that for an 8 year old.

CClaire · 15/08/2023 07:50

I let my 4yo have them on holiday 😬

Dogslife25 · 15/08/2023 08:05

I personally don't see any problem in kids having a fancy drink while on holiday, it's their holiday too right? Maybe not the AF beer there's no need for that, as a family we drink at home and social events in front of the kids, I let let them have a small glass at home and tbh they don't see all the hype, my oldest is now a well rounded 18 year old who only drinks when she goes out and wouldn't even have contemplated getting drunk in a field when she was younger because she didn't need to. Easing them in gently with a mocktail then maybe the odd cocktail at 16 rather than them turning 18 with no experience and them throwing the 'im an adult i can do what i want' in your face, that's a scary thought.

I do agree though that it's your decision and no-one else should belittle you on the way you bring up your kids, someone once told me to 'get a grip' when I said my 13 year old wasn't allowed to camp out, who knows what they'd get up to then 😬

Kellyread · 15/08/2023 08:18

doroda · 14/08/2023 23:13

THEY'RE A GATEWAY DRINK

Show quote history

Wow. They’re a treat. Not going to argue with a stranger on the internet about warm milk!

Threenow · 15/08/2023 08:29

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/08/2023 10:52

For everyone mocking the OP- Isn’t this why candy cigarettes are no longer a thing

I had a lot of candy cigarettes when I was young - I've never been a smoker, nor have any of my friends, who presumably also had them.

depressionpitofdoom · 15/08/2023 08:32

supersonicginandtonic · 14/08/2023 23:39

@depressionpitofdoom you do realise it's challenge 25 not 21 and it's also not illegal for a 16 or 17 year old to have certain alcoholic drinks with a meal in a restaurant, as long as it's bought by an adult? So I think you're talking rubbish 🙄

Our policy is think 21 - its on my work uniform and my badge, as well as the posters around the bar. Its also down to the licence that the restaurant holds. The restaurant I work in WILL land me a £10k fine and possible prison sentence if I am caught serving anyone under 18. I have done multiple training modules on this. I know my job but I'm sure you are one of the MANY people who kick off at the person refusing to serve someone without ID because you know their job better than they do and you don't really care that they can't afford to lose their job by going against the rules either.

maryberryslayers · 15/08/2023 08:38

CClaire · 15/08/2023 07:50

I let my 4yo have them on holiday 😬

Me too!

PinkTonic · 15/08/2023 08:54

Dogslife25 · 15/08/2023 08:05

I personally don't see any problem in kids having a fancy drink while on holiday, it's their holiday too right? Maybe not the AF beer there's no need for that, as a family we drink at home and social events in front of the kids, I let let them have a small glass at home and tbh they don't see all the hype, my oldest is now a well rounded 18 year old who only drinks when she goes out and wouldn't even have contemplated getting drunk in a field when she was younger because she didn't need to. Easing them in gently with a mocktail then maybe the odd cocktail at 16 rather than them turning 18 with no experience and them throwing the 'im an adult i can do what i want' in your face, that's a scary thought.

I do agree though that it's your decision and no-one else should belittle you on the way you bring up your kids, someone once told me to 'get a grip' when I said my 13 year old wasn't allowed to camp out, who knows what they'd get up to then 😬

I don’t see a problem with kids having a fancy drink on holiday either, in the same way they might get a fancier ice cream than at home. But that should be a fancy drink aimed at children, not a non alcoholic version of an adult drink.

Easing them in gently with a mocktail then maybe the odd cocktail at 16 rather than them turning 18 with no experience is ridiculous, given the amount of alcohol in most cocktails, especially as the long ones don’t taste particularly strong.

There is a strong contingent on MN that disagrees with the idea that some things are not for children (several recent examples in the ‘child hating’ threads and the outrage at the idea that a film about Barbie was not made for a child audience). And a lot of parents are lazy and can’t be arsed with the fallout from saying no.

doroda · 15/08/2023 09:04

Kellyread · 15/08/2023 08:18

Wow. They’re a treat. Not going to argue with a stranger on the internet about warm milk!

Show quote history

It's probably best if you don't 🤣

justasking111 · 15/08/2023 09:10

I loved buying Spanish Gold as a child but was never tempted to take up pipe smoking 😂😂

BUT I'm with the OP £10 is highway robbery for a childs drink

NosinaBook · 15/08/2023 09:26

I hardly ever drink, I enjoy one or two cocktails on holiday in summer and I love a wee mulled cider on Christmas Eve as tradition, however I do not like being drunk and hate the taste of the majority of alcohol. I used to hold my nose to gulp down alcohol as a teenager to get drunk but that phase didn't last long. Most drunk people are pain in arses. I get told I'm boring for not drinking by people who need to get drunk to enjoy themselves all the time but I don't care. When I go out I like to actually do something rather than just sit and drink. We go to comedy nights, live bands/concerts, murder mystery nights and dinner dances ...all sober. We used to go to a really good pub quiz too but the host moved on and it's not the same. It's been over 20 years since I last got drunk (accidentally) and my husband and I have never seen each other drunk. It's really over rated but I suppose some people find it hard to let loose without some help. I've never had that problem 😆

Bookworm20 · 15/08/2023 10:37

I wouldn't have an issue with a mocktail for a kid. They are on holiday and wanting a fancy drink.

I don't think it normalises drinking alcohol and they will turn into raging alcoholics, it just normaises the fact that when you're on holiday most people will treat themselves to a fancy drink with a meal out.

Kids have been mimicking adults for eternity. Most games they role play mimic adults - baby dolls, play kitchens, toy hoovers/cleaning stuff, play makeup, gardens, tool sets, dress up as firemen, doctors, police, soldiers etc. Its normal.

I don't think having a fancy mocktail on holiday to feel 'grown up' is any different. Its pretty innocent.

I remember one of mine aged around 7 coming downstairs in my jacket and shoes and some necklaces, putting her play makup on and then saying she really needs a cup of coffee while chatting on her toy phone. For which she was handed a mug of water and happily sipped away. Totally harmless kids play. An hour later and she was back to skipping in the garden.

But the cost - most definitely makes a difference and would be a no from me based solely on that! Just get a few different fruit juices in before you go out and some fancy glasses and let them concoct their own. Then its soft drinks only from the actual restaurant.