unfair of me to ask ex for more money?

[bluestarrsy]

We have a 20 month DD. Ex DP has a lot of issues and we parted on amicable terms. He struggles very much with his mental health and since the split four months ago he hasn’t seen DD. I’ve not pushed it, I know he’s got problems and isn’t coping too well.

However, he earns well. I earn ok and he’s on almost double that. When we split he agreed to pay me 800 a month to cover costs for DD. This seemed like a lot at the time and I was grateful (the maintenance calculator comes up with 30 quid less). But I’m suddenly realising that it doesn’t go far with nursery fees (currently 1,200 a month full time).

Would I be unfair to ask for more money? He has recently been sent to a v v expensive area for work and accommodation is not subsidised so I know he is now paying around 1,800 a month purely on rent costs (he sent me the link on Rightmove and it’s not even that nice!!).

I am not sure what to do. On the one hand I feel like he’s left me to cope alone but also I know he’s not a bad person he’s just got a lot of struggles. I can afford our life as it is but part of it feels unfair that I’m managing everything and will have to deal with all increased living costs alone.

He's too mentally unwell to see a baby HIS baby but he's well enough to hold down a well paid job??.

Yanbu ask him for more money. He doesn't get to walk away and abandon his child that easily. Presumably if you were still together he'd be paying half her nursery fees and half of everything else anyway.

@LoveThisUsername

So should op hand her baby over to him and just pay half the nursery fees?
Get a grip!

The thing is, if you decided to pack your job in, you’d have no nursery fees, probably a fair amount in benefits and still get £800 from him. That’s why the courts would not make the NRP pay a specific amount for nursery fees.

@Whattodo112222 maintenance is for whatever the RP uses it for. Mostly it goes into the household pot and isn't earmarked for particular things. Lots of NRPs have this idea that an RPs income in its entirety should be used for the children and if the RP dares to have a new car, or haircut, then it's "their" maintenance being spent. The idea that an NRP should contribute sufficient funds that the RP might have some of their own money left for themselves is anathema.

The CMS is exceptionally vague on what it is "meant" to contribute toward (they never use "cover" as there's no expectation that it would be enough on its own to cover anything). This leaves RPs and to be fair, sometimes NRPs in a difficult position of conflicting ideas with many saying it's the bare minimum and "extras" such as hobbies, uniforms, school trips, phone contracts etc ought to be split and others saying that's it, not a penny more.

Childcare is the huge, huge issue because it is such a large chunk of money, even after any gov contributions and tax free allowances and it does, in reality allow BOTH parents to work. I think it should absolutely be accounted for outside of the CMS calculation and billed separately. If the NRP doesn't like that, they can take up more responsibility and contact time themselves.