Do you have any complexes from childhood?

[Wagonwheel123]

Inspired by another thread.
I remember a classmate once telling me I smelt of B.O and since then I've had a thing about dousing myself in body sprays, perfume, anything to make sure I always smell 'nice' and that nobody could accuse me of smelling bad.
As a child I'd notice that my friends' houses were like showhomes. Always immaculately clean, everything was fresh and homemade.
My parents had slightly lower standards, they weren't hoarders nor did we live in filth, but their standards of cleanliness and tidiness were just slightly lower and they don't cook from scratch 100%. I remember an ex when we were 21 telling me my parents ' house was a little messy (quite rude of him tbh)
Anyway, if I ever stay over or holiday with friends (not that it ever really happens now) I have a thing about making sure my living space is very clean and tidy at all times, I have a complex about someone labelling me as dirty or unclean.
Quite sad really but I don't know how to stop these feelings , has anybody else got things like this?

I mean I wouldn't leave mess around my friends anyway*! But I mean I am very paranoid about making any sort of mess.

My mum telling me aged about 13 that I’d inherited “the legs” (apparently all the women in my family have fat legs). Never worn shorts since

My weight/food.

I was a chubby child who then struggled with eating low-level eating disorders/disordered eating through my teens and twenties.

I’m fine now in the sense that I’m in shape and my happiness doesn’t totally depend on my slimness. But I’m weird about food and will not be happy if I start to put on weight. I’ll miss meals on and off for a week until I’m the ‘correct’ size again. I don’t think I’ll ever be totally normal about food and weight.

It’s only just now dawning on me that other people don’t feel like this about weight - that it’s not a given. I felt wretched as a child because I was very slightly chubby. But it wasn’t the chubbiness (which would be absolutely normal today) that did it - it was the comments from my family and the fact that they constantly compared me with my skinny sister.

I'm sorry to hear these :(
People can be very cruel about appearance and weight.

Yes. Got called stupid by my dad all the time, and one time a teacher. Another time by a work colleague. My dh asked what the point of me was, once. That one stung.

Worst though was being constantly laughed at in the street and called ugly by men I didn't even know. They went out of their way to say it. I'm 40 now, and won;t make eye contact with men, steer clear of the young ones especially because it's just so painful when they literally point and laugh and say "what a fucking minger!" etc. I've been barked at by young men (apparently because I'm "such a fucking dog!"). I hate myself. Hate my face. Hate that I'm stupid and useless. Only the fact my wonderful, amazing, kind children love me for me and not my face or lack of brains keeps me going some days. Oh, and pets!! Pets are the best! They just love you, I treasure them so much.

I'm so sorry to hear that, how dare these people treat you like that! Shame on them. It's not true what they are saying.

I remember my dad telling me I had no rhythm when I was 5 and dancing to the radio. Even though as an adult, I was a good dancer, that is still in my head. He also told me that I thought I was something because I went to a grammar school but I was nothing and who would care when I’m doing the washing up because that’s what women and girls are for. Nasty old man. I was very skinny as a child and teenager and often got mistaken for a boy. Once a random young man stopped me in the street and told me I was lucky. When I asked why he said Lucky your legs don’t snap and walked off pissing himself laughing! It took me years to like myself and think I was attractive!

My own dad's nickname for me well into adulthood was 'fatty'. I have always been overweight but it didn't need pointing out. I am always convinced I am the biggest person in the room.
It didn't help that I was the smelly dirty child in school so I am also paranoid about being 'dirty' even though I shower and wear clean clothes daily.
I have made sure my kids have a totally different childhood to mine and am now NC with my parents.

My parents always thought negatively of me even though I never got into trouble. Everything was my fault and I was always in the wrong. Certainly from the time I started school. My parents were called in when I was in Yr 1 because I’d done something to support another child and my mum instantly thought I had done something wrong and was mad with me. Basically I always feel like people are going to hate me/ think negatively of me.

This is one of the saddest things I have read on here 💐

When I was a teenager, I heard that someone was gossiping about me and telling people that I "didnt have any morals" after I drunkenly snogged a boy at a gig. I think this stuck with me as I've always classed myself as person with integrity and a good moral compass.

I am an introvert, and have always suffered with a bit of social anxiety (currently having counselling and have had periods where i've been on anti-depressnts) I find some social situations hard, and this became very noticable as a teen, I was always jealous of those who found social interactions easier. My dad once said that he wished that I "was more bubbly" like his clients daughter. He kept questioning why I was not more sociable and bubbly like them. That has alway stuck with me, and it is only in the past few years that I've began to accept myself and realise that it's ok to be introverted!

Not quite in childhood, but a few years ago, when I broke up with an ex (after finding out that he was leading a double life and had an overseas girlfriend) He told me to "get surgery on my nose" and called me a "a mouse-faced c**t" I've always had a complex about my nose.

My mum once told me that her and my dad once stayed up all night trying to think of a good thing about me. She said the only thing they could come up with is that I was pretty.

I don’t like being called pretty to this day.

A less serious one:

Laundry. My parents did laundry once a week. Had to wait for a full load. Had to SQUEEZE it in there. Then it was washed. No tumble drier so it had to air dry for a few days. Then it had to air in the airing cupboard for at least three days. Then it had to go into the ironing pile. Then it was put away.

Fuck me, it was a long process.

I still, TO THIS DAY, when I wash my washing, tumble dry it and put away like a normal human get this overwhelming amazement of, “I was wearing these pyjamas last night and now I’m putting them away on the same day! That’s INCREDIBLE!!”

It’s not incredible. It’s mundane. My parents made me weird.

Comments/jokes/laughter about my appearance in all manners from other kids at school eg. A teacher holds up a self portrait someone has done and asks who's it is because there's no name, and someone shouts out that it looks like me and the whole class laughs.
Or..when the boys in your class rate the girls and you're bottom of the list every time.

It destroyed my confidence.

So sorry about this :(
Comments can really stick.
I've had 2 exes tell me I had a big nose!
I got a nose job 3 years ago. I did it for me as I'd never liked it anyway, but looking back, how dare they tell me that.

2 things immediately come to mind. I’m about 13, playing on the field with my friends in a yellow halter neck top my aunt had given me (she would have been 19 then and was the definition of cool in my eyes!) a boy from school shouted to me ‘big tits hairy armpits.’ I hadn’t really been bothered about shaving up to then, and since I have been steadfast about body hair removal. Not much I can do about the boobs unfortunately.

The second is a grew up with a very emotionally abusive and narcissistic step father. As a result I have a very bad complex of always thinking things are my fault - particularly with DP. If he is in a bad mood or quiet, my immediate gut reaction is that it’s my fault and he’s thinking about leaving me. (Together for 16 years and not been the case so far!) It’s the same in social situations - eg if I am out to eat with friends and the food/service is rubbish and people are not having a great time I absorb that as my responsibility and fault.

Not about myself but my mother is massively insecure and would tell my sister and I that all other women are a threat, sex isn’t enjoyable and men are just men in their typical ways. I was massively insecure growing up as was my sister and jealous of all other women! I used to feel bad for enjoying sex but now I’m with my husband who is amazing, the perfect person in every way and makes me feel like the only woman in the world! Also let’s me explore sex in exciting ways making it fun for us both!
My mum is still with my dad who makes her miserable and still comments about other women! Sad eh!!

Also my mother always feels like the outsider, the lower class one, not good enough so that rubbed off! Now I’m accepting that I can socialise with all different types of people from different classes and not feel crap about myself because I know I am worthy!

When I was 11, my Dad opened my bedroom window and told me I should jump out of it and die. Aged 12, he told me to get into the car and drove me to the council offices in town to 'get a new home', I never saw him again.

I've done pretty well in life (very happy marriage, lovely friends, made a lot of money so financially independent) but I do struggle with suicidal thoughts sometimes.

As a very insecure 13-year-old I asked my mum if I had nice legs. She told me I would never have nice legs because I was short (I'm 5'1"). She also told me I was "getting a bit podgy". I subsequently became anorexic. Im now 48, a size 8, am super fit (Pilates and loads of half marathons and still hate my legs). I'm VERY careful about what I say to my two daughters

I have this too. I saw the thread title and thought, "How long have you got?"

It's the way nothing is ever enough. You do something slightly bad? It's the end of the world. You do something really good? It gets minimized, turned into a negative, sabotaged, or the goalposts just get moved. It means you can't really develop resilience because you're always waiting for everything to fall apart.

I don't know what the answer is, but perhaps things just seem bad because I've moved abroad and have been doing crappy temp jobs. Neither of those things are conducive to feeling welcome and included, but I'm hoping things will get better.

I am really sorry to you all xx

Being told how ugly I am from a very young age, both by family members and random people in the street. My secondary school days were horrendous as everyone constantly made fun of my ugly face and bowed legs. I never experienced normal teenage things- I never went out, because I couldn't bear the taunting. Also my parents told me I always say stupid things, so I was too scared to talk to anyone. My parents ignored me a lot of the time anyway, I was just an ugly, stupid nuisance. It has definitely stayed with me, how could it not? I AM ugly, and I DO say stupid things, because all those people couldn't have been wrong. I suppose I've accepted that I'm one of life's ugly, stupid people that other people look down on and despise. To be honest, I can't do scything about it. I just wish people would stop pointing it out. It still hurts now and I'm 50.

These are so sad :( When I was younger I had great legs and bought a micro mini skirt when I was in 6th form. Other girls would say how they wished their legs were like mine so they could wear short skirts, and I told them with complete sincerity that there was nothing wrong with their legs and that they should wear short skirts if they wanted. They never believed me and I thought their complexes were silly, but now I see how deeply ingrained it is when you're made to feel ugly. It's such a waste.

My mum gave me a complex about my weight, which I think came from her mum.

My mum would get us to weigh ourselves as a joke all the time. I was always the bigger one and she would tell me not to worry and that I was big boned.

She would also get us weigh ourselves when we came back from a restaurant to see how much we gained when we ate. She was always so slim and would be like "I cant believe I weigh this much (!?)". She would also compare me and my sisters a lot.

My sisters would call me fatso. I got my first dieting pills at age 11 from superdrug, they were appetite suppressants and I kept them in my mini fridge that I got for Christmas.

When I turned 14 I shot up and was the slimmest of everyone. My mum was accusing me of losing weight for a boy and wouldn't just believe that I grew and got slim.

I put on weight after my 2nd child and my mum would side eye watch me eating and elbow my sister as if I wouldn't notice. She would also buy me clothes that didn't fit me, even after I told her my size.

I lost the weight 3 years ago but now I can never relax, I'm scared of getting fat. I cant be normal. I feel like my regulation is not there, I'm either in weightloss mode of weight gain mode and I cant maintain at all.

Now I'm pregnant again its definitely making me scared I'm going to go ott and get fat.

My children are teens, me and dh have never mentioned their weight and its not a factor in their childhood. They eat, they get hungry, the get full and just have general slim maintenance without trying. I have never experienced this. By the time I was their age I must've done at least 12 different diets.

I honestly hate how men can make women feel. How dare they. This has made me so angry, I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this.