Do you have any complexes from childhood?

[Wagonwheel123]

Inspired by another thread.
I remember a classmate once telling me I smelt of B.O and since then I've had a thing about dousing myself in body sprays, perfume, anything to make sure I always smell 'nice' and that nobody could accuse me of smelling bad.
As a child I'd notice that my friends' houses were like showhomes. Always immaculately clean, everything was fresh and homemade.
My parents had slightly lower standards, they weren't hoarders nor did we live in filth, but their standards of cleanliness and tidiness were just slightly lower and they don't cook from scratch 100%. I remember an ex when we were 21 telling me my parents ' house was a little messy (quite rude of him tbh)
Anyway, if I ever stay over or holiday with friends (not that it ever really happens now) I have a thing about making sure my living space is very clean and tidy at all times, I have a complex about someone labelling me as dirty or unclean.
Quite sad really but I don't know how to stop these feelings , has anybody else got things like this?

Wow I’m so naive, I honestly can’t believe how cruel people can be. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this, what horrible people.

My friend once made fun of my teeth (I have one that is on top of the others at the front but it doesn't look too bad). I've smiled closed mouth ever since.

Disordered eating and warped body image.

Yes. Being told that I walk funny at school. Never really understood what they meant but, even now, 50 years later I can't walk anywhere without feeling really self conscious and thinking everyone's laughing at me. Wish I could obliterate that memory!

I've had the walking comments too :(
It's terrible how many people project their own weight issues onto their children.

Oh absolutely millions....

I was the ugly teen, even my own mother said she worried I'd never grow into my face

A throwaway comment when I was 16 and just filling out 'oh you like your food don't you' leading to years of disordered eating

Too many more to mention...

I have a high forehead and was called Alien all through secondary school by a group of bullies (all girl Catholic school 🙄 my mum naively thought/hoped would have less bullying and better behaviour), it just crushed my gentle little spirit. Still so self-conscious about it now but did generally grow into my looks and think I look OK now, it's just those cruel words stick I suppose.

Also had 'you've got the XXX (family) big knees and stumpy legs' from my mum which was less her trying to hurt me but empathising because she feels she got them, too 🤪 Thanks for the confidence boost there!

Deffo food. My self worth is completely dependent on how much I weigh. I absolutely hate it. I was an obese teenager then was anorexic and my periods stopped for a year. I'm a healthy weight now but still obsessive about my weight. I have a daughter and I hope she never feels like this- I'm trying my best to not use the word fat or use food as a reward but it's reprogramming my brain to a way of thinking I've never done before

Yes, whenever a man - even DH- comes into the room or a shop/office/coffee shop etc after me I involuntarily “jump” a kind of twitch due my father being violent. I’m okay talking to male neighbours outside and when I go into a shop I’m okay with male staff, or other customers, but if a man walks in, even if I don’t see it, I’m suddenly on high alert.

Also I crave stability more than most people I know due to my mother’s daily mantra “when you are 16 and leave school I will leave”

Friends feel secure because their jobs and business are steady, I’m talking in general and over decades so before Covid and the current cost of living problems, they own houses etc so feel secure. I always that whatever we have, income, home, food in cupboards etc will be taken away.

I'm so sorry people have been so cruel

Being told by my Dad I was nothing & I was nobody (whilst being kicked, punched & thrown into a stone fireplace). All for not bugging my Grandma a Christmas present yet.

I was 16, at school in the 5th form & working full time (with the permission of the school to leave early for matinees in the last week of term, which would never happen now lol).

And I went into work covered in bruises. Never the face of course, but my torso was black & blue.

The crew became my family and we still get together, over 30 years later.

Both parents were violent; I’m now a carer for Mum twice a day, and she still lies & uses mind games to manipulate & try to stir up trouble. I now have limited contact with my niece as she told her I was a thief (I’ve never so much stolen a penny from anyone).

She has refused external help or care by Adult Social Care workers, so it’s left to me, the diabetic, spinal cysted, osteoarthritis riddled from a teen, degenerative disc disease - also from 19 - stick & crutch using daughter.

The ASC workers have tried their best to explain that I have a disability (with Chronic Kidney Disease 3a diagnosed a couple of weeks ago, such fun!) and she must have other carers, but she gave an Oscar winning performance of how strangers frighten her & how unsafe she felt on the 10 days of post hospital organised care twice a day.

When the worker left she sat & looked smug, as she always does when she’s successfully manipulated someone to do what she wants.

A couple of years ago, Mum told my sister & I that they shouldn’t have had kids & Dad would’ve been better if we weren’t competitive for their attention (as babies & children for goodness sake)!

I ended up at a top 5 Uni at the time, and on the day I left home - as a single mum at 20 - she threw my student house deposit at me, no good luck, no sayI h she’s proud of me, just that it was my fault Dad left her (a few months before) because my being a teen mother was too much them.

Dad died last year & her never said he was proud of me, ever.

I tell my kids, now adults themselves, how proud I am all the time, and how much I love them (never heard by either parent as a kid), because I don’t want them to ever think they are nothing & they are nobody.

When I was about 7 years old I was out on my bike. Two older girls noticed me and one said to the other "I hate that kid". I didn't know them, had never spoken to them but they hated me apparently.

I have spent years trying to accept that I may be an ok person rather than one who deserves to be hated.

I was called goofy. I have a "looking after my teeth" complex. I never feel confident smiling in photos. I have birth marks and used to be told I had dog shit on my leg. Even now I feel self conscious but thankfully not as much as I did aged 18. Some people can be cruel, I'm sorry to read some of these posts, especially@YouJustDoYou pets are the best I agree.

My sister, I talked her into coming into town with me when she had been ill and not washed her hair. She specifically said it looked unkempt but I said no it’s fine.
then some girl in our bus made a remark tk her friend about dirty hair and my sister washer her hair now every day, sometimes twice a day and her children has to shower and wash their hair every morning before they leave the house. Definite a complex.

Absolute complete fear of upsetting anyone caused by my 'friends' randomly deciding they hated me when I was 11 and all of them stopped talking to me.

I still have no idea what I could have done wrong but I now over analyse every conversion I have if someone doesn't message me back quickly. I have also let people treat me like utter shit because I don't want to risk offense by saying something 'wrong' and have them turn against me. My partner says I think of myself as 'less than', I think he is probably right.

All of us do and stay stupid things. The cruel fact is the more you think it, the more you are setting yourself up for it, if you know what I mean? Like your nervous and on edge, that's precisely when you will say these stupid things!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder for one. Number two, if you are happy and kind, you will radiate beauty. I have a friend who isn't anything special to look at objectively, but I know her well and I see her gorgeous soul. I don't ever look at her and think anything bad about her appearance. I'm interested in what she has to say not what she looks like.

I didn't really go out much as a teenager as I had rosacea. My dad used to shout and hit me. Both of these things affected my confidence hugely but I WILL NOT let them define me.

Nice people will not look down or despise you. You are definitely not stupid looking at your excellent writing skills. I believe in you.

I got called ‘slap head’ I’ve always had a fringe since to hide it and I’m now 51!

Complex PTS D .

jumping out of my skin at sudden loud noises, people getting too close. Violent father.

Innate sense of shame and inability to trust people . Emotional verbal physical abuse from my father.

I don't expect people to like me. I expect them to pretend to like me than later hurt me or abandon me. Bullied by my peers throughout primary school.

I feel like I'm somehow dirty and will contaminate people with my thoughts .

I'm very shy. I couldn't make eye contact up until I was 24.

self hatred. If I make a mistake I feel I'm the most disgusting person in the world . an abomination.

raised voices make me fearful.

change of plans, sudden changes in someone's expression on face or tone of voice, I fear they are angry with me

I have to lie a lot and people please. Because as a child telling the truth wasn't safe.

I cut myself before I began dialectical behaviour therapy and other forms of self harm. To punish myself, to relieve big feelings, to communicate .

Eating disorders . A sense of emptiness and constant fear in pit of my stomach because my parents argued a lot and home felt unsafe. I binge are to cope. I still do. Binge until I feel sick. Then hate myself and have to starve .

I'm often feeling ashamed of my needs but also want to be heard too. I feel I have to prove myself to others . I was often ignored and not listened to growing up.

I can't apologise easily if I make a mistake or admit I'm wrong . Because I associate that with being punished

Making mistakes. I used to get punished by my father for making mistakes in my school work. I used to fantasize about suicide or running away

I overdress

My dp has pointed it out and my gp (just last week) told me 'you look like your going to ascot!'

It's because,as a kid,i only ever had shitty,shabby,tatty and stained second hand clothes,cheap plastic shoes and nothing nice that was mine (nothing wrong with second hand-99%of my wardrobe is second hand,but none of it is shabby,dirty or tatty)

If I did own anything nice,my narc mother made sure she binned it

Now I dress like I'm going to a posh party,even if I'm only going to tesco

Honest to God,I keep ebay and my local charity shops going on my spending on their clothing/accessories/shoes/boots etc

I can't clothe the little girl I was,but I can dress the woman I became

10+ years of bullying from classmates (mainly boys) and some from family members (mainly girls and women) with comments about my looks (had glasses, braces), how I eat and weight (slim one in the family and still am). One of the main reasons I think the whole uniform thing prevents bullying is stupid.

Bullied bad enough that I have seen maybe four or five pictures from DH and I’s wedding and they’re the ones our parents have. I have never seen the full album and been married to DH for a decade. I’ve only just now in the past few years felt comfortable being in pictures. I recall one of DH’s family members on my first meeting them with our oldest as a baby, laughed at me and called me a coward for not wanting to be in a picture that was going to be on Facebook then when asked if she wanted to be in it seconds later, declined.

With family members, it was always comments about if I gained weight, lost weight, how much or how little I eat. My mother would poke my clavicles that naturally jut out and ask me if I was anorexic while in the same breath look at my stomach and ask why I didn’t have a six pack as a teen. She would praise my younger sister’s looks because she looked more like her and tell me I would look better if I did xyz. By time I got to uni, I didn’t know that guys were attracted to me and thought they were just being nice. I had rarely ever been called pretty, always adorable and cute before so hadn’t clicked. I would be embarrassed when someone would call me beautiful, gorgeous, stunning. Even on my wedding day, my parents seeing me in my dress, neither said I looked pretty, my aunt commented that I had lost weight when in my reception dress (she was there when I bought it) and anytime anyone my mother knew complimented me, she would be awkward about it. Had comments from FIL saying I don’t want to get fat during eating some takeaway DH bought that he was also tucking into despite me being about the same size since he first met me 10 years ago.

This is why I rarely comment on someone’s weight and looks and do secretly judge people that do.

I always have to tidy up all the time and have things in their correct place, hard with a 1 and 5 year old and I’ve had to train myself to just leave the mess and tidy it up when they go to bed. I’m sure this stems from my mum and dad having quite a messy house compared to my peers who all lived in massive immaculate houses..I was the ‘poor’ one at a private school. Also, screen time, I feel really uncomfortable whenever my kids watch TV or iPad, this stems from my mum restricting TV and making us read books - not a bad thing necessarily but I do have to remind myself that the times have changed and screens aren’t that bad in themselves!

I don't feel real and often question my perceptions of myself and whether I'm really genuine or not? I grew up very religious and we were taught not to validate our feelings or think highly of ourselves.

Although I'm pretty shy, I also can feel abandoned when someone is getting a lot of love and attention and sympathy . As if there never is going to be room for me.

Yet if people get too close I push them away often.

I feel I have to be hyper independent and push people away. It's not safe to trust or rely on people

I feel smothered and suffocated by people who need me a lot. I'm not married partly because don't trust men but also fear being engulfed .

I hate uncertainty and have to check things again and again for reassurance.

Was your father mentally ill? Probably a redundant question. But ..just so sad to read this. I hope you have learned through life or therapy that it was not you, but him. Your mum was there for you? O my, your so short message really caught my heart

95% of the time (used to be 99%) I feel I'm faking all this. The abuse from my dad wasn't that bad. The sexual abuse that I re member (don't remember all of it) was unpleasant at the time but didn't damage me . The rest of it I blocked out. My dad did love and adore me. He just didn't know how to show me. My mother worshipped me but she saw me as strong competent and happy. I really wasn't like that at all.

He was. Extreme violent mood swings and rages. Paranoia. But no diagnosis . His religion told him that seeking mental health treatment was wrong and sinful.

yes I am having a lot of therapy. Dialectical Behavioural Therapy and trauma therapy currently .

Thanks for reading