Do you have any complexes from childhood?

[Wagonwheel123]

Inspired by another thread.
I remember a classmate once telling me I smelt of B.O and since then I've had a thing about dousing myself in body sprays, perfume, anything to make sure I always smell 'nice' and that nobody could accuse me of smelling bad.
As a child I'd notice that my friends' houses were like showhomes. Always immaculately clean, everything was fresh and homemade.
My parents had slightly lower standards, they weren't hoarders nor did we live in filth, but their standards of cleanliness and tidiness were just slightly lower and they don't cook from scratch 100%. I remember an ex when we were 21 telling me my parents ' house was a little messy (quite rude of him tbh)
Anyway, if I ever stay over or holiday with friends (not that it ever really happens now) I have a thing about making sure my living space is very clean and tidy at all times, I have a complex about someone labelling me as dirty or unclean.
Quite sad really but I don't know how to stop these feelings , has anybody else got things like this?

I suffered for years with my MH/depression and got turned away at every door. I had an assessment once with a CPN who literally sat shaking her head all the time I was telling her what was going on and she just referred me back to my GP. I honestly think I was (non diagnosed) bipolar for a few years. The only thing that has helped me completely has been going full NC with all even extended family.
I still have anxiety, I drive 10 miles out of town to do my shopping because I simply do not want the slightest chance of bumping into any of them. It's just me, DH, DS our 2 dogs and 2 BIL's DH parents are gone. That's all the family I have. I know I'm isolated but I'm happy enough with what I've got. I have never asked (adult still at home) DS not to see them either it's his choice but he doesn't and he says it's out of love and respect for me.

I am pigeon-toed and my parents, especially my father, went on and on about it. I don't have a complex about it, but it was an odd thing to go off on one about.

I was more "damaged" by the bitchy girls at the school I went to, and then some awful bosses in a couple of jobs. I'm now in a job where I enjoy professional respect and it is so refreshing. It's a pity it took until my late 40s to get to this job!

When I was younger my mum always commented on my ‘big belly’ and ‘big fat tummy’. I was always slim. Even as a young adult she commented about ‘big belly hanging out’ if I had a top on that lifted. I thus am obsessed with my middle and wear Spanx almost everyday and cannot remove the preoccupation with this looking fat. It’s sad a lot of these comments are weight issues passed down by parents.

Being labelled a bit podgy, spotty & a swat in high school. I had a lot of friends, both boys & girls, was near the top of the class & in the school band. I was a bit like an Inbetweener, not quite in with the rich, bitchy in crowd, always on the edge. I could never get a boyfriend either. I wasn't good at sports.
Then I had a boyfriend at college when I was 17 who was from a country & culture who did not respect women. He cheated on me, made me feel like a piece of meat & no good at sex because "I wouldn't put it in my mouth" or do anal! I was only 17 & inexperienced. Then he told my I was still spotty. Left me with low confidence when I met dh.
These people do not matter to me but I still reconnected to them on Facebook, including my ex, to show that I looked good at last, bagged myself a handsome & good husband & father who I've been married to for 35 years. Proud to show them photos of my two gorgeous dc who have done well, ds excelled at sports & is now in the military.
It's shallow of me to "show off" about my handsome dh & dc, the success of my ds at sport, but I always felt like the ugly kid at school who could never get a boyfriend so it felt like I had a point to prove.
And equally to my ex who said I was so much prettier than he remembered, I had blossomed & I must be doing something right to have been married for 35 years & have 2 dc. Yes, my dh has been satisfied with our sex life thank you very much for the vote of confidence dear ex!
And of course, being the cheat he still is he suggested meeting up for old times sake 🤣
erm...it's a no from me...

I was laughed at and called ugly a lot by other children. This continued when I went to an all girls secondary school and the embarrassment has stayed with me my whole life. My parents and family always told me that it wasn’t true and I was beautiful but I knew the truth. Over the years I have learnt to make the best of myself. I wear make up, get my hair done regularly and take care to wear clothes that flatter my shape. There’s only so much you can hide with make up though and at the end of the day I’m what society classes as an ugly woman. I’m in my forties and have sort of made my peace with it but when I was a teenager and in my twenties I found it unbearable. I would have done anything to be even average looking. I’d always have known about my looks (or lack of them!) as it is so obvious but I don’t think I’d have been aware of it as a child if I hadn’t had it brought to my attention by other children on an almost daily basis. I often wish I could have had just a few years when I didn’t know that I was ugly but unfortunately people were keen to let me know from a very early age.
I shouldn’t really complain as I have a close and loving family, a job I love and a group of very loyal friends but I’d love to know what it feels like to be attractive.

Yes many which all resulted in a Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis.
Abandonment being probably one of the main ones as I was abandoned by my father, my mum has raised me and I have an amazing stepdad but I have a lot of 'daddy issues'

I find I tend to push myself into triggering (triggering in the CPTSD sense) situations. It seems to make sense to me to do that but also does make me feel worse.

Thanks for responding .
Yes it's me again. Was going to leave MN, and deleted but had change of heart. I am seeing a specialist therapist (specialises in CPTSD and related diagnoses) it's early days but I have started opening up to her.

Interesting because I have same diagnosis. Diagnosed a long time ago, years of DBT, which have helped but now I am beginning to understand the link to trauma and have been told I also fit the criteria for CPTSD. I

I do recognise issues around abandonment in myself but was never actually abandoned as such just abused and invalidated. I've also been told I have anxious-avoidant attachment but I had a loving mother . She couldn't protect me from her partner and did downplay a lot of the abuse, maybe it stems from that?

I hope you have some support in your life as BPD is a huge clusterfuck of complexes regardless of which combination of the required symptoms you have for a diagnosis and how they present themselves.

@BrindleAbyssinianGuinea2 that all fits abandonment can be emotional abandonment as well as physical abandonment. I would have experienced significant emotional abandonment from both of my parents but never physical abandonment and it definitely resulted in cPTSD also if your father wasn’t in the picture that would be physical abandonment.

That makes sense. My bio dad was in the picture but I wished he wasn't . He was frightening to be around in his rages and very invalidating and cruel when he wasn't .

My dad was obsessed with noise.

Music. Tv. Doors banging. The toilet seat being put down. Drawers closing.

If I shut a drawer or a door and it banged he would lose his shit.

To this day I never close a drawer fully and leave it sticking out slightly so it doesn't make a sound. It drives my husband mad and he goes around closing things after me. But it's ingrained in me that everything must be quiet or silent.

That's terrible, I am so sorry. I hope you were safe x

@BrindleAbyssinianGuinea2 I’m just a stranger but I’m so very proud of you for going to therapy. I hope you find peace and happiness.

So much sAlness on this thread.

To e everyone who has received such unkind comments. You didn't deserve it.