Do you have any complexes from childhood?

[Wagonwheel123]

Inspired by another thread.
I remember a classmate once telling me I smelt of B.O and since then I've had a thing about dousing myself in body sprays, perfume, anything to make sure I always smell 'nice' and that nobody could accuse me of smelling bad.
As a child I'd notice that my friends' houses were like showhomes. Always immaculately clean, everything was fresh and homemade.
My parents had slightly lower standards, they weren't hoarders nor did we live in filth, but their standards of cleanliness and tidiness were just slightly lower and they don't cook from scratch 100%. I remember an ex when we were 21 telling me my parents ' house was a little messy (quite rude of him tbh)
Anyway, if I ever stay over or holiday with friends (not that it ever really happens now) I have a thing about making sure my living space is very clean and tidy at all times, I have a complex about someone labelling me as dirty or unclean.
Quite sad really but I don't know how to stop these feelings , has anybody else got things like this?

My mother downplayed his abuse of us all. She did her best at times to let me cry on her shoulder after some of the abusive incidents so I was very lucky but she was afraid of him and never felt she could leave. And she told me he wasn't really beating me. It was low level abuse (except for when he used knives) and she told me he didn't mean any harm.

The posts on this thread are just terrible. None of you on this thread are ugly, unworthy, undeserving.
You have been told lies by horrible people- I hope you all realise this. xxx

That having curly hair is bad. My mother used to brush my long thick curly hair and I looked just like Crystal Tips. It was my fault is was unmanageable and frizzy apparently.
Spots were caused by not washing your face.
It knocked my confidence something awful

I meant to quote you sorry; Was your father mentally ill? Probably a redundant question. But ..just so sad to read this. I hope you have learned through life or therapy that it was not you, but him. Your mum was there for you? O my, your so short message really caught my heart.

I think my entire personality is a supersized bag of childhood complexes.

I don’t think I’m the only one.

Yes this, I cannot believe my eyes reading some of these posts.

I can’t eat in front of my father.

"You're just shallow with never a true genuine thought in your head"

"You're so far you're getting ugly. You have a nice face and pretty hair but it's a pity about the rest of you"

"Filth . Bitch. Worthless. Kill yourself you want to anyway."

"Just shut up. No one wants to hear what you have to say."

" I will kill your mother"

(To my 14 year old sister suicidal sister) "if you tell anyone you're depressed I will cut you into pieces and throw your body in the river. No one will find you . "

"Stop faking having ME. It's all in your mind. You're tired because you're fat and lazy."

" you're stupid you are! You will never amount to anything"

He honestly wasn't a monster. In his own way he did love me. But He didn't want me embarrassing the family and his church. And he had reason to have a grudge against me.

I feel angry that he abused my mum and my sister .they didn't deserve it .

I can believe it sadly. I can. A lot of nasty people out there.

I discovered aged 8, that I was 'well built' which apparently meant chubby.

I had no notion of my weight/size at 8 so this was something of a revelation.

I spent a considerable amount of my subsequent years bulimic.

I'm sure there's a backstory there

Isn't it sad the way a remark can shape our lives .
When I was about 11 , my aunt took me to a fair with my cousins.
My parents had given me a little pocket money. I innocently asked my aunt if we could so on a particular ride , and that I could pay for myself. ( thought I was being nice) she absolutely bellowed at me that it was alright for me , little miss moneybags , but not everyone could afford it .. but yeah go ahead while your cousins can only watch !!
Mortified.
But that has made me , to this day , over compensate to the point I insist on paying for people and buy little gifts , pay more than my share, even though I really can't afford to.

My grandfather allegedly (I don't remember this ) would tell me how sexy I was. I was 2.

Disordered eating from being called fat as a kid. I really wasn't.

I wish I could give you a hug. A huge squishy unmumsnetty hug. I’d love to be your friend.. you sound utterly lovely and I’m sorry these disgusting people have been unkind to you.
🩷

We didn't have a lot of money and I always had shit trainers/unbranded clothes from the market and I sometimes had the piss taken out of me. I'm now very keen that my kids have 'cool' stuff and I'm ashamed to say I do project slightly. My son in particular doesn't give a shit and is happy with primark. They are 11 and 12 and I have explained why I'm like this.

Yes you are right, I just read your post. It makes me cry. Mainly because I have a six yo daughter, cannot imagine doing anything other than (at least trying, does not always go right) my best for her. I learned from my mother about her f** up childhood. The things my grandmother (who I thought I loved) did to her. My mom is 76. Ofcourse I do not know all your ages, but it appears to me it did not only happen a long time ago. Which was what I hoped.

Hundreds. My latest realisation at the age of 45 is that I don't trust my own experiences or judgements. This comes from being gaslit repeatedly as a child. 'No they aren't calling you ugly, you must be misunderstanding.' 'No they aren't chanting it at you every day as you walk into class, it must be someone else' and this went on for years.

Also 'no you were not sexually jokester by your uncle when you were younger. Little girls sometimes fantasise about these things. Off you go!'

It's left me unable to believe my own accounts of things that happen to me. And it sucks.

This is just one of many.

Oh I wish I could give you a big unmumsnetty hug! You’re not stupid and useless. You say yourself that you have wonderful children - that must be because of you. Please be kinder to yourself.

Sexually molested. Not 'jokester'. What a crazy autocorrect mistake that was!!

This happened a lot in my time, I think no tools to offer support or comfort, so it is denied, it will go away.
Probably this is my youth trauma projecting on my little girl; please talk, about anything, and I promise I will always be there, listen, help, take you on my back and kill the mf.. sometimes a bit otp

This thread is so triggering for me. I'm so sad for everyone who has posted.

Being called fat when I wasn't. Just not as skinny as my sister.
Now have eating disorder and underweight.

Being called stupid when I wasn't. Just not as clever as my sister.

Made to feel embarrassed about bodily functions. Not pooing to the point I was in so much pain it was thought I had appendicitis.

Hiding when I started periods.

Allowed 1 bath a week. No deodorant until someone said I smelt funny. This was at age 12.

All clothes second hand that didn't fit or not appropriate

So many more things.

Omg you reminded me about hiding my period. I dont know why butwhrn I started my period I hid it for a whole year from my mum. Using tissue and pads from my friends. I couldn't bring myself to tell her.
Only when I was in so much pain at school and got sent home did I tell her as if it just happened.

Are you me?? I could have written this

@BBno4

I fashioned my own pads with tissue and tape.

My mum only asked when I made a mess after about a year.