To find this email rude

[Holdme700]

It’s from a supported living manager to a service user. Aibu to think this isn’t the way to do with service users?

Reading between the lines, both writer and recipient are feeling under pressure.

In particular, the writer feels they are being asked to accept responsibility for something they do not have the power to change.

The recipient is also feeling helpless and frustrated and has repeatedly made this clear.

Nope. Not a council. I can’t give all of the background, but the service user’s spouse wasn’t able to represent them, as we had no permission from them.

Then when we did have permission, I explained why the action had been taken - for example, if it were a GP’s (it’s not),, and a referral had been made; the person hadn’t turned up for a number of appointments, and had been removed from the clinic, and told they needed to be re-referred. When they then found this out, some weeks later, they continued to abuse the GP about it.

Yes, frustrating, but they had no cause not to attend the hospital appointments, for example

So, sometimes it’s not the fault of the organisation being abused….

It's an assisted living facility. Yes ,that might mean that the service user does not have the mental or cognitive capacity to understand the situation fully. That doesn't mean they deserve to be talked to like this . If anything, the manager should have even more empathy,patience and understanding and either choose their words carefully or find other avenues to deal with the problem

I think this is unlikely given that OP has gone AWOL. Perhaps they were the recipient.

@HollaHolla very fair point and yes, very different context to what I, and many are assuming the OP is posting about.

I don’t have much knowledge of the NHS system these days but I understand it’s all quite fraught and ‘aggressive’, probably the wrong word but the UK as a whole has slipped, and as far a state services go, if you have a need to access them, to be crass, you’re fucked.

It's unprofessional, regardless.

I'm the op I forgot my log in. The context was my daughter has sent her three emails. One of her staff talking unprofessional about where she currently is and kissing his teeth. The other one saying that the rent she was charging was well above market rent it is. The third was of another young woman who visited this place saying she felt the same as my dd about it.

She also said she wouldn’t willing go there and would have to be forced there.

She hadn’t answered any of her other emails so gave her no warning before reacting in such a manner.

I feel like I have read a similar post on here, where the service user in question did have a history of hectoring and pestering the service staff.

Well, 3 emails on the trot about irrelevant opinions is a little OTT

Two of those three emails could be legitimate complaints - the lack of care staff professionalism/respect; the rent issue.

The first she cannot take up with care staff because it is about them; the second care staff would have no ability to respond to satisfactorily.

The third not.

OP I think you will have to advocate for your daughter.

The tone is not professional.

I imagine the exasperation behind it might be understandable, but it should have been worded more professionally. "In response to your previous email, may I request you do not forward further opinions from uninvolved parties regarding X issue as it is not our policy to take feedback from those uninvolved with our service. I remain happy to discuss any views you wish to share. Regards, X."

It's rude, yes, but what else can you do if you've already politely asked the sender to stop sending emails multiple times.

Yes it might be a little rude but some people are too stupid to understand nicely nicely responses.

I'm astounded by comments like these -there is never a justification for being rude. It's not acceptable in social situations and it's certainly not acceptable in professional ones.
It's not relevant what the context is, you can't justify rudeness by saying that the other party tried your patience or that they are stupid!!

Three emails is hardly excessive. And no response to the first two ?I don't think the writer of this email should continue in post without training.

It's appalling and even more so with the explanation. Your DD is a stakeholder and only one of the three emails is about someone who isn't's opinions, and even that was about opinions of a potential stakeholder which backed up your DDs.
If it is just the three emails your DD has sent, and especially if this is the only reply, I would be hitting the roof OP. The manager's attitude towards a vulnerable individual is entirely unacceptable.

Does she mean the rent is higher than private rentals or higher than comparable sheltered settings? It's not really something the manager is going to be able to to satisfy her on - they're not going to turn round and go "oh you're right, we'll drop the rent".

The sharing of opinions of someone else is also not something the manager is going to be able to satisfy her on.

I think you need to find out the correct channel/complaints process for your dd and encourage her to use that regarding issues with staff etc.

So not the harassment or multitude of emails PP's assumed, and the only response . Like I said before, yes it's bad/rude, the details just make it worse.

Wonder what excuses will be made next.

It's not well written but they're clearly at the end of their rope.

The lack of any context from OP makes me think manager has probably got a point.

Arrrgh, now I see OP has logged in under another account. Scrap that last comment about no context.

Thanks for coming back and for information.

The manager is a proper dickhead. And as if it would be appropriate to raise any of those issues with your DD’s care team.

The fact that it’s your dd - so presumably a young adult? - makes her use of the phrase ‘enough is enough’ and her tone just awful. So infantilising.

She emailed a manager saying her friend, not involved in any way, wasn't happy? And she doesn't like the prices?

I mean, are they supposed to care? She does sound annoying. I'd have been more professional but, meh. Your daughter should take responsibility for herself too.

If she hadn’t answered the first 2 emails, does that mean the 3 were sent in quick succession?

I find the reply you posted direct but not overly rude. And accurate - “my mate agrees with me” is hardly something they can respond to.

If she sent 3 nonsense emails in 3 days, I’d be wanting to nip it in the bud too. I would be more, “sorry to hear you’re unhappy, but the team you want is…” but maybe this person has a history of service users sending silly emails to them and has long since learned the direct approach is better? There’s a please, and they’ve suggested the care team so it’s not just a “piss off” type reply.

The fact that some people can find excuses for the manager’s email blows my mind. How do you survive at work with such skewed understanding of professional behaviour?

They don't. I bet 90% of the contrarians would be "fuming" if they ever received an email with even a whiff of what OP actually posted.

OP the person your DD had emailed is fobbing your her off, being rude, unprofessional and not doing their job. Get a lawyer and get tough because this is the only way this idiot is going to realise they need to take paying customers - your DD seriously.

What organisation are you dealing with?

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus no not really as some people are quite capable of deescalation and don’t get all fraught over a work matter.

Your poor DD OP, how old is she?