If you are a hugger,

SheRaaaaa · 2023-08-11T08:10:54+00:00

Why do you do it? Why do you think people want to be hugged by you? 🤔 Do you also get in peoples spaces in other ways too? If you do it 'unconsciously' or whatever other bollocks, can you pick up on when people don't like it and stop? In case you didn't notice, I'm not a hugger and a couple of threads I've seen recently made me wonder why people do it. Yabu - everyone loves a hug Yanbu - keep your hands to yourself

Theyrethreetheyresixtheyreninetheyreeight · 11/08/2023 09:11

YANBU

Hoardasurass · 11/08/2023 09:13

Yanbu I'm autistic and hate hugs and usually end telling them to get there fucking hands off of me

TregunaMekoides · 11/08/2023 09:16

YANBU

I'm a hugger, but not the type who hugs everyone regardless. That's just weird.

I grew up in a very huggy family so it feels natural to hug the people I love. I'm pretty good at gauging which of my friends want the love by how they interact with others, and would never ambush someone with one!

I never hug people at work they said they needed one if they were sad.

VimtoPassion · 11/08/2023 09:17

I'm not a hugger either, but since DH died and I'm getting precious few hugs, I'm more likely to accept a hug from other people than previously.

I've come to realise belatedly that it is actually something humans need. I think huggers feel this more and are genuinely doing something they think will provide comfort and support.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 11/08/2023 09:18

I hate performance hugs but genuine ones are okay.

Shoxfordian · 11/08/2023 09:22

I like to hug people but only if they want to be hugged. I would always ask first especially if someone I don’t know very well or at work

Theyrethreetheyresixtheyreninetheyreeight · 11/08/2023 09:26

I would always ask first

People are then put in the difficult situation of saying ‘no’, and feeling like they will look weird or rude, or having to accept a hug they don’t want so that people don’t think badly of them. Just stop hugging people you don’t know very well.

Slouching · 11/08/2023 09:28

I hug family and best friends quite a bit. My mum was/is a big hugger, generally a really warm person and I loved it/her so it comes naturally to me to act the same with people close to me.

Human warmth, connection, affection is lovely. Though I do have a close friend and a cousin who hate it so I don't do it to them. They didn't have warm mothers so it's weird to them. I imagine what you grow up with determines it for the most part.

LovefromPickles · 11/08/2023 09:28

YANBu

I don’t mind hugs from people I am genuinely close to (my mum, DH, close friends) but have no desire to make physical contact with other people.

A school mum insists on hugging every time I see her for example if I bump into her in town. Just stop it!!

Aquamarine1029 · 11/08/2023 09:29

Shoxfordian · 11/08/2023 09:22

I like to hug people but only if they want to be hugged. I would always ask first especially if someone I don’t know very well or at work

Ok, but why would you even want to hug people you don't know very well or people you work with? Do you not understand how awkward it is to be asked if you want a hug from someone when you absolutely do not?

In my opinion, if you have to ask, you shouldn't be asking.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/08/2023 09:32

I’m very “It depends” on hugs - on the person and the situation.

But randomly huggy people is not ok.

Sheepsheepie · 11/08/2023 09:33

I’m a massive hugger and like physical contact however I won’t hug people unless we are really good friends or the occasional person at work that makes a joke I can’t hug them (I always threaten a hug) hahaha

Aquamarine1029 · 11/08/2023 09:34

Sheepsheepie · 11/08/2023 09:33

I’m a massive hugger and like physical contact however I won’t hug people unless we are really good friends or the occasional person at work that makes a joke I can’t hug them (I always threaten a hug) hahaha

They aren't joking.

SlashBeef · 11/08/2023 09:36

Sheepsheepie · 11/08/2023 09:33

I’m a massive hugger and like physical contact however I won’t hug people unless we are really good friends or the occasional person at work that makes a joke I can’t hug them (I always threaten a hug) hahaha

That's overstepping people's boundaries and it's not very funny..

CurlewKate · 11/08/2023 09:36

I'm a hugger and a toucher. I rely on my instincts to decide whether it's welcome or not. I wouldn't ask-how on earth could the "victim" say no? And if I get it wrong, I retreat very,very rapidly.

Original poster

SheRaaaaa · 11/08/2023 09:36

Sheepsheepie · 11/08/2023 09:33

I’m a massive hugger and like physical contact however I won’t hug people unless we are really good friends or the occasional person at work that makes a joke I can’t hug them (I always threaten a hug) hahaha

Why are you hugging people at work though?

And why specifically people that are politely telling you they don't want you to hug them?

OP posts:

VimtoPassion · 11/08/2023 09:37

Sheepsheepie · 11/08/2023 09:33

I’m a massive hugger and like physical contact however I won’t hug people unless we are really good friends or the occasional person at work that makes a joke I can’t hug them (I always threaten a hug) hahaha

You deliberately make people uncomfortable and you think that's funny?

Moreorlessmentallystable · 11/08/2023 09:37

I used to be a hugger but when I moved to Britain I noticed some people get uncomfortable so I just hig my family and very close friends.

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 11/08/2023 09:38

Only hug close family , they hug me and vice versa .

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMariaa · 11/08/2023 09:40

Yep! The amount of anxiety the enforced huggers give me is unreal.
This is why I loved having a baby in a sling. Keeps huggers and cheek kissers at bay.
No I do not want your disgusting saliva on my cheek.

LovefromPickles · 11/08/2023 09:41

I definitely don’t want to hug colleagues at work. Just no. So awkward.

BuddhaAtSea · 11/08/2023 09:46

I’m a hugger, it’s a cultural thing and also it’s something I genuinely enjoy the feel of. Being in someone else’s space shows vulnerability, closeness, openness. It’s acceptance, and, briefly, we form an alliance, a unit. It means we’re not alone, there is another human who can shelter us.

I live in Britain 😁. I can also read people pretty well and quickly and it takes a (long) while for people round here to open up. The thing is, the Brits are mad about their pets and it’s obvious the need of closeness, it’s not like there’s an allergy to hugs. I think it’s just not wanting to be vulnerable, maybe. I don’t know. I’ll continue to do me :)

Alphabetica · 11/08/2023 09:49

The thing I don't like about hugging is it normally takes place in a group, like when saying goodbye to people, and there's normally people in the group you're not very close to so you both know you're just hugging out of politeness.

elliejjtiny · 11/08/2023 09:50

I love hugs but I don't hug people who don't want to be hugged. My son hates hugs so I don't hug him, much as I would love to.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/08/2023 09:50

BuddhaAtSea · 11/08/2023 09:46

I’m a hugger, it’s a cultural thing and also it’s something I genuinely enjoy the feel of. Being in someone else’s space shows vulnerability, closeness, openness. It’s acceptance, and, briefly, we form an alliance, a unit. It means we’re not alone, there is another human who can shelter us.

I live in Britain 😁. I can also read people pretty well and quickly and it takes a (long) while for people round here to open up. The thing is, the Brits are mad about their pets and it’s obvious the need of closeness, it’s not like there’s an allergy to hugs. I think it’s just not wanting to be vulnerable, maybe. I don’t know. I’ll continue to do me :)

Someone has to be "allergic" to justify not wanting to be touched by someone? By continuing to "be you", you'll hug someone without their consent?