If you are a hugger,

[SheRaaaaa]

Why do you do it?

Why do you think people want to be hugged by you? 🤔

Do you also get in peoples spaces in other ways too?

If you do it 'unconsciously' or whatever other bollocks, can you pick up on when people don't like it and stop?

In case you didn't notice, I'm not a hugger and a couple of threads I've seen recently made me wonder why people do it.

Yabu - everyone loves a hug
Yanbu - keep your hands to yourself

Mostly when I get ambushed/ hugged i assume it’s a ruse to feel my tits pressed up against their chest.

What an awful attitude.

I initiate hugs with those I love, but I have a couple of single colleagues at work who don’t get many hugs. I’m always happy to hug them as they are lovely people.

YANBU. Late MIL was a hugger I couldn’t stand it.

Not a hugger and I usually move back when people try it. Too many shoulders and elbows and chins and general bony awkwardness involved for my liking, regardless of anyone's weight, plus I'm simply not that fond of anyone. (Now if it's an affectionate cat, that's a different matter! 😻)

I didn't used to like hugs. Found eye contact difficult too. I am improving in both areas.

I have a friend who is a hugger. I remember one time feeling very uncomfortable. I was busy organising something and she asked me for a hug. I gave her a quick hug and then she wouldn't let go saying 'squeeze me tighter. I want a squeeze hug'. When I refused, she asked if I was mad at her.

Towards the end of lockdown/one of the liftings, the FT had a brilliant cartoon that had a newspaper hoarding of "OK to hug again" and a very grouchy bloke walking past with the caption "don't even think it".
It was my screensaver for months until I moved on to a new role.
Wish I still had it - at a recent role the Chief Exec had a tendency to hug - YUK.

Ok, but why would you even want to hug people you don't know very well or people you work with? Do you not understand how awkward it is to be asked if you want a hug from someone when you absolutely do not?

I think this is a bit extreme.

I can take or leave hugs. I do it with people I know and like but not with people I don’t know. I’m very aware that lots of people don’t like it and fair enough. If I get the sense people don’t way to be hugged I absolutely will respect this.

But this very hard line narrative that has developed recently that unilaterally hugging people is offensive or aggressive is a bit ridiculous.

At worst it is a few seconds of feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I think most people can tell if it’s meant affectionately or not. If you hate it that much wear a t shirt.

We all occasionally have to tolerate things we don’t much like in the interest of social harmony. A gross personal space invader or a groper is unpleasant but a couple of seconds enduring a well meant hug isn’t the worst thing in the world. Most of us can deal with it happening from time to time.

God I hate having to hug men (apart from DH and v close male family members) because obviously my boobs get squished against them. I don’t know how it ever became a thing. There were some good things about COVID. I was kind of hoping it we’d all have kept that bit of f social distancing.

I’m a hugger but I always ask first and 100% respect the word no.

I would never ever unilaterally hug people unless I know that they are people that like being hugged. If someone hugged me spontaneously (i.e. a colleague) - I wouldn't expect them to ask for permission but that's my own personal mindset - I'm a relatively relaxed person socially and pretty gregarious. I'm mindful of other people's feelings and understand that we are all different.

@Hoardasurass

"get there fucking hands off of me"

Nice!

Oh I hate huggers. It is not acceptable to invade my personal space like that, nor to inflict unwanted bodily contact on me. I find it horribly intrusive.

It’s interesting how all the huggers here are at pains to say they ask first, or can easily read people and read the cues and never hug someone where it is unwanted, yet those of us who don’t like hugging all have lots of experience at fending off huggers.

We all occasionally have to tolerate things we don’t much like in the interest of social harmony. A gross personal space invader or a groper is unpleasant but a couple of seconds enduring a well meant hug isn’t the worst thing in the world

To me, huggers are gross personal space invaders and I shouldn’t have to tolerate them, irrespective of how ‘well-meant’ they are.

It’s interesting how all the huggers here are at pains to say they ask first, or can easily read people and read the cues and never hug someone where it is unwanted, yet those of us who don’t like hugging all have lots of experience at fending off huggers.

Precisely. Most of the chronic huggers I've known are seriously lacking in emotional intelligence.

I suppose because no one will come on here and say they indiscriminately hug everyone and fuck it if they don't like it.

For example, I know I'm not OTT because I actually very rarely hug people(especially at work). Normally it's in a haven't seen you for ages situations or someone who is crying/distressed/had a bereavement that kind of stuff. Which mean I gave hugs 5 times at most last year (I'm going by the school year as I work in a school).

@WontYouRideMyWhiteHorse fair point and groping is obviously more than unpleasant. And in a different category from hugging.
I have to say though (and I do understand and respect the fact some people don’t like it), that I do think the militant anti-hugging stance is a bit OTT.
Fine not to like it. But painting people who do it as aggressive or narcissistic bullies is an overreaction.

No of course it wouldn't be okay. Those things aren't commonly used the same way in the same circumstances.

Nobody should have to tolerate someone coming into their personal space if they don't want to. Instead, why not try respecting someone's boundaries?

You have zero idea of that persons history. Someone coming into a persons personal space can be a trigger due to past abuse, for example.

Why do you feel that your need to hug is more important than respecting someone's boundaries? Why should they just tolerate it?

YANBU, I hate hugs unless it’s my husband. Even then, it has to be with my consent.

I am now addressing my chronic alcohol problems through online AA meetings but I went to AA in person years ago and was really uncomfortable with the huggers there, people thought it amusing to make me uncomfortable. Thanks twats for making me shy away and letting me drink for more years than I should have. 🙄