If you are a hugger,

[SheRaaaaa]

Why do you do it?

Why do you think people want to be hugged by you? 🤔

Do you also get in peoples spaces in other ways too?

If you do it 'unconsciously' or whatever other bollocks, can you pick up on when people don't like it and stop?

In case you didn't notice, I'm not a hugger and a couple of threads I've seen recently made me wonder why people do it.

Yabu - everyone loves a hug
Yanbu - keep your hands to yourself

I'm a hugger but would only hug family and friends. If a colleague was upset then I would offer a cuppa / biscuit before a hug.

I'm not a hugger, but I love it when people hug me. I'm far too inhibited on most occasions. Saying goodby to family after a get together (infrequent) yes, otherwise I don't. I love huggers though 😀

In the UK I wait for the other person to start the hug.

In Italy I merrily hug and cheek kiss everyone.

I'm autistic too and I hate hugs unless they are with my kids or my DP.

I hate it when people know I don't like hugs and give me one anyway, or threaten too. It's not funny and makes me feel (even more) awkward. Any touch I don't like makes me feel like I've been hit - I can feel it on me for ages afterwards.

It was awful after lockdown when everyone was going on about being able to hug again. Nope. Don't touch me.

I'm a hugger to those closest to me when needed. Human connection is important for a lot of people. However I would never hug someone who wasn't in my closest circle and I personally do not like to be hugged except by my dh and my family. I definitely don't want random strangers touching me.

*Ok, but why would you even want to hug people you don't know very well or people you work with? Do you not understand how awkward it is to be asked if you want a hug from someone when you absolutely do not?

In my opinion, if you have to ask, you shouldn't be asking.*

I like to be hugged. If I'm feeling sad, I take comfort from the touch. If I'm at work or somewhere else and upset, and get asked if I want a hug, I'll say yes.

That's why I offer hugs to other people, because I take comfort from it.

If I was crying and the person I was with didn't offer me a hug - I'd think them a bit cold. I can understand that they might hate hugs and so not offer, but I'd still think they were lacking empathy or something.

I think you act as you think is right. If you are someone who appreciates hugs, you might offer them, if you hate hugs you might not. No one is acting maliciously.

I am very much a hugger, but I recognise that lots of people aren't and am very careful not to encroach on anyone's personal space. For instance, if a friend is upset and my instinct is to hug, I'll always ask first. I would never hug anyone at work. I don't encourage children in my family to hug me, they can if they want but has to be instigated by them.

Just because someone doesn't offer you a hug, if you were crying, doesn't mean they hate hugs or have no empathy. It could be that they don't know you well and don't want to touch you. You can't appreciate that? I absolutely love hugs. From my family. I don't want to embrace people I don't know well, and shockingly, I don't lack in empathy.

I'm incredibly awkward and grew up in emotionally distant non hugging household and although I don't hug most people my select few get all the hugs. My ASD son googled it and told me you need 12 hugs a day for growth (emotional) but he's 6ft 4 now and truly believes that's why he's tall! ( He's also not a hugger but I'm in his select few 😂 ) I also work in a SEN school and if a child needs a hug I hug them.

I'm a hugger. Only hug the ones who are also a hugger.

I love hugs. Really love them. But I'm also a firm believer in consent. I would never hug someone against their will.

My friend doesn't like being touched at all, and some people find it funny to hug her to make her uncomfortable for amusement. And I will step in and set them straight.

But if you want a hug from me? Ooh you can have a squeeze!

I'm not a big hugger, came from a family of absolute non - huggers - met my brother for the first time after 5 years and we had an awkward back slap sort of thing. But there's some people I don't mind a hug from....in fact quite like a hug from.

I like a hug. I hugged two colleagues yesterday much to the horror of MN, they were those pesky work colleagues that (only on here) you’re supposed to despise and never socialise with.

Yet, I’ve known one longer than my DD and the other came to my wedding. Hadn’t seen them in months due to WFH and yesterday I was in the office.

I don’t hug random strangers or children and maybe (cos I’m an older person), I’ve become quite astute as to when a hug is ‘appropriate’. Yesterday for example, it became very clear in a split second of us all meeting that hugs were welcomed on all sides. It was lovely.

I lived alone for many, many years (albeit a while ago) and craved physical touch, I’ll never forget how good it felt one Sunday when our Pastor’s wife gave me a hug.

I grew up in the most cuddly, touchy, physically affectionate family ever and even I understand that some people really don't want to be touched or hugged, even by people they like. So the people saying "it's cultural" or "I grew up this way!" can kick rocks as far as I'm concerned, culture is no excuse for ignorance. Bodily autonomy is so important.

With my sisters and brothers we grew up climbing all over each other so that continues in adulthood tbh. With my husband I will snuggle him at any opportunity. But my 15 year old is not a hugger, so we respect that. It's really not hard.

I hug only when I'm sure the huggee wants a hug as much as I do!

I was hoping that Covid would change people's habits on this one. Apparently not.

@BuddhaAtSea I'm not so sure that you're 'reading people' all that well if you think they're just a bit deficient in the way they show their emotions.

Hugging can sometimes be exclusive and insincere, especially in a situation where not everyone knows each other well - but some do.

If a colleague was crying, I might put an arm around them, or if we were sat down I might put my hand on their arm.
I would offer tissues or suggest we went somewhere for a chat though if they wanted, go for a cuppa etc. So I would hope that wouldn't come across as cold.

Usually family only. Occasionally very close friends, esp.if I know they’re sad or upset, but only if I also know they aren’t going to stiffen and hate it.

I’m a hugger, it’s a cultural thing and also it’s something I genuinely enjoy the feel of.

The people you’re hugging might not, and that’s ok.

I like hugs from family and friends, not random co workers. I don’t like people in my space.

Of course not, what gave you that idea? There are nuances and circumstances and social norms to be navigated. I tend to wait for the other to initiate the hug when I’m in Britain, in other cultures it’s the norm.
And nobody needs to justify not wanting to be touched, that’s quite an insulting assumption, don’t you think?
What I was saying is that it’s puzzling, but I’m not worried about it, I’ll continue to hug.

So do I. I only really want to hug my parents and sometimes DP. Or 1 or 2 friends I've not seen for a while. That's it. Others....performative and awkward. glad when it's over

I've also asked people I'm not that close to if they need a hug and they've said yes, so just because you say no, doesn't mean it's always the case.

I'm definitely a hugger. My mother often told me that she had grown up without hugs and had no idea what she was missing until I, her second baby, came along. Apparently even as a baby I just needed hugs.

It has been brought home to me over my lifetime that not everyone feels like that.

When BiL was first introduced to our circle, he let it be known that he didn't enjoy hugs. To try to still include him, when we are making our goodbye hugs, I make sure to be hugging my sister (so I cannot possibly hug him) when I catch his eye and say goodbye and lovely to see you etc.

At work and with new friends, I do also do a body language thing with anyone I would like to hug. I open up for a hug from a good distance. People who don't like hugs will not close that precious gap while others who do want to hug will come toward my arms.

It's always a magical moment when a new person steps into the hug zone. I genuinely feel that hugs have magical properties and I know for sure that touch is a human need.

It's much more of a southern thing though.

In Scotland we only hug and kiss good friends and often not even then.

When I'm in London for work I can just about cope with huggers.

I hate and detest double and treble cheek kissers though.

Especially when you've just met or hardly know each other.

I only hug close friends and family, but I do think it's a shame that our culture is so uncomfortable with platonic physical contact. I'd be much more of a hugger /toucher if it was more culturally normal.