Closed Practice, for girls aged 10-16.

[JaneorEleven]

My DD plays sport on a team (all girls Between 10-16 approx, think sync swimming). She’s been on the team for a year, and it’s time for tryouts and to sign a new contract if she gets a place.

One of the new stipulations on the contract says “Coaches have the right to Closed Practices. This means parents or spectators aren’t allowed in the building during practice.” I’ve attached a screen print of the exact wording.

My DD is 11, and this doesn’t sit right with me. I’m a Brit in the US, so UK law wouldn’t apply. But surely this isn’t typical for a sports team is it? To have some practices where parents are not allowed in, when the gIrls are still quite young. The coaches are 2 women and 1 man, if it makes a difference.

It wasn’t in last years contract. A few other parents have voiced their concerns, but we’ve yet to do anything. Tryouts aren’t until next month, so we have time. My DD adores this sport, and all the parents get along and socialise as well (not Dance Moms) so it’s not something I want to give up without a fight.

I’d really appreciate your thoughts, and even some wording on how to push back on this.

I suspect the very fact you are prepared to force this issue and won't give up "without a fight" is the reason the coach doesn't want any of you in. If you are going to kick off about this, it is likely you'll kick off if your child isn't chosen and you think they should have been. Closed trials means your opinion is rightly not factored into decision making.

It says closed practices not closed trials.

Perhaps talk to the coaches and find out why they have stipulated this? If these are plausible reasons and you are assured your DD will be safeguarded in these sessions (is that the reason why you feel uneasy?) then perhaps there is nothing to worry about.

I'd be more comfortable with an 11 year old being in a closed practice than an open one where anyone can turn up and spectate

My DD adores this sport, and all the parents get along and socialise as well (not Dance Moms) so it’s not something I want to give up without a fight.

DD is still allowed in, sounds like the real reason you want to be there is to socialise.

The school aren’t obliged to provide entertainment for you. Maybe parents are a distraction.

Is there a cafe you can wait in with the other parents?

As a sports coach, I do not exclude parents, but know exactly why they would want to!

Of course it’s the norm for many hobbies and sports. My dd dances. I’ve never been allowed to watch. I could wait in a separate area if I wanted to. Ok the teachers are all female but the owners are a couple and the husband is pretty much always present.

Then there’s martial arts, the one dd went to did allow spectators. The one my nephew goes to does not. Mixed sex kids and adults.

And what about summer camps op? Kids are just sent off by the parents on sleepovers, supervised by men and women for x number of days or weeks. My dd did a camp / horse riding one from the age of 8 in the uk. They’re far more common in the US and continental Europe.

No parents allowed int eh building and an 11yo? Nope. I'm sure since your e in the US they'd heard of the gymnastics scandals.

However, they clearly have concerns. First step I'd be friendly and curious about the reasons.

My kingdom for an edit button.

This is pretty standard for kids’ sports classes in my experience with parents not being spectators in the room, although generally they’re allowed to wait elsewhere in the building, assuming space allows.

I guess swimming lends itself to spectating in a way other sports often don't (many halls don't have viewing areas).

Having kids in several county and regional sports programmes, I can understand why the coaches want to focus on the kids and not managing the parents. Some of the behaviour I've witnessed has been horrendous.

There's two separate issues here. If it's safety, I think you're being unreasonable with an 11 year old. If it's about parent socialising, find a local coffee shop or pub and catch up there.

If you don't like it don't send her then? Probably nightmare parents being distracting.

If its competitive and artistic as well as athletic... trying to keep the competition routines secret would be my guess!

It sounds like they're saying they might do that if they have to, not they routinely do it. Maybe they find that easier than expelling one difficult mum from the room?

On another note, if you can't trust them with your daughter when you're not present, you shouldn't trust them at all. Abusers find a way.

Just to clarify a few points.

I worded it badly when I said I didn’t want to give up without a fight. What I should have said is a lot of parents have mentioned to me that they won’t return, because of the Closed Practice, without even approaching the coaches and sharing this concern. More than half the team would be gone, and without them, there is no team. It’s not school funded, it’s private, and without the fees they collect from families the team won’t exist. So I meant fight for the continued existence of the team, not fight the organization.

The tryouts aren’t closed, just some of the practices will be.

We aren’t difficult parents. We watch our girls practice, sit on the bleachers, pop out for coffee sometimes, and definitely dont cause a distraction.

My concern is safeguarding. The USA gymnastics team abuse has been playing on my mind. Our team is a far cry from an Olympic team, but the breakdown of safeguarding in that sport was shocking, which makes me want to double check I have good boundaries in place for my DD.

I do appreciate all the posts, it’s giving me something to think about and discuss with the other parents before they decide they’re not coming back.

These are both good points, thank you.

Talking to another parent in our group, their POV is we trust teachers with our kids in class, without us parents being around. We should trust coaches in a similar way.

I would have thought at 11 all hobbies would be drop off tbh.

Sounds like some parents have been a PITA in some way and the coaches need a bit of peace.

Why should you trust coaches in a similar way? There have been huge scandals in kids sports over the years - I can't think of a sport offhand that hasn't experienced serious grooming and child abuse allegations and convictions.

Sports coaches are a good hiding place for sex predators precisely because it is different to school.

Of course, they still sometimes go into schools as well in order to access children, but much easier in a sporting context.

I must admit I'm a bit puzzled by this. My ds does drama and I haven't been allowed into a practice, ever.
Not since he was 4.
I trust the people who are taking care of him and to me it feels no different to dropping him off at school.
Could you articulate what you or the other parents think will happen if your 11 year old attends a sports practice without you?

It's pretty common in the UK, especially dance schools and gymnastics. It's not even formalised in a contract just stated by the teacher that parents can't come and watch....there is no space, it's distracting and they interfere.

That's not my experience at all, my children did lots of sports when younger, think tennis, swimming, football and the parents watching was all part of the team dynamic

That doesnt mean that every parent stayed for every single session but the majority did the majority of the time.

I think it's odd that your teenager wants you hanging around watching. I wouldn't want other people's dads watching me in a swimsuit at age 15. Ick.

You don't supervise at school and cannot supervise everything they do. At 11 it's time to give a little more independence. You aren't going to do your child any favours by making them think they need mum or dad there or something terrible will happen.

Could it be concerns about parents taking photos, or worse interfering with the coaching during the session (butting in basically). It's not normal to stay once they are older anyway

Sounds like some parents have been disruptive or putting the kids off.

I can see the arguement both ways.

To add to my point though, while no, I don't think you should trust a sports coach like you might trust a teacher, in the context purely of a practice class serious abuse is unlikely to occur.

The reasons why sexual predators like being sports coaches is because of all that 1:1 coaching, the trips away, the overnights, the intense coaching relationship, the extracurricular bonding activities etc.

Sounds like this policy needs a full meeting with the coaches to discuss what they hope to gain from changing to a closed practice environment. Maybe it's even to keep the pervy dads out as the kids approach puberty, who knows