Closed Practice, for girls aged 10-16.

[JaneorEleven]

My DD plays sport on a team (all girls Between 10-16 approx, think sync swimming). She’s been on the team for a year, and it’s time for tryouts and to sign a new contract if she gets a place.

One of the new stipulations on the contract says “Coaches have the right to Closed Practices. This means parents or spectators aren’t allowed in the building during practice.” I’ve attached a screen print of the exact wording.

My DD is 11, and this doesn’t sit right with me. I’m a Brit in the US, so UK law wouldn’t apply. But surely this isn’t typical for a sports team is it? To have some practices where parents are not allowed in, when the gIrls are still quite young. The coaches are 2 women and 1 man, if it makes a difference.

It wasn’t in last years contract. A few other parents have voiced their concerns, but we’ve yet to do anything. Tryouts aren’t until next month, so we have time. My DD adores this sport, and all the parents get along and socialise as well (not Dance Moms) so it’s not something I want to give up without a fight.

I’d really appreciate your thoughts, and even some wording on how to push back on this.

Yeah I think its partly this. Parents need to let go at some point. But at the same time I understand why OP would be uncomfortable

In my OP I said “think Sync swimming”. It’s not swimming, for privacy I swapped in a similar type sport. It’s a sport that’s typically an individual sport, like swimming, but the sync component makes it a team sport.

It's utterly standard for some activities. Usually those where any distraction could have serious consequences (such as a nasty fall in gymnastics)

As they are secondary school age, they should be absolutely fine, especially as there are three coaches present.

Even at a much younger age, my DD's dance class was "no parents" except for once a term when specifically invited in.

For anyone who doesn't understand why op is concerned btw, which is understandable of your kids are not heavily into sports, have a quick google of 'sex abuse + sport'. If you start with swimming and football, you'll soon see why people are twitchy these days.

Also remember op one of the other kids may have a parent who they don't want watching the children. With 3 coaches (seems a lot for a sports team) you have the advantage of having 3 responsible adults.

DS does gymnastics (in the UK), I’ve never been allowed in. You can request to as a one-off, but it’s not the norm.

We definitely need to talk to the coaches about why this has been included. As far as I know, we haven’t had issues with troublesome parents. But the coaches obviously have their reasons. I’m going to suggest a meeting where we can discuss this; it may all be quite reasonable.

My older daughter swims, during training practice it’s closed down - the whole pool & swim changing rooms are closed to others. It’s for safeguarding & also stops the chatting parents distracting the swimmers. Parents trying to take photos/videos, younger non swimmers siblings trying to jump in the pool while parents distracted chatting - it was easier just to close it to all parents.

It’s been like that for years no parents have ever said anything! Makes life easier than sitting next to a pool area - you can if you wish sit in the coffee area to chat.

Yes it sounds like some parents or one that you may not be aware of has been disruptive/distracting and it is a way for the coaches to deal with it.

It's such a shame they haven't anticipated parents reactions to this. More than likely there is a reasonable explanation and it's no big deal but I really understand peoples caution here when it's just dropped into the paperwork

I can see why you feel uncomfortable OP. DD does gymnastics (in the UK) and when we were looking for a club for her it was important to me that we chose one where parents could watch. Just because of the scandals associated with the sport I guess. My other kids do outdoor sports so obviously parents can also watch.

It's normal in DDs sport, partly to stop filming I think and partly to let the coaches get on and coach without DC acting up or parents commenting/criticising.

I have confidence in their safeguarding procedures though.

This is what’s caused the issue. We’ve all been sent contracts to review before tryouts, but the required change has never been mentioned, just added to the doc. We parents are used to hanging out and viewing at practice, so to have this do a 180 is what we’re concerned about.

What does closed actually mean? Is it in a room where you can be next door and any child is free to leave? Very different from some other possibilities.

It doesn't even say that parents can't come any more, it says some of the practices might be closed and we will let you know which ones in advance.

Massive over reaction from the parents.

My dd attended dance classes for years where parents weren't allowed to stay and observe - from much younger than 11 too!

I understood the reasons for this - space was limited, plus having parents present would have changed the dynamic of the class. The difference was that I trusted the teacher completely and I had no concerns about leaving dd with her.

I think you need to reflect on why you don't feel comfortable leaving your dc in this situation without you, given that you have probably left her in plenty of other situations over the years. Is your gut trying to tell you something?

I think it’s probably closed practise due to the age - you are thinking my vulnerable 11 year old - others would be thinking my developing teen does not feel comfortable in a swim suit being stared at by people she doesn’t know. You might find it’s been added as some girls have expressed they feel uncomfortable.

Interesting perspective - it wouldn't occur to me to stay and watch practice. I'd find it more odd for parents to be hanging about the whole time.

My DD is really shy and at the end of term 'parents invited' session she did absolutely nothing, she was so uncomfortable.

I doubt it's something sinister to be honest but worth putting your mind at rest.

I would just be aware that they are clearly not going to tell you “Jessica’s mom has been an absolute pain in the ass over the last year”, or anything else like that.

If they give you a reason it will be something very generic, even if one of the parents is actually causing them massive problems.

I’m in the U.K. My kids do dance, gymnastics, swimming and brownies/rainbows. The only one you can watch is swimming and even that is only a recent thing. Over Covid you weren’t allowed in the building.
None of the others you’ve ever been allowed to stay and watch. I think it’s totally normal and wouldn’t have an issue. Have an hour to yourself. Even if I could watch I don’t think I’d want to. I’d rather go shopping on my own or get a coffee, anything for some me time

My daughter was very sporty and attended several clubs, achieving a reasonably high level in one sport. It was always drop and go, with parents only attending competitions/matches.

I don't really get the drama. It's something they're asking you to agree to in case it's ever needed. They're not chucking you out, they just want to be able to say "you agreed to this when you signed up" if there ever a situation with parents and they need to close some sessions.

I don’t think it would worry me, especially as your dd is old enough to tell you about the practice and what’s gone on.
surely you cant stay and watch all her sessions as time goes on; havent you got other things to do? Surely people drop off and collect at the end?

It says that closed practises will be marked on the schedule @JaneorEleven so if you're bothered about this just keep dd off for those ones?

When my daughter was in a gymnastics squad, parents weren’t allowed to spectate practices and when they we getting comp ready the rules around this were strictly enforced. I used to stay in the building until DD was in year 6, maybe year 7, and then I used to drop her off and not hang around. The last club night of each term was open for parents to watch but that was all.

I'm in the Uk the only thing we can watch is swimming. Dance, drama and piano all behind closed doors.

Gymnastics is closed off too but they have cameras so you can sit and watch in a separate room. Maybe you could suggest that?

I understand your concern though. I'm very aware of these issues and from a very young age we have regularly spoken to DC about their bodies and private areas,etc. we shouldn't have to but sadly we do