Closed Practice, for girls aged 10-16.

[JaneorEleven]

My DD plays sport on a team (all girls Between 10-16 approx, think sync swimming). She’s been on the team for a year, and it’s time for tryouts and to sign a new contract if she gets a place.

One of the new stipulations on the contract says “Coaches have the right to Closed Practices. This means parents or spectators aren’t allowed in the building during practice.” I’ve attached a screen print of the exact wording.

My DD is 11, and this doesn’t sit right with me. I’m a Brit in the US, so UK law wouldn’t apply. But surely this isn’t typical for a sports team is it? To have some practices where parents are not allowed in, when the gIrls are still quite young. The coaches are 2 women and 1 man, if it makes a difference.

It wasn’t in last years contract. A few other parents have voiced their concerns, but we’ve yet to do anything. Tryouts aren’t until next month, so we have time. My DD adores this sport, and all the parents get along and socialise as well (not Dance Moms) so it’s not something I want to give up without a fight.

I’d really appreciate your thoughts, and even some wording on how to push back on this.

I honestly don't understand why this is an issue. What about things like guides and cubs or even just holiday clubs or whatever. We can't supervise them 100% of the time. It isn't good for them
Imo.

If you don't trust the coaches that's a separate and more serious issue but you have to let your kids be in a group setting with other adults.

My dp used to coach youth football and if he could have excluded parents he would have done!
(He couldn't because it was in the park-not because there was a rule...."

This is very true actually.

I would feel a bit uncomfortable about my 11 y/o being without me but this happens everyday at school and so it’s no different really.

My DD actually stopped playing a sport because the parents would get so competitive.
The kids playing (about 8 y/o at the time) would have parents screaming at them, swearing and the ref and talking/laughing behind their backs because of a mistake they made.

If no parents were allowed then my DD would definitely still be playing.

TBH some parents can be a PITA, shouting instructions at kids. Get ready, do this, don't do that.
So distracting for everyone.

You wouldn't be allowed to spectate from the side of your kids school class, why would sports or dance be any different ?

It’s likely to protect routines. As they get older competition will be taken more seriously. Nobody in the building means no one sees the routine. No parents means Sarah’s mum doesn’t put it on Facebook and Becky’s dad doesn’t put the highlight on TikTok.

It’ll also help the coaches not have to deal with any nightmare parents.

Kids also often behave very differently when their parents are around. The coaches will get a better picture of how things will be in competition settings. Kids are often much better behaved when their parents aren’t around in my experience.

My DS does MMA and they implemented closed practice for a number of very good reasons. These included:

• Parents sitting round the edge talking to each other - and bringing their other kids who would get bored and start crying or running around the venue.

• Parents shouting over the instructor to tell their child what they should be doing,

• Parents complaining because they didn’t feel Little Johnny was getting enough airtime.

• Parents commenting on other people’s children to their faces and behind their backs.

It was like a social club sometimes and very distracting for the kids. I was glad when they used COVID as a reason to get rid of the parents. It’s much safer for the children to just be with the instructors than having a load of people you don’t know and who haven’t been vetted gawping at them. Instructors will be trained in safeguarding and will likely have the equivalent of a DBS check meaning the organisation can be as sure as they can be that the coaches are safe to work with children.

OP do you sit in when your DD attends school?

Wise post. But what's MMA?

Hard to know without you saying the sport. Which gives nothing away. Especially on a UK based site when you live in the ginormous US

@JaneorEleven have parents been distracting students (safety risk) or videoing them during class in the past? This is the usual reason in my experience that practices are closed. Some girls may also be uncomfortable with spectators when they approach puberty and may have asked for no spectators.

Talk to the coaches politely and ask. Peronsally, I would probably do this after the tryouts and you know whether or not a place is being offered.

I wouldn’t expect parents to supervise most sports practices at that age. You seem to be going very over the top about it.

My concern is safeguarding

If this is your concern OP, I'd be impressed they're taking this stance.

I know where I'd want to be if I got my kicks from children.

I'd want to be a spectator sitting in the bleachers watching 10-16yr old swimming costume clad girls warming up, getting in and out of the pool, adjusting their costumes. I'd do it weekly, as often as I can, and get my face known as a swimming fan. Just so I could indulge all the more.

Closing the practices stops these people walking in to watch.

Maybe they just want to do closed practices around event times to minimise distractions?

I find it odd that OP and many posters feel the need to chaperone their secondary school aged children to all their extracurricular activities, whether that's sports, drama, music etc. The coaches probably want to avoid competitive sports mums kicking off when their little darling isn't chosen. You can just wait in the car so your dd can come out at anytime.

My concern is safeguarding. The USA gymnastics team abuse has been playing on my mind. Our team is a far cry from an Olympic team, but the breakdown of safeguarding in that sport was shocking, which makes me want to double check I have good boundaries in place for my DD.

The abuse on the Olympic team often took place in front of a parent.

All the sports I did as a child were closed practices. Parents could attend matches but not practices.

DD isn’t in secondary school. She’s in elementary school.

I’ve mentioned it’s not actually swimming

YABU, this is such a non issue and the fact you're all arguing and wanting to lobby so hard against it is probably why they've implemented it.

They aren't going from 100% open sessions to 100% closed sessions, they're just reserving the right to occasionally say "Practice in X week is a closed session, no spectators" and there are a myriad of reasons why that might be.

DD has been doing various sports/dance/drama/music/language lessons since she was tiny and other than sports they're all 100% behind closed doors IE parents do not sit in the lesson itself but we are more than welcome to sit elsewhere in the building to wait and the sports were open to spectators but only because they were usually either done outside or in a sports hall where they can't really stop people watching unless they lockdown the whole area, but after about 9/10 most parents would just "drop and go" and the only time parents stayed was when it was for logistical reasons (eg the session was an hour long and they lived 30 mins away, it wasn't worth them leaving and coming back so they'd sit in the cafe at the leisure centre/in their car at the field)

If it's a competitive team, especially for something like swim/gymnastics/cheer/dance etc then there may be concerns of routines being leaked by a spectator posting videos online and as the kids get older it becomes more competitive and as stupid as it sounds it can be a big deal

Or even just something as simple as they want 100% focus in practice so when they have a competition coming up they want to make sure there are no distractions so the last 1/2 sessions before the competition will be closed sessions so that they can guarantee 100% focus from everyone and there is no excuses of distraction.

Or the opposite of when they're starting a new competition routine they want 1/2 sessions at the start where there's no parents or spectators so they can learn the basics of the routine without anyone worrying about being self conscious of they're learning something new/that they haven't done before.

Equally if they're going to be learning something complicated or that has a safety component (eg in cheer if they're starting to learn how to throw and catch a flyer for a big routine or practicing a huge pyramid) then they may want a closed session so they have less chance of distraction and so they can make sure everyone is focussed due to the safety aspect.

It could even be that some of the kids have asked for the option of sessions without parents watching - they might be happy with people watching generally but they want the odd session where they can focus purely on their own performance/routine without anyone watching them.

Ultimately I would not be kicking up a fuss about this because it is so unremarkable a request.

How is this any different to your child attending school? I assume you don’t observe your child in lessons? It’s a non-issue.

Thanks for the good advice. We have a while before tryouts so hopefully some of these parents can settle down. The question about why the need for closed practice can be asked once we know if our DD has a spot.

In the UK she'd be in secondary school because you start year 7 the September after your 11th birthday. I could understand your concern if your child was under 10. Closed practices mean that children aren't distracted by their competitive parents screaming. The coaches also won't be influenced by pushy parents demanding their child to make the team. Also, creeps won't be able to go into the bleachers and watch teen girls in swimming costumes. Any one of those parents could be a creep.

My kids go to loads of things that are drop off. Never had any concerns. I think it’s probably easier to teach children without them being distracted by the presence of children.

Are the instructors the equivalent of DBS checked for the US?

Do you agree that the principle is the same as @Whatajokr is suggesting though, whatever the sport?

Very often in the UK a rule change is in response to something happening, including not necessarily in that LEA. Are you in a state or close to a state were there's been gun crime instances? Or any issues with boyfriends/stalkers etc? This should be a safeguarding decision and as long as safeguarding is happening within, it's acceptable.